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I would also ask your husband if he thinks it is fair to take away from his family (you, his wife, children if you have them)
to support those in another country who are doing nothing to help support themselves.
Helping support someone is very different than someone taking complete advantage of the goodness of others and not seeking a way to better their own lives.
Is he planning on supporting the sister after she turns 18 and is out of school but not working because her brother from the USA has no problem supporting her and her boyfriend and all of her vices?
What about your future, your retirement and what is going to happen if there is an illness or an accident and you need all the money in your household to keep yourselves sustained?
Well right now we don't have kids and we're in our 20's so perhaps we're a little inexperienced with this. I think I'm just going to have to set a deadline for things, like how long we should support them, what they should stop spending money on (or make money themselves to sustain that). The mom we don't know because she hasn't worked for so long and cannot do much work because of a surgery in the past, but I do not want her to be handicapped because she's only in her 40s. I'm very aware of the need of saving money for emergencies and the future because I'm very disciplined in that area and I manage most of the finances. I'll try to convenience my husband about it and try to get as many people to side with me on the subject. But perhaps take it one step at a time.
I would also ask your husband if he thinks it is fair to take away from his family (you, his wife, children if you have them)
to support those in another country who are doing nothing to help support themselves.
Helping support someone is very different than someone taking complete advantage of the goodness of others and not seeking a way to better their own lives.
Is he planning on supporting the sister after she turns 18 and is out of school but not working because her brother from the USA has no problem supporting her and her boyfriend and all of her vices?
What about your future, your retirement and what is going to happen if there is an illness or an accident and you need all the money in your household to keep yourselves sustained?
Great Points.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eatcake
Well right now we don't have kids and we're in our 20's so perhaps we're a little inexperienced with this. I think I'm just going to have to set a deadline for things, like how long we should support them, what they should stop spending money on (or make money themselves to sustain that). The mom we don't know because she hasn't worked for so long and cannot do much work because of a surgery in the past, but I do not want her to be handicapped because she's only in her 40s. I'm very aware of the need of saving money for emergencies and the future because I'm very disciplined in that area and I manage most of the finances. I'll try to convenience my husband about it and try to get as many people to side with me on the subject. But perhaps take it one step at a time.
Look at it this way. Let's say that you continue to support the mom because she is disabled. She is only in her 40s. Are you prepared to do that for the next ten years? When you may be starting a family and maybe buying a home of your own?
Are you prepared to do that for the next twenty years? When you may be raising several children and saving for their college & your retirement?
Are you prepared to do that for the next thirty years? When your children are in college and you are rapidly facing retirement?
Are you prepared to do that for the next forty years, the mom will only be in her 80s? When you may want to start your retirement as you will be in your 60s?
Or haven't you and your husband discussed the future?
Also what income do they have themselves? They should have something from their social security system.
No they do not have social security, all the income is from us. I'm not sure if they get money from somewhere else. The bf makes a little bit of money, but whatever he makes is not enough to fully support himself. I'll look into the direct pay thing. Right now we're trying to keep it just at 500 a month, while in the past reckless spending and emergencies had racked it up to 8-900.
No they do not have social security, all the income is from us. I'm not sure if they get money from somewhere else. The bf makes a little bit of money, but whatever he makes is not enough to fully support himself. I'll look into the direct pay thing. Right now we're trying to keep it just at 500 a month, while in the past reckless spending and emergencies had racked it up to 8-900.
What would happen to them if they did not have "rich relatives who live in America"?
Is it possible that the BF would "step up" and look for a better job or find ways to make extra money?
Is it possible that the daughter would work part time while going to school (like many, many, many teens do all over the world)?
Is it possible that the Mom would be able to find other ways to supplement her income or get free food or government services or charity through a church or take in boarders or something else? What did she do before you started to send her money?
Is it possible that by giving money, to the daughter and her boyfriend, you are not encouraging them to even try to support themselves? (Of course, maybe the economy so bad that they can not find jobs in that city. But what do other people do? Try harder? Change jobs? Move to a different city?)
The mum should get unemployment money at least if she's worked at least some years. I'd make sure she applies for that if she hasn't already. I'd pay the bills direct and then give a smaller amount for food.
What would happen to them if they did not have "rich relatives who live in America"?
Is it possible that the BF would "step up" and look for a better job or find ways to make extra money?
Is it possible that the daughter would work part time while going to school (like many, many, many teens do all over the world)?
Is it possible that the Mom would be able to find other ways to supplement her income or get free food or government services or charity through a church or take in boarders or something else? What did she do before you started to send her money?
Is it possible that by giving money, to the daughter and her boyfriend, you are not encouraging them to even try to support themselves? (Of course, maybe the economy so bad that they can not find jobs in that city. But what do other people do? Try harder? Change jobs? Move to a different city?)
To be truthful, I'm pretty sure they can if forced to, might take some to get used to. I know they are probably too used to having things handed, and other dramas manage to take up time. My husband wants to take it slowly for them to adjust to that. The important thing for him is the mom needs to be sober all the time to take control of the situation. I just don't know how long of time span he plans to make it happen. I think maybe I should give a time frame for myself and put some pressure along, if by the end of the year nothing really changes, I'll speak to his family here about it, or take some drastic measures..
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