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Old 01-25-2008, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Seattle, WA
1,368 posts, read 5,879,213 times
Reputation: 534

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nic529 View Post
Sorry - your parents house - your parents rules - it was inappropriate in my opinion as well.
Would the same be true if it was a normal landlord enforcing the rules?

I'm just feeling a little outnumbered here. Maybe I should've asked this in the renting forum.
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Old 01-25-2008, 02:01 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,342,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Radek View Post
Would the same be true if it was a normal landlord enforcing the rules?

I'm just feeling a little outnumbered here. Maybe I should've asked this in the renting forum.
Kind of-yes. I couldn't have cats in my apartment. That's a pretty standard exclusion when renting. And let's say for argument sake it wasn't in the lease. I never specifically asked if I could have them. They never specifically said I can't have them. So I get a cat. I pay rent-it's "my space" so I'm fine. Now the landlord says he doesn't want cats in his place. I would be pissed that I couldn't have them, and would make every argument why I should be able to have them, but at the end of the day, it's still his place and I would be begging a relative to take the cat.
It's a pretty standard expectation that parents of young children are not going to want their kids exposed-either blatantly or otherwise-to co-ed sleepovers. I just don't see how there's anyway for you to come out on the winning end with this one. You are persistant though-I'll give you that much.
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Old 01-25-2008, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Burlington County NJ
1,969 posts, read 5,287,727 times
Reputation: 2657
Quote:
Originally Posted by Radek View Post
Would the same be true if it was a normal landlord enforcing the rules?

I'm just feeling a little outnumbered here. Maybe I should've asked this in the renting forum.
I can understand why you would feel that way - but I don't think any one is trying to hurt your feelings. There are just certain things that shouldn't be done. Having a girl sleepover while still living in your parents home is simply inappropriate out of respect for your parents.

If you were renting your own apartment, yes, it would be different - your home - your rules - and your parents don't need to know that their 19 yr old son has a girl sleeping over.
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Old 01-25-2008, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Seattle, WA
1,368 posts, read 5,879,213 times
Reputation: 534
Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
Kind of-yes. I couldn't have cats in my apartment. That's a pretty standard exclusion when renting. And let's say for argument sake it wasn't in the lease. I never specifically asked if I could have them. They never specifically said I can't have them. So I get a cat. I pay rent-it's "my space" so I'm fine. Now the landlord says he doesn't want cats in his place. I would be pissed that I couldn't have them, and would make every argument why I should be able to have them, but at the end of the day, it's still his place and I would be begging a relative to take the cat.
It's a pretty standard expectation that parents of young children are not going to want their kids exposed-either blatantly or otherwise-to co-ed sleepovers. I just don't see how there's anyway for you to come out on the winning end with this one. You are persistant though-I'll give you that much.
Its a family trait. That, and its a ridiculously slow day at work. And here's where I'm going to build on your example.

If the landlord gets all pissed off about the cat, says its against the rules, etc. Its one thing, compared to the landlord saying, "we didn't explicitly state it in the lease, but cats are a no go." However, you'd have legal grounds... but anyway. What I'm saying is that her reaction was over the top.

Also, cats can cause some serious house damage, cat urine is a ridiculously hard smell to get rid of, etc.

My ex was by no means destructive.
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Old 01-25-2008, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Bike to Surf!
3,080 posts, read 9,689,364 times
Reputation: 2977
Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
Kind of-yes. I couldn't have cats in my apartment. That's a pretty standard exclusion when renting. And let's say for argument sake it wasn't in the lease. I never specifically asked if I could have them. They never specifically said I can't have them. So I get a cat. I pay rent-it's "my space" so I'm fine. Now the landlord says he doesn't want cats in his place. I would be pissed that I couldn't have them, and would make every argument why I should be able to have them, but at the end of the day, it's still his place and I would be begging a relative to take the cat.
It's a pretty standard expectation that parents of young children are not going to want their kids exposed-either blatantly or otherwise-to co-ed sleepovers. I just don't see how there's anyway for you to come out on the winning end with this one. You are persistant though-I'll give you that much.
You're kidding me, right?

I wish I could find a tenant like you!

If a landlord thinks that they can dictate who visits their tenant, and when they can visit, without a signed contract, they've got another thing coming!

Having cats is totally different from having a visitor. Your lease will specifically state "no pets" (or it will have you list how many pets you intend to keep and charge you appropriately). If it doesnt, then you can have all the kitties your little heart desires.

I've been offered rooms for rent in people's houses. In no way shape or form would that grant them the right to determine whether I could have a male, female, or "other" guest over to spend the night--unless it was specifically stated in the lease (and then I certainly wouldn't sign, and look for housing elsewhere).

If a landlord doesn't want their tenant bringing female visitors into the rented room in their house because of young children or whatever, then they'd be better off not renting that room out. Or trying to get a tenant to sign a lease that specifically states as much. In this case, the onus was on the parents/landlords to inform the son/tenant AHEAD OF TIME what was expected of him. Since they failed to do so, they cannot retroactively implement some arbitrary set of rules.

That being said, the son/tenant would be well-advised to consult with the parents/landlord about what is acceptable and work things out ahead of time. Or afterward. Which is what this guy is trying to do. Yet the person who sets the rules refuses to talk to him directly about it, and he is thus understandably upset.

But like another poster said; to get along with your family, you don't always have to be wrong in order for it to be a good idea to apologize and make up.
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Old 01-25-2008, 07:00 PM
 
Location: Chicago
2,467 posts, read 11,120,545 times
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Again, they were your parents, not your landlord. If you wanted the freedom of having a landlord, you should have rented an apartment, not rented from your parents.
Again, I don't think your parents were wrong, but that's a moot point. It's been 2 years and you are still upset about it. Even if you think they were wrong, you need to move on! If you really need to, then discuss it with them. Otherwise, agree to disagree and let go.
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Old 01-26-2008, 09:21 PM
 
180 posts, read 887,722 times
Reputation: 162
"I believe that your parent's forefit the right to tell you how and with whom to occupy your rented space the moment they start charging you for it."

Sorry, I disagree with this posted statement. Paying "rent" doesn't rent a space. I'll qualify that with "not in my parental experience".

My kids have all come home at one time or another and paid to stay. The money went to the extra groceries, the extra water bill charges, the extra laundry soap, the extra shampoo, the extra electricity, toilet paper.... etc. None of that stuff is cheap. "Paying rent" doesn't buy you a 12 x 12 room or whatever. It's for the extras that no one sees. As far as I am concerned, that room's there, it's vacant, it's fine for my kids to come home occasionally and use it. It's the other part of "rent" that can be so costly and what we ask for help with.

anyway, I think this o.p. is more about the step mom's reaction to dad and not addressing the behaviour rules with step son prior to the arrangement. I do agree with the poster that said she did the right thing, talking to dad first. However, I think there should have been a point where all three of you sat down to talk calmly too.

Good luck Radek and I'm glad you and all concerned are in a better place with each other.
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Old 01-27-2008, 05:40 AM
 
Location: Seattle, WA
1,368 posts, read 5,879,213 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Triplewillow View Post
"I believe that your parent's forefit the right to tell you how and with whom to occupy your rented space the moment they start charging you for it."

Sorry, I disagree with this posted statement. Paying "rent" doesn't rent a space. I'll qualify that with "not in my parental experience".

My kids have all come home at one time or another and paid to stay. The money went to the extra groceries, the extra water bill charges, the extra laundry soap, the extra shampoo, the extra electricity, toilet paper.... etc. None of that stuff is cheap. "Paying rent" doesn't buy you a 12 x 12 room or whatever. It's for the extras that no one sees. As far as I am concerned, that room's there, it's vacant, it's fine for my kids to come home occasionally and use it. It's the other part of "rent" that can be so costly and what we ask for help with.

anyway, I think this o.p. is more about the step mom's reaction to dad and not addressing the behaviour rules with step son prior to the arrangement. I do agree with the poster that said she did the right thing, talking to dad first. However, I think there should have been a point where all three of you sat down to talk calmly too.

Good luck Radek and I'm glad you and all concerned are in a better place with each other.
Thanks for the kind words, but my father being a landlord of various other properties, and myself having helped him out on those properties, we, and my step-mom, all know the majority of applicable landlord-tenant laws.

This was not a, "Im coming home for a week during break"
This was not a, "I'm going to be eating dinner with you all"

'rent' is not to cover the food, toiletries, water, etc. Thats the &Board of any equation. No, I did not pay for electric, water, etc seperately... but thats because theres no way to meter my usage, and so it was part of my rent. I also bought my own shampoo, my own soap, my own, etc. I was functionally entirely independent from my parents, and I shared the same roof because it was convienent economically and for work and my social life. When those things were no longer true, I vacated.

I rarely ate with them due to my work schedule, and mostly ate out, and if not, I tended to eat my own food, with very little overlap into what they bought.

So, again I argue that while we're dealing with a situation in which we have a step-parent/step-son issue, the issue shouldn't have ever existed in this fashion because of the fiscal setup, and that I was a tenant, contributing rent.

But willow, you are correct in that I am frustrated by the way in which it was handled, and that this particular issue is one that I find, not common, but existant in my step-mother.
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Old 01-27-2008, 09:05 AM
 
48 posts, read 144,198 times
Reputation: 34
Ok heres my two cents....

acceptable for them to say no spending the night... as a mom I say yes but if they had never made it a condition well...you did what was best and moved.

As to step mom's behavior. It sounds like she did not want to be the bad guy and did not want to argue with you about it and foisted it on your dad. Personally, I would sit the two of them down and tell them that while you disagree about the whole spending the night issue its thier house and you moved no problem. But you want to have a healthy relationship with your Dad AND Step mom and to do that you feel like you all need to be able to talk to each other. Hopefully you guys will be able to work it out and be able to get along.

Sorry that its still bugging you about the whole situation
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Old 01-27-2008, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes + some
2,885 posts, read 1,422,165 times
Reputation: 346
Lesson: Never do business with family or friends. In the meantime, makeup with them. Later in life you'll be sorry you let something like this end a relationship. It's not worth it. Let it go. If you want to address it when you next go home, bear in mind that it may magnify the situation. Just leave it alone and take it as an unfortunate occurrence, nothing more.
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