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Old 04-17-2018, 02:41 PM
 
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Hi BoyMom. I'm a boy mom, too, and one of mine has ADHD. It can be very challenging. If you are looking for advice, you might want to start your own thread with your questions. If you are just venting, there's probably no need. Welcome to the forum! Hang in there!
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Old 04-17-2018, 08:16 PM
 
17,043 posts, read 20,264,291 times
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Originally Posted by BoyMom2017 View Post
Every day is a struggle for me to be a mom; mainly to my 7 year old son. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 3 years old and has been on medication since. Recently he was diagnosed with ODD, a defiant disorder, and is on medication for that as well. What is sad/crazy/upsetting about all of this, is I feel like I am the one to blame for him going through all of this. I had a normal pregnancy with him, no issues, no excessive weight gain, nothing. The first two years of his life, we lived with my parents while I worked a 2/3 swing shift to provide for my family; which left my mother to practically raise him. It was not until a new job/promotion came my way, that I was able to move out of my parents home into a place of our own. For a while, it was just the two of us, me and my super happy, loveable, sweet boy. But somewhere between the age of two, to now the age of 7, I seem to have lost him. I don't see the smiling face that I used to, instead I get a wide range of emotions from sad to happy, to angry to depressed. My little boy has gone through so much in his short time on earth; his biological dad was mentally and physically abusive to him, it took me over 3 years fighting the legal system to get them to realize his rights needed to be terminated (they finally were almost 2 years ago), and then when I re-married, his step-dad was verbally abusive to him, calling him stupid, crazy, lazy, just all kinds of names. I ended the marriage less than a year after it began due to this.


With all of that, I feel like I am the one to blame for this. For my son losing his "spark" and "zest for life". The two men who were supposed to love him unconditionally, be fathers to him, be role models to him, were nothing but pieces of garbage, and treated my son like he was the lowest of the low. But I feel like I am no better for him. I work at a job that I love Monday through Friday to provide for him and my 14 month old son (child of the ex husband, which he also relinquished his rights of), try to give them everything they need and some things that they want, try to make sure that their life is full of happiness and love, but its a struggle. I am mentally and physically worn out. I deal with anxiety and depression daily, and even medicated, I feel like sometimes I will lose control. My boys have seen be aggravated, cry for no reason, agitated, angry, upset, and that is no way for me to be seen by them. My 7 year old has had to grow up way too quickly, and I sometimes forget that he is still a little boy, even though he has the mental clarity of someone much older. He has been there to hold me and comfort me, to tell me that everything will be ok, that he loves me for the life he has, but when I look into his handsome face and pretty blue/gray eyes, I see hurt and pain. He does not open up to me as much as he used to, in talking about problems and issues, his response is always "I don't know" or a shrug of the shoulders. His schedule during the week is so full of after-school camp (until I can get off work at 5), homework when we get home (every single day, and the amount for a 1st grader is insane!), dinner, and then shower and bed, all by 7:30 p.m. That leaves no time for enjoyment, for play, for me to have him sit with me and me to read him a book like I used to, nothing. I am stretched so thin trying to do everything for my boys, that they are the ones suffering.


I am struggling to be a good mom, one that doesn't lose control of her emotions, one that can be there for anything and everything, but mostly, I am struggling to be the mom that my 7 year old is craving, the mom that I somehow cannot be for him. It kills me to look at pictures from when he was a baby and a toddler, when he was so happy and joyful, to pictures of now, when he barely smiles, he seems hesitant to be happy. I'm scared that I'm losing him, and that he will grow to hate me because I couldn't be the mom he needed or even wanted, but most of all, I'm scared of him never knowing, no matter how much I tell him, that I have done all I have because of how much I love him.
Medication for ADHD is usually not started so early.

You are not to blame for this. Part of the struggle is the abusive men who have been in your life and they are now gone.

Has he been evaluated for autism?

Since there is no time to play perhaps an IEP that gives him less homework and allows to free time would be helpful. Can you get family therapy for you and your sons? They might be able to give you parenting strategies that will work for you.

Most of all, do NOT beat yourself up. You have to do the best you can even though it's not perfect.
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Old 06-17-2018, 09:17 AM
C7C
 
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Happy Father's Day!
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Old 07-29-2019, 05:53 AM
 
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Really, This is awesome.
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Old 03-28-2020, 03:45 AM
 
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Default Happy Kids, Happy Parents

As a grandmother and self-help writer, I’m often asked by readers, “How do you raise happy kids?” This is a question near and dear to every loving parent’s heart. No matter what we teach them, if we haven’t taught them how to be happy, or can’t parent in a way that makes them feel happy, it’s rather all for naught, isn’t it? So it’s a very pertinent question.

I’ve been blessed with having two happy children and two happy grandchildren. I applied certain principles in raising my kids, and see my son and daughter-in-law apply the same in raising their adorable daughters, Klara and Stina. In this article, I’ll share two tips I’ve learned along the way.

The first is the importance of modeling happiness. You can’t give something you don’t have. How can you teach kids happiness if you don’t have it yourself? Some parents think loving their family means living only for them, driving them everywhere, cleaning up after them, and putting their kids’ needs and desires way ahead of their own. Parenting shouldn’t turn us into a short-order restaurant or a cleaning or taxi service. It does for some parents. That teaches kids a bad lesson.

A child who perceives his parent as a servant, someone whose life has meaning only through catering to his whims, learns to be selfish. He comes to believe others exist to do his bidding. I have a friend who was raised like that, and she tells me when she grew up, she kept having the strange feeling, “Where are all the servants?” Being catered to was such an ingrained part of her childhood that adjusting to adulthood was difficult for her, because “the servants” were missing.

Kids who are raised this way tend to feel the world owes them a living. So breaking out of the “doormat” mode, if you’re in one, is pretty central to giving your kid a chance at a smooth transition to happy adulthood.

When you take care of yourself, make time for yourself, and do things that make you happy, your child learns those behaviors from you. If she sees you going for your dreams and making decisions based on your inner truth, she learns that doing those things is good. On the other hand, if you model dropping everything to fulfill her latest dictate, she learns that parenting means self-denial and victimization. She may then become a self-effacing parent herself or go the other extreme and forego parenting entirely because it looks like such a sacrifice.

So to raise happy kids, be good to yourself. Treat yourself with respect and dignity the same as you treat your child. Don’t allow disrespect toward you any more than you’d allow someone to be rude to your kids. Make time for your creative desires and dreams. Plan in some scheduled personal time each week (or day), and make sure that you take it.

Let your kids see you’re doing this, and tell them the reason: “Mommy needs to have some fun, too,” or “Moms need time every day to relax.” This shows your child that you value yourself, and that personal time is important to everyone’s happiness.

The second tip I’ve learned for raising happy kids is the tremendous value of focused attention. The best form this can take is uninterrupted, one-on-one personal time with your child. Think back to your own childhood and some of your happiest memories. Chances are they include that hike you took with Dad, or the time you and Mom went to the restaurant for a dessert.

When we set aside an hour or two to be with our child, away from distractions and interruptions, we tell him he is important and loved. Giving focused attention is much more powerful than the diffused attention kids get while we cook dinner, drive them somewhere, or break up conversations to take calls on our cell phone.

Children thrive on loving, focused, personal attention the way plants thrive on sunshine. Structure in some focused attention every day, even if it’s only for five or ten minutes. Look at your child when he talks to you, so he knows you’re completely with him. In love, it’s the subtle things that count.

Giving focused attention teaches self-worth: your child knows she’s valuable because you value her, enough to carve out time for you and her, uninterrupted by the world, for those moments. That spells love, and when she knows you love her, by your actions not your words, that brings security and heart fulfillment, essential foundations of happiness.

In this busy world where parents work two jobs and where kids’ social calendars can rival those of debutants, it isn’t easy to make time to take care of yourself and uninterrupted time for you and your child. But for happiness, nothing could be more important. Think about your schedule, what is nonessential that you can cut out, or wasted moments that you can eliminate. Use that harvested time to be good to you and your kid. Your child’s happiness, and yours, depend on it.



I holds a teacher’s certificate in education and has written hundreds of articles on self-development. I studied with Bob Proctor and John Demartini, popular teachers featured on “The Secret” DVD. And i am the passion behind the [url]https://cutt.ly/htWKP1h[/url] and as a parent and grandparent.
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Old 05-10-2020, 09:29 AM
 
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Since I don't have any kids I will brag about txtqueen.
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Old 08-26-2020, 03:36 PM
 
95 posts, read 33,828 times
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Originally Posted by VirVineS View Post
Since I don't have any kids I will brag about txtqueen.
Brooo.

It’s me!

I was creeping, wanted to see if there was anything new around here.

I can’t get into my old profile anymore. Idk the password at all.
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Old 08-26-2020, 03:37 PM
 
95 posts, read 33,828 times
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Originally Posted by VirVineS View Post
Since I don't have any kids I will brag about txtqueen.
Go ahead brag about me.
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Old 05-13-2021, 05:22 AM
 
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Hello, just wanted to ask what solutions you are using to save your children pictures, stories. Is there some possibilities where you can do it jointly? Like I put my best pics and husband hes best pics and stories? I do have loads of photos in my phone, cloud, husband, grandma phone and its really hard to systematize them now. Really would love to have solution where best content is collected privately and afterwards my kids and grand kids also have these stories to remember. So yeah, waiting for suggestions I hope this is right chat to ask
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