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Old 01-18-2008, 11:34 PM
 
180 posts, read 888,234 times
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It's YOUR house Grandmother. Set your boundaries, set your rules and he can either abide or leave. You have custody of the kids too so that means you have legal standing.
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Old 01-19-2008, 05:33 AM
 
28 posts, read 66,204 times
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Ahhh, yes the big question...How did he have 3 children with someone addicted to crack?? Do you have any idea how many times I've asked him that. With the first child, he had no idea about her crack addiction until after she got pregnant. He spent 9 months crying and worrying. The baby was fine. Then, she said she had quit using crack so he married her. Within 2 weeks she had left to go do crack. She got pregnant and he left the Navy to try to keep her from doing drugs while she was pregnant....that didn't work. The baby was born and she was fine. He stayed away from her for a little while and then had a weekend with her. Oops! Baby #3 on the way.

So, here we are. I told him yesterday that if he wanted to date his sister in law that was his business, but she could not spend the night here at all.

Pray for us.
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Old 01-22-2008, 06:21 PM
 
28 posts, read 66,204 times
Reputation: 28
I am struggling with this situation. He hasn't brought her to spend the night again, but has spent several nights with her. Last night his two oldest girls cried for him. He is supposed to be bringing his girlfriend over this evening to see the girls although I asked him to come alone. He says that the girls and I are just going to have to accept this, that no matter what we say, (including his daughters) he will not stop seeing her. He says that they are going to get a place together. I told him that his daughters would stay with us as he and his girlfriend are both married to other people. This is just sickening. I don't know how to handle this and I certainly need all the advice I can get. PLEASE RESPOND!!!
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Old 01-23-2008, 05:38 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX & AL Gulf Coast
6,848 posts, read 9,831,009 times
Reputation: 33339
Quote:
Originally Posted by whattodo? View Post
I am struggling with this situation. He hasn't brought her to spend the night again, but has spent several nights with her. Last night his two oldest girls cried for him. He is supposed to be bringing his girlfriend over this evening to see the girls although I asked him to come alone. He says that the girls and I are just going to have to accept this, that no matter what we say, (including his daughters) he will not stop seeing her. He says that they are going to get a place together. I told him that his daughters would stay with us as he and his girlfriend are both married to other people. This is just sickening. I don't know how to handle this and I certainly need all the advice I can get. PLEASE RESPOND!!!
Well, Grandma, it seems you've now acquired full custody of your granddaughters because they've been abandoned by two messed-up people, whether you want it or not! Since you now share custody of them with your son already, I'd file for full custody and be done with it as it seems you're the only stable influence and hope these children have at living any kind of normal life.

While the girls will certainly be upset and sad about their father's actions, it's really better that he be doing this somewhere else rather than exposing them to it. All you can do is assure them that none of this is their (the girls) fault and that sometimes parents just don't know how to be parents.

I know this has got to be hard on you as well as the girls, but no one can make these "adults" behave morally and accept responsibility. The best you can do now is look out for the welfare of the girls as well as yourself!

Hang in there... my prayers are with you all!
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Old 01-23-2008, 07:25 AM
 
28 posts, read 66,204 times
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I am certainly considering getting full custody of the girls. My husband is a bit more reluctant than I am. He was hoping to retire at some point in his life. My son and his girlfriend are planning to take all their children to church Sunday and then spend the day together. She has 4 children, only 1 lives with her though. Her husband left her several months ago and she had no place to live with all of them so she asked her in-laws to let her children live with them. She has legal custody and her in-laws have physical custody. It is just one awful messed up situation that he is dragging the girls into. Last night he talked to his oldest daughter (*
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Old 01-23-2008, 07:29 AM
 
28 posts, read 66,204 times
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She is 8, and asked how she felt about this. She told him at first she was upset but now she is ok with it. And that scares me. I hate for her to think this kind of behavior is ok.
My son and I are barely speaking. My husband and I have been claiming the girls on our taxes for the past few years, as we have been the one's providing room, board and care for them. We were even able to get them on our health insurance. My son said yesterday he was going to claim all of them, so he can get enough money back to get a place for them to live.

I try to be civil with my son and his girlfriend but it is incredibly difficult.
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Old 01-23-2008, 03:43 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,040,198 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whattodo? View Post
My son said yesterday he was going to claim all of them, so he can get enough money back to get a place for them to live.
I'm no expert but I can't believe he thinks that by claiming his daughters on his taxes he will have enough to get a place for them to live.

It doesn't sound like the new GF is any more stable.

As for your 8 yr old granddaughter - she really is too young to know that she really is actually "ok" with the current situation. All she knows is that this is her daddy and having already been "abandoned" by her mommy, wants her daddy!

What a terrible situation for the girls. I do hope that you & your husband will seriously consider fighting for full-custody. Based on what you've written, your son doesn't quite understand that his priority should be his young daughters and NOT getting his groove on; and it seems like you, as the grandparents, are realliy the only stability the girls have known in a long while.
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Old 01-23-2008, 05:59 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX & AL Gulf Coast
6,848 posts, read 9,831,009 times
Reputation: 33339
Quote:
Originally Posted by whattodo? View Post
She is 8, and asked how she felt about this. She told him at first she was upset but now she is ok with it. And that scares me. I hate for her to think this kind of behavior is ok.
My son and I are barely speaking. My husband and I have been claiming the girls on our taxes for the past few years, as we have been the one's providing room, board and care for them. We were even able to get them on our health insurance. My son said yesterday he was going to claim all of them, so he can get enough money back to get a place for them to live.

I try to be civil with my son and his girlfriend but it is incredibly difficult.
Your son can claim whatever he wants... that doesn't make it legal. Read the IRS rules... you're providing the insurance, shelter and food, etc., for them, so you have every right to continue to claim them. If he double-files claiming them, he's the one that will have to prove his claims when he's audited.

It seems you're still on the fence about really standing up to your son and as long as you make allowances for his behavior and try to be "civil" to an uncivil situation, nothing is going to change for the better. And, how are the girls going to know this behavior is not okay, unless someone stands firm declaring it not? I would have booted his butt to the curb a long time ago!

And, taking all the kids to church? Unbelievable! That's the biggest act of hypocrisy I've heard of in a while, especially given the situation, i.e., both married to other people yet sleeping together... yet neither can afford to take care of their own children?! Wow! I don't know what area y'all live in, but this whole scenario just wouldn't fly in most places!

Sorry if I sound harsh... but you repeatedly ask for advice... but then fail to take it. I know it's easier said than done when you're not right in the situation... but you've got to take control of THIS situation for these girls!

Best to all!
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Old 01-26-2008, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Twilight Zone
875 posts, read 762,118 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by whattodo? View Post
I am struggling with this situation. He hasn't brought her to spend the night again, but has spent several nights with her. Last night his two oldest girls cried for him. He is supposed to be bringing his girlfriend over this evening to see the girls although I asked him to come alone. He says that the girls and I are just going to have to accept this, that no matter what we say, (including his daughters) he will not stop seeing her. He says that they are going to get a place together. I told him that his daughters would stay with us as he and his girlfriend are both married to other people. This is just sickening. I don't know how to handle this and I certainly need all the advice I can get. PLEASE RESPOND!!!
You need to take the bull by the horns and lay down the law. Your son needs to start thinking with his head, and not his fly. How convenient for him to have mommy and daddy take care of HIS responsibilities, while he's out whoring around.

Go see a lawyer about you and your husband getting custody of the girls. How about your son paying you child support? It seems to be the only logical solution in view of what is taking place already.

This whole situation is disgusting and solely self-serving on your sons part. And, you are only enabling it by allowing your son to continue to be such a BAD influence on his children, and walking all over you and your husband.
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