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Old 01-17-2008, 04:46 PM
 
65 posts, read 237,281 times
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My son's been in his preschool for about five months now (he's four). We really love the teachers and the program, and my son is learning so much. But over the past couple of weeks we've become concerned about bullying. There is a group of three boys (the eldest ones in the class) and they are outwardly aggressive. I was first clued into this when my son came home from school, punched me in the leg and said "I'm going to kill you Mommy!" Turns out he'd been playing with one of these little darlings. Anyway, now my son has been pushed, punched in the arm and even bitten by these same kids. I have complained and the school has spoken to the parents. Teachers have witnessed this happening and have intervened several times. But here's the question - should I tell my son to fight back or tell a teacher? I have a friend whose son is in the same class and is also aware of this group of boys. She tells her son not to tell tales but to hit back. She believes that's the best way to prevent the bullying. I'm not so sure. My son is very gentle and shy. He's self confident enough but not aggressive at all. He's an easy target. I don't want to turn my son into a tattletale. I want him to stick up for himself, but I don't want to have him get into trouble for fighting. Thoughts? Anyone gone through this same thing? I can't believe I'm dealing with bullying already!
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Old 01-17-2008, 05:18 PM
 
Location: friendswood texas
2,489 posts, read 6,450,688 times
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My oldest son has had a target on his back for bullies since preschool. My advice would be to have him run to the teacher. Hitting back or talking back to them is just going to egg them on. If they go outside for recess have him stay close to the teachers or within eye sight of them. I would also talk to his teachers and tell them that you are telling your son to do this. I am so sorry that it is starting so soon for you.
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Old 01-17-2008, 05:49 PM
 
Location: New York
371 posts, read 1,785,029 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by movingtohouston View Post
My oldest son has had a target on his back for bullies since preschool. My advice would be to have him run to the teacher. Hitting back or talking back to them is just going to egg them on. If they go outside for recess have him stay close to the teachers or within eye sight of them. I would also talk to his teachers and tell them that you are telling your son to do this. I am so sorry that it is starting so soon for you.
I also am so very sorry. My son is picked on too and I have been told its because he hasn't had enough socialization. That may be true because he does approach others in a way that could provoke, but here's what he does. He runs up to other kids and immediately says, "Hi - will you play with me?" One girl ignored him and ignored him and then ended up hugging him before we left the play area. He has had bully problems in the 2 preschools he attended for preschool. He is currently home with me until the Fall when he starts kindergarten. He has asked me what to do when encountering bullies and I have told him walk away from them. I say ignore, ignore, ignore, BUT if you're upset and they've hurt you then you MUST tell the teachers and me. We are our child advocates and they need to know we'll help whenever we can and if we can't personally take care of it we'll find a way to help the situation. At four years old, they need to know things will be righted for them. As they grow and develop the necessary social skills then they can become more independent and deal for themselves.
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Old 01-17-2008, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,718 posts, read 59,596,711 times
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We had this problem as a sightly older age (first grade). At a teacher's suggestion we invited the bully over for a playday and then took him with all of out family to my parents house in the country. It sounds really odd, but it worked. The bullying stopped and they are now friends. It seems that the bully just needed someone to like him. Probably not the solution in every case, but maybe worth a try. Just remember to keep an eye on the bully at all times.
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Old 01-17-2008, 08:05 PM
 
Location: Where the real happy cows reside!
4,281 posts, read 9,278,761 times
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So sorry your little one is going through this.

Maybe this link can give you some ideas

Little Tough Guys: Handling Preschool Bullies

Good luck!
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Old 01-18-2008, 08:29 AM
 
1,156 posts, read 3,229,798 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
We had this problem as a sightly older age (first grade). At a teacher's suggestion we invited the bully over for a playday and then took him with all of out family to my parents house in the country. It sounds really odd, but it worked. The bullying stopped and they are now friends. It seems that the bully just needed someone to like him. Probably not the solution in every case, but maybe worth a try. Just remember to keep an eye on the bully at all times.
Wow! That's a really interesting tactic. I'm going to have to keep that in the bag of tricks. It rings true to me for certain situations - kids who are pushy/obnoxious because they don't know how to break the ice or socialize.

I had a coworker long ago who would always advise me that difficult people just need kindness and they'll work with you better. (Not that you would let tthem walk over you...) Anyway, this anecdote reminds me of his advice.
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Old 01-18-2008, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,737 posts, read 6,175,147 times
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kill them with kindness may work for some but in kinderagarten the teacher should be noticing these things or be told to handle it. Those things can escalate to worse. and go on for years if not take care of. I was bullied since 1st grade and still in high school and finally one day I told them all to go to h..l. I learned to ignore and walk away and do my own thing and take pride in being "not like them". But for some it gets so bad they just can't deal with it and it becomes a lifelong struggle.
I think it should be dealt with now by adults(parents/teachers) and the kids together, depending on how the bullies parents are, maybe they have no idea.
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Old 01-18-2008, 11:59 AM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,415,357 times
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his dad needs to talk to their dad.
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Old 01-18-2008, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Indiana
270 posts, read 1,092,759 times
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well i have a 7, 4 and 2 year old. I tell them to 1st time tell the teacher 2nd time tell the teacher. 3rd time have at them then tell the teacher. I will not put up with bullying i also tell them to watch out for each other. I dont encourge my kids to fight but like i said before i wont put up with it and i dont expect my kids to when im not there to protect them.
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Old 01-18-2008, 03:49 PM
 
65 posts, read 237,281 times
Reputation: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
We had this problem as a sightly older age (first grade). At a teacher's suggestion we invited the bully over for a playday and then took him with all of out family to my parents house in the country. It sounds really odd, but it worked. The bullying stopped and they are now friends. It seems that the bully just needed someone to like him. Probably not the solution in every case, but maybe worth a try. Just remember to keep an eye on the bully at all times.
OMG! That's so funny. I was just talking to my dad about this bullying problem and he suggested the same thing. Inviting the bully to a playdate and doing something cool and then my son will suddenly become the cool friend and not the target, and maybe invite the parents too and that way we open the lines of communication and accountability. Confrontation less likely. I think this is a super idea!
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