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Old 01-24-2008, 12:00 AM
 
69,372 posts, read 53,591,148 times
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Today during my visit with my son at the hospital, where he is there so they can properly adjust his medications due to ADHD, he told me that he is playing with himself at night when he cant sleep (which is often).

Ok, we've all done it, but my son is 7.. He is adopted, but has been with us for several years. His previous foster parents beat him so bad with a belt, after loosing their cool with him, that they went to jail for a year. The home before that would lock him up in the basement all day, so they could watch tv in "peace". Before that.. well, you get the picture.

After hearing this, I'm starting to wonder if he was sexually abused somewhere along the line because 7, sounds really young to me to realise this type of feelings, but I could be wrong, I dont remember back that long.

Anyone want to share how old their child realised this?
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Old 01-24-2008, 04:25 AM
 
Location: FL
1,943 posts, read 7,626,018 times
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Well, you're lucky you had that information shared with you. Not many children would tell their parents that! I remember when I first found out about the "m" word, I was 11...but I sure didn't tell my parents! My own two children are 7 and 12 and so far, I haven't found out anything different.

It is part of what they were exposed to. While I didn't find out about "M" when I was 7, I was kissing boys and exposing myself to them-just playing, but it was inappropriate...but then again, I heard s e x all about my house...witnessed it with my parent's friends...so I wasn't growing up in the best environment and I am sure whatever I was doing, was their fault.

Then again, I did hear that even at age 2, children "M" themselves because...hey, they accidently stroked it, and it feels good

I would try to find out about any sexual abuse because he might need counseling. I woulldn't want to so much say it is a bad thing to him...but make sure that no one else sees it, he doens't talk about it with anyone else...and then give him the discussion that on anyone else, anything that would be covering by a bathing suit is private parts and he isn't allowed to touch anyone's and NO ONE is allowed to touch his.
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Old 01-24-2008, 07:20 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,531 posts, read 42,694,765 times
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Very good advise.
Have a talk with him about what's private and what's private behavior. It sounds as though he is self-comforting this way. I agree, it sounds like the little guy has had some bad things happen that are affecting his behavior, but it's good you know about it and can help him deal with it.
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Old 01-24-2008, 07:58 AM
 
69,372 posts, read 53,591,148 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrshvo View Post
Well, you're lucky you had that information shared with you. Not many children would tell their parents that! I remember when I first found out about the "m" word, I was 11...but I sure didn't tell my parents! My own two children are 7 and 12 and so far, I haven't found out anything different.

It is part of what they were exposed to. While I didn't find out about "M" when I was 7, I was kissing boys and exposing myself to them-just playing, but it was inappropriate...but then again, I heard s e x all about my house...witnessed it with my parent's friends...so I wasn't growing up in the best environment and I am sure whatever I was doing, was their fault.

Then again, I did hear that even at age 2, children "M" themselves because...hey, they accidently stroked it, and it feels good

I would try to find out about any sexual abuse because he might need counseling. I woulldn't want to so much say it is a bad thing to him...but make sure that no one else sees it, he doens't talk about it with anyone else...and then give him the discussion that on anyone else, anything that would be covering by a bathing suit is private parts and he isn't allowed to touch anyone's and NO ONE is allowed to touch his.
Thanks, that pretty much confirmed what I thought. I surely dont remember doing things like that at 7... wow.
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Old 01-24-2008, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Chicago
2,467 posts, read 11,118,164 times
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I'm a therapist. I work with 3 year olds who notice these things. This does not mean that he was sexually abused!!!! As someone mentioned, just discuss doing private things in private (also, this is a good time to open up the "no one else should touch your privates" speech)
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Old 01-24-2008, 12:16 PM
 
69,372 posts, read 53,591,148 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jessiegirl_98 View Post
I'm a therapist. I work with 3 year olds who notice these things. This does not mean that he was sexually abused!!!! As someone mentioned, just discuss doing private things in private (also, this is a good time to open up the "no one else should touch your privates" speech)
Thanks, thats pretty much the angle I took it on, its normal, just do it in your own room in privacy. I'm under the impression that there was no sexual abuse in his past because we asked in detail about these facts, but we had another kid in our how that we did not adopt, (was never a plan) who was 3, and he was doing things, but he was abused.

Our son has been in our home for 2+ years, and hasnt done anything to show that he had been, I just know I would not have brought this up with my parents if I did it at 7.
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Old 01-24-2008, 12:38 PM
 
3,367 posts, read 9,863,452 times
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It's perfectly normal, but as someone already said, it is better than normal that he feels comfortable telling you about it!

My elder boy did this, but not my younger son. We joked with him about it but didn't make a huge deal of it, and gave him the 'your body is private' talk too.

I think the chance of being kind, honest and open with his family is the best therapy your son will ever receive.
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