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Wow, I wish I lived in your area. Our local parks are lucky to get mowed once a month and they certainly don't landscape them. No money.
There is no way our town would hire teens for anything more that little league umpires...certainly not uswing equipment....but each area if different so it's a possible option for some.
I enjoy reading the dozens of posts by 'parents' who feel that an absolute dictatorship is the ideal form of family. I can only assume that these same posters are thrilled when their children turn 18 and they get out of their houses as fast as possible and never look back.
It certainly is better to balance things out...and we've a l ways worked to support help ours meet the standards we set...not just toss her into the ocean and hope she swims.
I have been told that in the very, very wealthiest sections of town sometimes parents feel that when they are making (let's say) $200,000 or $300,000 a year it is silly for their children to work and only make minimum wage. They would rather let their teenagers spend time at their lake house or travel to Europe or spend time riding horses or other hobbies all summer.
Since, no one that I know personally makes that amount of money, or feels that way, I can only speculate on their reasons.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wac_432
This.
But then I remember the time I spent working minimum wage backbreaking jobs out in the hot sun, and I realize that experience was valuable to me. I wouldn't trade it for goofing off or anything that was not also some form of hard work.
I would let me kids off the hook for summer jobs if they were spending the time getting some advanced education like learning a foreign language, participating in some outstanding project--like building a satellite, entering into an advanced robotics competition, or building houses/doing disaster cleanup for charity.
I'd even go for riding horses or some other "sport" if they were competition-winning material.
Otherwise it's off to the salt mines.
Edit: I was gonna fix my typo, but then I thought better of it.
So I'd also not push my kids to get jobs if they were planning to spend the summer guarding me lucky charms.
I just realized that I do know a family where Mom & Dad probably had a combined income of $200,000 to $300,000 a year. Darn Right, all of their children had summer jobs when they were in HS & college, in addition to weeding in the large garden, helping with the chickens, ducks & geese and with many other household jobs (when they lived at home) plus doing volunteer & extracurricular activities. The children are now well adjusted adults with high level professional careers.
He says he doesn't want you to control him. But it sounds like he's the one trying to control you.
He likes the word "control". Throw it back at him. You haven't had control over your own life since he was born. He needs to start taking care of himself so you can have control over your life .
He has no right telling you how to spend your money. He has no right to control your spending. If you don't want to buy him computer games, don't. You shouldn't have to buy him things you disaprove of. Dont let him control you. He's old enough to get a summer job and buy them himself.
Be firm. Don't lose your temper. Just tell him flat out that he's old enough to start buying his own toys, so you can start getting control over your own life again. Tell him that if he wants to waste his summer sitting in his room, that's his choice. But if he wants luxuries like a new computer, he's going to have to "get control over his life and get a job" so he can afford them. Tell him he's not a baby anymore.
According to this agreement, he just needs to get a job to get the computer? If that's the case, you need to hold up your end of the bargain --- but not until after he holds up his end. He can't force you to renegotiate. And after this, he needs to buy his own toys. (You can still surprise him with gifts, but he needs to stop thinking he has the right to make you buy him things. He needs motivation to earn things on his own. ).
I enjoy reading the dozens of posts by 'parents' who feel that an absolute dictatorship is the ideal form of family. I can only assume that these same posters are thrilled when their children turn 18 and they get out of their houses as fast as possible and never look back.
Research shows that a too much control is bad for kids, but not enough control is just as bad. As parents, we struggle to get just the right balance.
In this case, the OP definitely needs more control. Her teenage is trying to walk all over her, and accusing her of being the one trying to control him. She needs more authority.
What he's doing is not unusual at that age. I did it too. But she shouldn't give in, for his sake. If she gives in to his demands, she'll just be spoiling him.
Summer jobs are great for kids. Making a kid get a job to buy their own goodies is a great way for help prepare them for adult life. Believe it or not, a lot of rich people do make their kids get summer jobs, just because it is a good experience. I would definitely encourage my child to when she's old enough, unless she's doing something else worthwhile with her summer, like attending some kind of summer school or summer camp (or even traveling ).
I have been told that in the very, very wealthiest sections of town sometimes parents feel that when they are making (let's say) $200,000 or $300,000 a year it is silly for their children to work and only make minimum wage. They would rather let their teenagers spend time at their lake house or travel to Europe or spend time riding horses or other hobbies all summer.
Since, no one that I know personally makes that amount of money, or feels that way, I can only speculate on their reasons.
My parents made the low end of that spectrum in nominal terms, probably closer to the higher end after adjusting for inflation. All four of us kids still worked in the summer, and three of the four of us worked after school during the school year. (The other one was too busy being a super-achieving honor student who ended up salutatorian in a class of roughly 500.)
The OP's son is spoiled, pure and simple. He's used to getting all the gadgets he wants, on his parents' dime. My message to you, OP, is to go over to the Work and Employment forum and look at some of the posts about being unable to find decent work by millenials who were also spoiled. These are written by young people not very much older than your son, and you will be able to see just how angry, bitter and hateful they turn out when they are raised to expect the stars, but have zero experience. That may be your son in a few short years. Is that how you want him to end up?
My 17-year-old grandson is working for his third summer in a row. His 14-year-old brother is starting out on his first summer of work. Both their parents worked in mid-teens (because they needed money for school clothes...imagine that!). I myself started working at age 12 handling show dogs in the ring. It is GOOD to be able to buy your own clothing, computer games, gasoline, and meals/movie tickets when going out with friends. You get to control things, not your parents. Money talks.
As far as I would be concerned, the new computer or gaming tower is totally off the table right now, whether he gets a job or not. The two should not be connected, in your mind or in his. They have nothing to do with each other. He either works, or hangs out with friends...he does not play computer games after his present rig bites the dust. Cruel? NO! Go over to Work and Employment and see your son's future. That's exactly where he's headed due to being spoiled.
Your job as a parent is to teach him the skills he will need when he goes out on his own as an adult. It seems right now the one teaching is the kid. He's got your number.
Take control back. Its not his terms, its not his house, its not his money. You are providing food and a roof over his head, which as a parent is your responsibility. Its also your responsibility to teach him that in order to get things he wants in this world, he needs to work...the same as you do. No, do NOT order a new computer for him. Thats ridiculous. If he wants one, he can get a job, save his money, and get one. You will be doing him a HUGE favor, which of course he doesnt see now. He needs to feel accomplishment, not entitlement.
What are you going to do 3 or 4 years from now, when he's 20? Is he still going to be running your house? Will he never leave, because he's never been taught to take care of himself, get a job?
Stop using the word control with him. You controlling him, him controlling you. You need to be TEACHING him life lessons. You are not his friend, you are his parent. Act like one.
Here's a topic we've been battling about. He wants a new gaming computer. His laptop has been giving him a lot of trouble lately and it's going to quit on him at some point. Part of the contingency of getting it would be that he get decent grades on his finals. I already knew that he wasn't going to get great grades this year.. that's part of what our struggles have been over. The other part of the deal was that I want him to start applying for jobs because I wanted him working.
I guess I wasn't real clear about the second part because he feels it's unfair that I require him to be working first. He wants me to order the computer (which takes several weeks to get here) and he claims THAT will be his motivation to start looking for work. I don't want to order this computer only to have it sit there because he hasn't fulfilled his part of the deal. I think he sees this backwards... that he shouldn't be getting his motivation to work from me having ordered his computer. What's funny is he's downright pissed about it, like I'm screwing him over somehow by having this expectation of him. Before discussions of a new computer even came up he had said he did plan on working in the summer, and now his only motivation to work comes from me ordering a computer? He says I am wasting his summer.. that it's no harm in ordering it first.
He basically states he's not going to apply for jobs now, that he's no longer motivated. I told him the only reason he isn't applying is because I want him to - he agreed. I asked him "what do I get out of you working?" and he admitted he doesn't know, although he stated "control" - and there is the winning ticket. CONTROL. He won't do anything if he thinks I have the upper hand.. this is all about me NOT getting my way (which would be to have him get a job first) - because that is what I want, he won't do it even of it means he won't get a computer.
This is the most convoluted logic Ive ever heard. And you're buying this?? So he's all about control? Thats fine. Tell him that he controls his own destiny. He controls whether he gets a new computer, by getting a job and paying for it. He wants control? Then give it to him.
Re the bolded above: Tell him his motivation comes from himself buying a computer, not you.
I can't even tell you the misery your life is going to continue to be if you continue to walk on eggshells around this spoiled brat, and not put your foot down. Let him go to his room and pout and whine. Meanwhile he still wants a new computer, and there is only one way to get one. Get a job.
I enjoy reading the dozens of posts by 'parents' who feel that an absolute dictatorship is the ideal form of family. I can only assume that these same posters are thrilled when their children turn 18 and they get out of their houses as fast as possible and never look back.
Im sure they are. They are the parents that have taught their kids the values to be able to leave the house and 18 and take care of themselves with good work ethic. The ones who dont are the ones posting on City Data that they are afraid in their own houses, that they can't get their 20 somethings out of the house, they wont work, all they do is play on their computers.
Im afraid the OP is on that same path, unless she takes control of her home back. Right now that spoiled kid runs the show.
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But she shouldn't give in, for his sake. If she gives in to his demands, she'll just be spoiling him. 
