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Just as an FYI, when I dropped her off there were always several other girls heading in as well. So when she said that they were warming up and it didnt matter if she was a few mins late I assumed she was correct because there were always others going in with her.
Did these late-but-not-really-late occasions happen before or after "the talk"? If her instructors were watching her (and your family) like a hawk to see if the behavior had changed, they may have expected her to be 5 minutes early each and every time, not wandering in 'more or less' on time with the other girls. I would say, from now on, don't drop her off when everyone else is straggling in. Drop her off early, and make sure she makes her presence known to the instructors right away. It's just like going into a job - you want your supervisor to make eye contact with you so there's no mistake.
She was a freshman this year and made mistakes with the studio. She was late quite a bit and also skipped a few of her later classes?!
And you blame the studio for not wanting to help a kid who has shown commitment issues. Why should they want to spend valuable time on someone who they don't know will even show up on time, or at all for that matter? Just because you pay them?
It sounds to me as if this studio no longer wants your child as a student there. I don't see a need to talk to the studio about anything; this is on your daughter and you, for allowing her to be late so often and for your 15yo being so active on social media that she cannot be bothered to commit to her dancing.
I apologize if I sounded harsh. It appeared to me that you were "brushing off" and greatly minimizing both your responsibility and your daughter's responsibility in realizing that she needed to be on time and not cut classes while putting the main responsibility on the dance studio.
I'm sorry if it sounded stronger than I intended it to sound. Thank you for explaining that you were aware that your daughter was late and that other girls were late as well. Obviously, it was a bigger deal than you or your daughter realized. BTW, you have no way of knowing what kind of penalties the other girls received for being late.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sonderella
I suspect the studio wasn't very happy with her, but recognized her talent and left the door open a crack for her future participation with the auditions. Then, other girls with talent, but without the baggage, tried out, and they decided they didn't need her after all. I think they were waiting to see who would all show up, and then evaluated the "total package" - talent, perceived commitment, history - before making a decision. It's not necessarily that they made up their mind before the audition, but once they saw the pool from which they had to choose, they decided others were a better fit.
Just a guess. Not saying this is what definitely happened.
sonderella makes some great points.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3a's
I have to ask the girls that did make the group are the other parents committed and volunteer more than your family?
Could it be that the dance group sees a commitment from your daughter but not the commitment from the family? In this day and age of competiveness groups are not only looking at the individual's skills but also what else is available through other relations.
I am not trying to be mean when I say this.
I would question the person about the email. I would ask in a polite manner for a copy of the email just to show that you are there and are a very concerned parent not willing to be pushed around. It could be that it went to your junk email or they have the wrong email address. Maybe they have been asking for your help and never received it.....
I would ask for the email to be resend as you did not receive it. Perhaps, the email had more information that would be important to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom
Well, if she is truly interested in dance, then it seems like this is a good lesson for her to learn. I wouldn't make a huge issue with the studio. Your daughter needs to learn that she's responsible for her choices, and that you can't fix everything she does. If she goes to all of her classes and makes an effort to be on time and the studio is still not letting her advance after she's made the effort for some time (maybe six months?) , then you might consider switching to a different studio.
I agree. When some girls attend the same dance studio for 3, 4 or even 10 or 12 years showing responsible behavior for a little over a month may not be long enough for them to see that your daughter has changed and from now on will always show responsible behavior.
Another possibility is that your daughter just did not "make the cut" for the hip hop company. I believe that you mentioned that she was new to taking hip hop classes, perhaps during the audition the other girls just showed more advanced skills.
Calm down, think over you and your daughter's options and both of you go together to discuss the issues with the dance studio. By age 15 your daughter should be learning how to handle more and more of her own problems.
[quote=germaine2626;40115329]I apologize if I sounded harsh. It appeared to me that you were "brushing off" and greatly minimizing both your responsibility and your daughter's responsibility in realizing that she needed to be on time and not cut classes while putting the main responsibility on the dance studio.
I appreciate you coming back to explain! It was late last night and as you can tell this was weighing heavily on me. I have needed a forum like this for sometime and I was tired and frustrated at the siuation not strangers offering help so I also apologize for my prickly response.
I had already sent a very calm response questioning the decision and got my answer today which I am very pleased with in that she has to earn her place in the routine so she isnt off the hook for her behaviour but she also isnt in a class that doesnt challenge her skill. I know my 15 yr old has to join society in a few years and I definitely want her to be prepared for reality!
I appreciate you taking time to respond and offer differing perspectives truly! And more importantly coming back to clarify!
Did these late-but-not-really-late occasions happen before or after "the talk"? If her instructors were watching her (and your family) like a hawk to see if the behavior had changed, they may have expected her to be 5 minutes early each and every time, not wandering in 'more or less' on time with the other girls. I would say, from now on, don't drop her off when everyone else is straggling in. Drop her off early, and make sure she makes her presence known to the instructors right away. It's just like going into a job - you want your supervisor to make eye contact with you so there's no mistake.
Thank you and i agree just being on time is not going to be enough now! She has to really express her passion and as I explained to her this about a team that expected her to be a leader and she failed them as well as herself! Hopefully this lesson will help her in many other aspects of her future.
Thank you and i agree just being on time is not going to be enough now! She has to really express her passion and as I explained to her this about a team that expected her to be a leader and she failed them as well as herself! Hopefully this lesson will help her in many other aspects of her future.
This may have been the wake up call that your daughter needed.
My brother managed a company for many years. He had an expression, "Being five minutes early means that you are on time. Being just on time means that you are late. Being late means that you are fired."
And, he did fire people for being late. He would say that the employee that was chronically late, even by just a few minutes, was often not taking appropriate responsibility in other areas of the job as well.
Your daughter has to earn her place in those public presentations. The students that are really trying and are there every day, are being chosen as they can be relied on. Your daughter has to prove she is dependable, and has not done so as of yet. It will take time for them to accept her as a good dancer and want her to perform.
Question: Only so many dancers will be used in a particular dance. Why should your daughter t hat has not proven to be dependable, be chosen over some that may not be quite as good, but will be dependable for practice and preparations for the big show they will be putting on.
I think you SHOULD send some flames through social media.
My experience with dance schools around here (Florida) has been quite miserable. First, they don't teach in the proper sequence of ballet, and then the front offices are AWFUL to deal with and the TEACHERS even though they are NOT accomplished international ballet stars by a long shot, ALL act like they are! Which I personally found it quite disgusting.
Definitely go the social media route. Obviously their "communication" skills and "customer service" are visibly missing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redheaded Flower Power
My daughter has been dancing since she was three. We spent a few years competition dancing but the favoritism was starting to make my daughter really doubt herself at our last studio. She is usually a very confident child so this bothered me a great deal. We left that studio last year and went to summer camps at the "best" studio near us. My daughter loved it and they asked her to join their company dance team as well (with no audition). She was placed as lead in one of her dances. She was a freshman this year and made mistakes with the studio. She was late quite a bit and also skipped a few of her later classes?! Which no dance teacher called or emailed me to ask if this was ok.
At the end of the year, during her evaluations I tell her she should expect to not get a lead role again given how her tardiness this past year. Her evaluations all said she was a lovely talented dancer but the teachers questioned her commitment. So I planned a meeting with all three of her dance teachers. I am not that dance mom that blames anyone but their kid. Which they even said thank you for not being that mom. We had a very productive conversation and I suggested they also speak with my daughter which they did. I spoke to my daughter and we agreed she would not take extra recreation classes in the upcoming year. Teachers met with her asked about her commitment and told her they were excited she is committed.
We were never late for classes, rehearsals or auditions after these meetings. My daughter wanted to try Hip Hop this upcoming year so I asked if she could audition. No one returned my calls or emails and finally I went in the studio the week of auditions and the admin said she emailed me (which was not true) that no she couldn't audition? I told my daughter that was payback for her behavior and she was going to have to prove to them she was committed in the upcoming year.
We just got an email saying that while my daughter is a talented dancer they dont feel she can manage all her responsibilities so she will not be in the company for 2 of the 3 dances she auditioned. My daughter never cries, much less in front of anyone and I had to watch her break down at breakfast in front of our entire family. I wrote an email to the studio asking at what point did they know they were not allowing her in company as it was most assuredly before audition (which we have to pay quite a bit to do)
I question just how much they need a 15 year old to pay for her mistakes?! It seemed very cruel to show excitement that she said she was committed and then do this. I fully expected her not to have a lead role again but I never imagined they would not let her dance in that group?? I have gone from shock to absolute fury and want to burn the business to the ground (not literally but figuratively in social media)
I personally do not like a great deal of attention and avoid drama at all costs, so I rarely go in the studio unless I have questions or need to make purchases. However, I fully intend to go in the studio this week and speak to whoever I need to speak with about this as my daughter is just too important to me to not address this. To me it feels very vindictive and I can not understand it. Everyone tells me how sweet my daughter is even the teachers I met with earlier.
Does anyone have suggestions? I have no frame of reference to assist me in this conversation. I do know for my daughter's sake I do need to keep my anger in check (or maybe not as that did not help when I met with them this spring)
If dancing was an individual activity then being talented and less reliable wouldn't be as much of an issue. In a team environment not being on time or in attendance affects the entire group.
I'm assuming every parent of the girls that MADE the group feels there child should be on the squad, why are you so sure yours is better for the team than theirs?
Also, IMO dance studios will always tell you your kid is talented (even if it's not true) so they keep paying for lessons.
As for not knowing before the auditions, I expect you would be upset if she wasn't even given a chance to try. It's possible she would have been taken if she was significantly better than someone else, but if it was close the more reliable kid got the spot.
As far as the teachers questioning her commitment, it seems like you're more committed to it than her. 15 is a tricky age to manage the increasing demands with school, boys and other activities - are you sure she's really that interested in continuing? Would you be okay if she wasn't "committed"?
Well, it looks like they are letting her participate in one of the three companies. Maybe this is her chance to prove herself and her commitment?
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