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So my daughters mom and I have been apart since october of last year. I have been a good father. I was on paid paternity leave for 3 months when she was born. I was unemployed for 16 months and played stay at home dad cooking, cleaning, getting her to different functions, and taking great care of her. Even after we moved out I travel 1 hour each way by train once a week to see her for two days every week.
My daughters mom's mother is separating from her husband. She cant afford the house on her own and my ex lives with them. They are looking to sell or if she cant abandon it.
We discussed before all this that we would stick around one more year then explore moving South. She was content staying for at least a year or two more. I just told my roommates I would stay for another year.
Now she is saying within a couple months she is going to take her to Florida. I'm outraged that she isnt even talking it out and working together. She says she HAS to move. They cant afford to live here. She makes 80k a year. I give her 17% of my take home pay every check (no court order currently). I said I would get a lawyer and stop her from moving so quickly. She became enraged and said I dont get how much they cant afford to live here. I told her I will get an emergency order to stop her while it goes through the courts. Now she is saying she wont tell me about plans and just leave.
Am I wrong? I love my daughter. She loves me. I have spent so much time with her in her life. I see her as much as possible and give as much money as I can. I dont see how a court would rule in her favor given she has a great, stable job here that makes plenty along with the amount I give, her mom makes just as much or more.
No you are not wrong. you have just as much right to be near your daughter as her mother does. Let a judge or mediator determine if your ex actually suffers a financial hardship by staying put and go from there to work out an arrangement.
You both need to think about what is best for your daughter.
Where do you live that you can't make it on $80,000? Maybe up north? NYC? Does she already have a job is Florida?
I would definitely get an attorney. At the very least, you need time to try to work out a solution. And you definitely need a child support order and a custody order. As you are finding out, things do not always remain as civil as they started and you need protect your relationship with your daughter.
Yes, she lives on LI with her parents who own a house. I kive in Queens making about 40k a year. Obviously it is pretty expensive. I have no problems moving but to move to Florida I would need to purchase a car, get a job, find a place, and have enough money for a uhaul.
Might I add that she just booked a 7 day cruise for 2500 with my daughter. I dont want to rock the boat but she is basically saying she will move within 3 months most likely and if I can't come, well then I can come in a year when im ready. I think thats terrible to do to my daughter given they can easily find a place, although probably not exactly what she wants.
Should I wait to see what happens? Her mom is getting a realtor to take a look at the place. The market is pretty slow here. Plus the place needs a lot of work to be really enticing. I want to be civil and find something that works for all parties involved.
How quickly can I get a temp order just to maintain that she has to stick around until the specifics are ironed out?
Pretty quick if you request an emergency hearing. You can get in quick and the judge can issue a temp order.
basically you should be talking to a lawyer, not us. A legal agreement in place is just as much for your protection as hers. Right now, there's no agreement saying she can't move. If she moves BEFORE you get into court, you might be SOL. Time to act was yesterday.
It was a fast developing issue. Before all this came down we were on the same page. Year of pre k then evaluate where we wanted to live. Within the last week that all changed to her stating she is moving. Im going to consult with a lawyer this week and see what options there are. There is no way they will be able to move really soon. They still have the house, all their stuff, and her father is moving out in july.
How old is your daughter? Is she about to start preschool or Kindergarten?
I understand that there are good schools and not-so-good schools in New York, and that it takes more money up there to ensure a good school, whether public or private, than it does in most of the country. Is your ex-wife perhaps concerned about being able to get her daughter into a good school in that area on an $80K income?
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