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Your son sounds like a complete jerk. You are his Mother, and you are helping beyond what most would do. Maybe you should take custody from him, and collect C.S. He certainly shouldn't be spending his "spare" time doing anything but playing with his kids, doing their laundry, helping with their homework and cleaning up after them.
You are in a very difficult position. And, you are right and it is the hardest thing in the world to see our kids make mistakes...but if he is neglecting his children, contact their caseworker...He should have housing programs and other things to help him.
Is their Mom working the programs to get the kids back...maybe she has learned how to parent now....doesn't sound like Dad has.
You might even consider getting custody, so you could at least get some monetary support for them...but at 65 what you are doing is very hard to do and thank goodness the kids have you.
He takes the kids to her house every other weekend and returns Sunday at midnight. When he is in the house here, he mostly sleeps most of day.. The kids say they play video games all weekend and that they get tired of being there.
Does he work? I'm sorry, but it sounds like the kids aren't any better with him then the mom. It almost sounds like you should tell him to move permanently with his girlfriend, and give you the kids. At least then there would be consistency and not the verbal abuse from him. Where are the other grandparents?? How did he get custody?? You??
Your son sounds like a complete jerk. You are his Mother, and you are helping beyond what most would do. Maybe you should take custody from him, and collect C.S. He certainly shouldn't be spending his "spare" time doing anything but playing with his kids, doing their laundry, helping with their homework and cleaning up after them.
You are in a very difficult position. And, you are right and it is the hardest thing in the world to see our kids make mistakes...but if he is neglecting his children, contact their caseworker...He should have housing programs and other things to help him.
Is their Mom working the programs to get the kids back...maybe she has learned how to parent now....doesn't sound like Dad has.
You might even consider getting custody, so you could at least get some monetary support for them...but at 65 what you are doing is very hard to do and thank goodness the kids have you.
I completely agree with your post (+2 for you), except for thinking that the dad should be entitled to SOME fun, but certainly not at the expense of his mom or his kids. Maybe a four-hour date ONCE a week?
Even better, maybe he and his girlfriend could take the kids to the zoo or something like that (or even just to the park).
My 36 year old son is a single paren with full custody of his children. He moved in with me 6 months ago because he did not have anyplace else to go. His 3 children have special needs and behavioral/emotional problems. I watch the children while he works. My son will leave in the middle of the night to go to his girlfriends house. Other times, he will ask if he can go see his girlfriend for an hour or so but ends up not coming home until morning. When I say anything he insults me and becomes extremely angry. I don't like to be left with the kids because I think they are his responsibility. He thinks I am crazy and selfish because I don't want him to have a good time. What do you think?
And you shouldn't be left with the kids, especially 3 special need kids, that is no easy task. Don't allow him to insult you in your own home when you are doing him a favor, and not the other way around. Next time, have him take his kids with him. You have already raised your kids and should be done with that, and don't need to raise anybody's children, he is taking advantage of the situation. You have to use tough love, let him know he have to get it together or find a place for him and his children. I don't want to sound too hard but, if he continue to insults you like that and leave you stuck with his children, then he have to go.
He says he wants to parent them, but that my way isn't his way. he says he can't be a good father until I am out of the picture.
Sorry, but that does not make any sense to me. If he has no place else to go, how can he be a good father if he can't even provide housing for his kids without you? (Even though I think Social Services would definitely step in, in that case.)
He definitely sounds like a selfish jerk to me, based on what I have read so far.
I don't know how it will end. I think he is panicking. The mother had full custody for years but is now out of picture. The court gave her a treatment plan but she refused to follow it citing some government conspiracy to steal her kids by making it seem like she was mentally ill. I think my son needs counseling and a plan because I think he is overwhelmed and using gf to escape.
The state placed them with him at my house. They thought I could guide him. I am trying! Thank you for your responses. I was willing to give him two date nights a week. He just wants more. i am going to get tough. Thank you all.
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