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I noticed that your username has the number "58" in it. Is that because you were born in 1958?
Lol, you know nothing about my mother so let's not make assumptions.
A part of me always resented the kids who never received beatings for cussing their parents out and/or blatantly disrespecting their parents in public...
I noticed that your username has the number "58" in it. Is that because you were born in 1958?
Lol, you know nothing about my mother so let's not make assumptions.
No, I wasn't born in 1958, but why do you ask?
And you're right, perhaps I shouldn't make assumptions about your mom. I was making a generalization based on your admission that you willingly tell your mother you won't help with a chore in the household where you live, and don't really mind that she is driven to, in your words, begging for your help.
If I had of asked my parents something like that, after I came back from being slapped into the middle of next week, they would have replied with something like, "Because I pay the bills!..."
Exactly. This would have been considered "sassin'" my parents, which was not allowed.
What would you say if you asked your child to do something like mow the lawn or take out the trash and their reply was something along the lines of asking you to do it yourself or why can't you do it?
When I was 5, and my younger brother was 4, we were seated at the dinner table. My younger brother did not want to eat his carrots. Dad told him to eat his carrots, younger brother replied: "Eat them yourself, Dad".
I guarantee you after the punishment he received, we never came back with a smart ass response like, "no" or "why don't you do it". We just did. Mutual respect? Yeah, we respected their wishes, and they respected us for doing the job.
There was no "asking" and no excuses as to why they asked....I would never have respected that as a child.
Dad had the tom Sawyer method. We made mowing the lawn fun and a bit playful and some what of a privilege to operate the lawn mower.
Dad played with us and we made things together .and I did the same things with my kids growing up.
My dad was the best.
When I was 5, and my younger brother was 4, we were seated at the dinner table. My younger brother did not want to eat his carrots. Dad told him to eat his carrots, younger brother replied: "Eat them yourself, Dad".
I guarantee you after the punishment he received, we never came back with a smart ass response like, "no" or "why don't you do it". We just did. Mutual respect? Yeah, we respected their wishes, and they respected us for doing the job.
There was no "asking" and no excuses as to why they asked....I would never have respected that as a child.
I would have not made my kid eat the carrots, but they would get something truly awful for the next meal and the next. ( like spaghetti or potato/leek soup) They would not get carrots again until they were begging for it. They won't starve.
My kid knows this and doesn't sass me much. She can be kind, helpful, and respectful and that will be reciprocated.
I'm 21 (without children) and I'd like to chime in...
When my mom asks me to do something and I don't want to do it, I say, "No". If she tells me to do something and I don't want to do it, I do it (without a smile on my face). She hates it when I say that and my response is, "Don't be mad at me for saying 'no' when you asked."
She will then either beg me or ask my brother. I never say, "Why don't you do it?" because I think that's rude and I know the reason why she won't do it is because she doesn't know how or she doesn't feel like it.
When my oldest daughter was in preschool, her teacher told me that she was uncooperative and would not listen to her teachers when told to do something. This surprised me, as she was very obedient at home and I knew she liked preschool and her teachers, so I didn't think she would be purposefully disruptive.
I volunteered in the classroom the following day, so I could observe for myself. At one point, she was very involved in a puzzle, when her teacher called her over to join another activity. She did so by saying something along the lines of, "R, would you like to do X now?" Well, my child looked up briefly from her puzzle, and said "No" and then went right back to work. Her teacher looked at me as if to say, "See? THAT'S what I'm talking about!" I knew immediately that my child was being literal, and taking the teacher's "request" at face value. "Would you LIKE to do X now?"
I TOLD my daughter, "R, go over to Mrs. Teacher and do that activity right now." and she did. No fuss.
After class, I explained to the teacher that R was extremely literal (moreso than most 4-year olds) and that they had to rephrase the "question" if it was truly a command. I also spoke to my daughter and explained how the teacher wasn't really asking a question, she was telling her to do something. That was a more difficult conversation and required us to practice at home several times (I had previously adjusted the way I spoke to her, to always give commands rather than ask).
Now, you are 21 years old, not a preschooler with Aspberger's. You KNOW what your mom's intentions are, so why be deliberately obtuse? It is disrespectful and immature. You ought to be grateful for the support she's giving you; she shouldn't have to ask at all, but if she does, then help her out without giving the poor woman a headache over how she phrases the request!
Last edited by sonderella; 07-08-2015 at 07:35 AM..
Reason: fix wording
I can barely do any chores or cook any meals anymore because my 17 year old son is always jumping up and doing them before I even get out of my office chair. He's never told me anything like "No" when told to do something. He did ask once, "Why can't you do it yourself?" - not in a sassy, back-talk way, but because he was involved in a project and didn't want to get up. I simply answered, "Because I have to get back to work." I work at home and he understands work outranks any other tasks. Five minutes later he got up and did the thing.
Start when they're just walking and demonstrate and teach that everyone in the family has jobs to do and everyone has to help or they're not being the best person they can be. I did a lot of asking thought-provoking questions about how he wanted to be perceived by others (Do you want people to think they can't count on you? Would you rather feel proud to have helped out or feel sorry that you missed the chance to do something good?) and how he wanted to see himself. I see too many parents asking rhetorical questions and not having the child come up with an answer. Make kids think!
I agree with others though who say not to ask your kid to do something unless it's perfectly fine if they don't do it. And I certainly don't agree with whacking the kid who doesn't do a chore like someone might with a mule who refused to pull a barge 100 years ago.
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