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Old 02-06-2009, 03:01 PM
 
3,395 posts, read 3,206,429 times
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My mom and one of my sisters was this way. Always meddling and telling me I'm too strict. I moved 400 miles away when my oldest was 2 yrs old. It wasn't as much an issue after that. My son always knew what they were doing and sometimes used it to his advantage.

However, when my younger son came along, my older son's attitude changed. He would try to help with discipline and my sister tried to intervene on my little one's behalf. My son told her, "You did this to my mom when I was younger. Please don't undermine my authority with my brother."

I calmly walked out of the room, closed myself in the bathroom and whispered to myself "YES!!" and jumped up with my first in the air.
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Old 02-07-2009, 08:06 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,104 posts, read 17,640,353 times
Reputation: 22444
I feel as though your mother has no respect for you as a grown up mother with your own kids . In your mothers eyes you will probably always be a kid . I would say just dont tell her about things and if your daughter does then you tell your daughter she will be punished for "tattling on you to your mom " . that means no telephone , no internet , no tv nada . Nothing and I do mean nothing . and if she disobeys you and does it anyway tell your mother you dont wish to discuss your parenting methods with her . If she brings up the anger issue tell her well if she does drugs then I guess I will just have to deal with it . then if she still persists in arguing with you hang up the phone tell her you love her but you are going to hang up now and if she calls back unplug the phone and turn off your cell phone . Your mother has no right to cross boundaries that you have established with your daughter .
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Old 02-24-2010, 07:28 AM
 
2 posts, read 1,973 times
Reputation: 10
I have enjoyed reading all your posts. Well my story is that my Mother has always tried to manipulate both me and my brother using emotional guilt. My father has had issues with alchohol most of his life thus its been quite an unhappy childhood in general. Now that we are both appraoching 40, Mum is now regretting marrying him and wants us to help her leave him AGAIN!!.......she has dumped her problems onto both of us all her life and its only in the past 5 years I have began to think 'sod this, this is my life not hers'. I have slowly moved away emotionally and involved her less in my life. I have met someone wonderful and we are planning to get married. We have decieded to have a small wedding with a handful of people there. I have involved Mum in some of the preperation, but always known that she would LOVE to contol it all, so I have been very measured in what I tell her. However, she knows that there are certain memebers of the family I don't wish to be at my wedding, but she insists that they are invited only beacuse it would look odd if not!. We had a row and I told her that she does not have any control over who comes. She would prefer for me to go abroad to get married rather than not invite members of the family! Then she would have an excuse not to invite them. I told her that I will not make it easier for her by getting married abroad I dont want to and she needs to deal with it cause it's not changing. EEEEEEK. This is big stuff for me!! I feel angry and upset with her.................I dont think im being selfish???? it just dont really like certain members of my famliy and really dont want them there.........How dare she think she can manipulate me over and over again............RA RA RA.......phew!
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Old 02-24-2010, 01:29 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,228 posts, read 23,749,578 times
Reputation: 19847
your a mother now, you do not have to justify yourself to anyone, and that goes for your mother.
My mother tried that with my wife many years ago about one of my boys staying home from school, he claimed he did not feel good, my mother said something like she did not agree, my wife just came out and told her, its not place to either agree or disagree, its my child, and me and (me) make the decesions.......

LOl, I loved it. i then told my mom in private, do not ever butt into our decesions with our children......she got a little testy, but never again did.......
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Old 02-24-2010, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,654,296 times
Reputation: 1693
There are two separate issues here - your relationship with your mother and separately the raising of your daughter.

We are just beginning to see some teen attitude and it is a tough one.

The interfering mother is a tough one too. I don't think you should go down the track of explaing to her why. That just empoers her and you become like child to her. I would just stick to the facts. Your daughter is on restriction and is not going anywhere.period. If she goes on then just respond by saying saying that you hear what she is saying but dont agree or disagree.
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Old 02-25-2010, 05:28 AM
 
2 posts, read 1,973 times
Reputation: 10
I am so glad I found this site. Its so postive to read these posts. I agree.....sticking to the facts without having to explain why is the only way forward. . Also I loved the back up of support from son once Mother was informed not to interfere, this is really good solid stuff.
x x x
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Old 02-26-2010, 04:54 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,302 posts, read 3,755,085 times
Reputation: 2524
Quote:
Originally Posted by nic529 View Post
Anyone in here have a mother they constantly feel like they have to explain themselves to when it comes to your children? My mother is one of them! On any day where I don't need to punish my daughter for being fresh or not doing her chores or something - my mother will challenge my decision and then not talk to me for a week or more! My daughter is really good - the things I have to deal with are minor in comparison to other teenagers (she's 14). For Example: this morning....her brother (5) was watching tv - he goes to brush his teeth - she changes channel - he comes back and says I was watching that - can you please put it back on? She said - I'm watching this - now my son normally doesn't ask...he demands in which case he does not get what he wants - but suprisingly this morning he did and she reacted to him with MAJOR ATTITUDE. So - I told her to put his show back on...she proceeds to throw the remote on the couch get up and stomp up the stairs! This is something we have dealt with in the past (14 yr old attitude) but its been getting worse lately. She doesn't ever speak nicely to her brother and her brother rarely speaks nicely to anyone. So we are trying to correct this from all angles........we all have to teach him how to talk...yadda yadda. Anyway - I told my daughter she can't go to her friends house today. My mother calls me up at work and begins to ask me if my daughter can sleep over tonite. Mind you - I'm sure the first call my daughter made when I left was to my mother - which is fine because they are very close. When I told her no because my daughter has a consequence to pay for her behavior she began to tell me that its not fair that the consequence includes her. My daughters favorite thing is going to my mothers. I feel that it does apply to her as well. So now my mother won't talk to me because she says "you have to find out what is making her so angry before she does drugs and your going about this the wrong way" I say no....attitude and crossing this line is normal for 14 yr olds and it our place to put them back in line before it goes to far. It doesnt mean she's "angry" about something! It drives me crazy because my mother is my best friend, but this is really beginning to take a toll on our relationship. I feel she is crossing the line. And I'm not sure how to tell her without her writing me off! She has gone as long as a month without talking to me because of me punishing my daughter somehow - whether its her getting yelled at or saying she can't go anywhere or what have you. Mind you - my daughter has never been "grounded" and her punishments have never lasted more then a day!

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my mother as my friend, but at the same time....I don't know that I can have her as one anymore.
In a nutshell, your mom will walk over you as much as you allow it. That is the bottom line.
There are ways to set boundaries without breaking a relationship but you need to find them and use the techniques that best apply to your mom.

You have a great day.
El Amigo
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Old 02-28-2010, 06:14 AM
 
Location: Florida
1,738 posts, read 7,358,898 times
Reputation: 662
your daughter ..your rules. tell mommy to back you up!
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Old 02-28-2010, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,651,862 times
Reputation: 19408
If your mom REALLY is your best friend, you owe it to her to talk to her about it...gently. I know it's hard to be in that situation and well do I know how kids can play one adult against the other. Don't let your kids come between you and your mom. Talk to her, but please try to look at things from your mom's point of view as well. She is smarter now (that happens as we grow up), and has deep regrets for being so hard on you. She is desperately trying to keep you from making the same mistakes she feels she made when raising you. You need to try to build a united front with your mother..work together to come up with the best solution for your kids. Yes they're your kids, but I'm sure your mom still sees you as HER child and since she's your best friend, loves you very much and probably doesn't want you to have the same regrets as she's having about her parenting.

You are blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with your mom. No one really knows your kids more than you do. You are with them far more than she is....unfortunately, you have a 5 year old that you're contending with as well and perhaps your daughter needs a little more woman to woman, one on one time, something that your mom can provide you. Being able to send her to stay with your mom, ALSO gives your 5 yo an opportunity for some one on one with mommy too! Good luck to you.....relationships can be tough! LOL
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Old 02-28-2010, 09:06 AM
 
Location: City of Central
1,845 posts, read 3,560,471 times
Reputation: 949
Stop letting your Mother run YOUR household . You have nobody to blame but yourself . Grow a set and do what's right .
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