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Old 04-17-2018, 02:41 PM
 
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Hi BoyMom. I'm a boy mom, too, and one of mine has ADHD. It can be very challenging. If you are looking for advice, you might want to start your own thread with your questions. If you are just venting, there's probably no need. Welcome to the forum! Hang in there!
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Old 04-17-2018, 08:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BoyMom2017 View Post
Every day is a struggle for me to be a mom; mainly to my 7 year old son. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 3 years old and has been on medication since. Recently he was diagnosed with ODD, a defiant disorder, and is on medication for that as well. What is sad/crazy/upsetting about all of this, is I feel like I am the one to blame for him going through all of this. I had a normal pregnancy with him, no issues, no excessive weight gain, nothing. The first two years of his life, we lived with my parents while I worked a 2/3 swing shift to provide for my family; which left my mother to practically raise him. It was not until a new job/promotion came my way, that I was able to move out of my parents home into a place of our own. For a while, it was just the two of us, me and my super happy, loveable, sweet boy. But somewhere between the age of two, to now the age of 7, I seem to have lost him. I don't see the smiling face that I used to, instead I get a wide range of emotions from sad to happy, to angry to depressed. My little boy has gone through so much in his short time on earth; his biological dad was mentally and physically abusive to him, it took me over 3 years fighting the legal system to get them to realize his rights needed to be terminated (they finally were almost 2 years ago), and then when I re-married, his step-dad was verbally abusive to him, calling him stupid, crazy, lazy, just all kinds of names. I ended the marriage less than a year after it began due to this.


With all of that, I feel like I am the one to blame for this. For my son losing his "spark" and "zest for life". The two men who were supposed to love him unconditionally, be fathers to him, be role models to him, were nothing but pieces of garbage, and treated my son like he was the lowest of the low. But I feel like I am no better for him. I work at a job that I love Monday through Friday to provide for him and my 14 month old son (child of the ex husband, which he also relinquished his rights of), try to give them everything they need and some things that they want, try to make sure that their life is full of happiness and love, but its a struggle. I am mentally and physically worn out. I deal with anxiety and depression daily, and even medicated, I feel like sometimes I will lose control. My boys have seen be aggravated, cry for no reason, agitated, angry, upset, and that is no way for me to be seen by them. My 7 year old has had to grow up way too quickly, and I sometimes forget that he is still a little boy, even though he has the mental clarity of someone much older. He has been there to hold me and comfort me, to tell me that everything will be ok, that he loves me for the life he has, but when I look into his handsome face and pretty blue/gray eyes, I see hurt and pain. He does not open up to me as much as he used to, in talking about problems and issues, his response is always "I don't know" or a shrug of the shoulders. His schedule during the week is so full of after-school camp (until I can get off work at 5), homework when we get home (every single day, and the amount for a 1st grader is insane!), dinner, and then shower and bed, all by 7:30 p.m. That leaves no time for enjoyment, for play, for me to have him sit with me and me to read him a book like I used to, nothing. I am stretched so thin trying to do everything for my boys, that they are the ones suffering.


I am struggling to be a good mom, one that doesn't lose control of her emotions, one that can be there for anything and everything, but mostly, I am struggling to be the mom that my 7 year old is craving, the mom that I somehow cannot be for him. It kills me to look at pictures from when he was a baby and a toddler, when he was so happy and joyful, to pictures of now, when he barely smiles, he seems hesitant to be happy. I'm scared that I'm losing him, and that he will grow to hate me because I couldn't be the mom he needed or even wanted, but most of all, I'm scared of him never knowing, no matter how much I tell him, that I have done all I have because of how much I love him.
Medication for ADHD is usually not started so early.

You are not to blame for this. Part of the struggle is the abusive men who have been in your life and they are now gone.

Has he been evaluated for autism?

Since there is no time to play perhaps an IEP that gives him less homework and allows to free time would be helpful. Can you get family therapy for you and your sons? They might be able to give you parenting strategies that will work for you.

Most of all, do NOT beat yourself up. You have to do the best you can even though it's not perfect.
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Old 06-17-2018, 09:17 AM
C7C
 
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Happy Father's Day!
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