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Thread summary:

Parenting: children, marriage help,

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Old 01-28-2008, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,053 posts, read 3,085,800 times
Reputation: 470

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Briolat21 View Post
I've just never been one of those people who likes babies. I like children. I am good with children. Babies are just not my cup of tea. So I can completely understand how a person might want to adopt, but not be interested in giving birth. I think I would be a great parent, I had great parents as role models, I have a lot to offer. But babies - *ick*.

But, that's okay - because IF we decide to have children, and are able to have them naturally, we'll get through the baby stage (maybe I'll even think our babies are wonderful, who knows) - and then there will be toddlers and children, and yes - eventually teenagers.

I just think its very normal to not be interested in babies, but still want to consider having children. People act like all women LOVE BABIES. Sorry, not true. Even though I want to have children someday, I am not looking forward to the baby part. It has no bearing on my ability to be a great parent someday, just means that I have different likes than many of you.
If you have your own baby, you probably will not hold him/her and think "ick". It probably won't be something you have to "get through", like a grin and bear it kind of thing.

I'm not all that crazy about other people's babies either.
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Old 01-28-2008, 05:48 PM
 
3,763 posts, read 12,521,926 times
Reputation: 6854
thank you for that!!!

I just get irritated when people assume that all women naturally love babies!! I don't think that's true. Maybe a lot of women do - but like some of the other posters, when I think of children - I think of CHILDREN. 3 year olds running around. Learning to talk, walking, running, playing... (being taught algebra equations, but I'm weird..).

The baby part (helplessly lying there with drool!) does not appeal to me at all. I am sure that if we decide to have children, we will of course love them even as babies. But I just don't think its weird at all to think of wanting children, but not particularly wanting babies!!

Like the person who mentioned that they thought of the 4 year old girl with the bow in their hair.... "oh shoot - they don't come like that!!" That's how I think too!!

As for adopting, if we decide to try to have children and find we can't and seriously pursue adoption, we will be prepared for whatever comes. I am not interested in babies because of the amount of work, I just find babies UNINTERESTING. Toddlers run around, and talk, and DO things. Babies lie there. And burb. And drool. And eat. And poop.

Could I understand how a parent would love their own infant - of course!! But personally, I think they get a lot more interesting later in life. Has nothing to do with it being easier.

And yes, this is one of those tomato - tomahto things. There are baby people, and children people. I am a children person. I will always love a child of mine (natural or adopted) but personally, won't look forward to the infant part. Now, once I have said child - I'm sure I'll love it and won't be able to imagine life without it. But that doesn't meant that now, with no child in sight, me not liking babies is weird. It just means I have a preference and the preference is for the toddler and up stages of childhood.
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Old 01-28-2008, 06:09 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,703,289 times
Reputation: 1858
Quote:
Originally Posted by Briolat21 View Post
thank you for that!!!

I just get irritated when people assume that all women naturally love babies!! I don't think that's true. Maybe a lot of women do - but like some of the other posters, when I think of children - I think of CHILDREN. 3 year olds running around. Learning to talk, walking, running, playing... (being taught algebra equations, but I'm weird..).

The baby part (helplessly lying there with drool!) does not appeal to me at all. I am sure that if we decide to have children, we will of course love them even as babies. But I just don't think its weird at all to think of wanting children, but not particularly wanting babies!!

Like the person who mentioned that they thought of the 4 year old girl with the bow in their hair.... "oh shoot - they don't come like that!!" That's how I think too!!

As for adopting, if we decide to try to have children and find we can't and seriously pursue adoption, we will be prepared for whatever comes. I am not interested in babies because of the amount of work, I just find babies UNINTERESTING. Toddlers run around, and talk, and DO things. Babies lie there. And burb. And drool. And eat. And poop.

Could I understand how a parent would love their own infant - of course!! But personally, I think they get a lot more interesting later in life. Has nothing to do with it being easier.

And yes, this is one of those tomato - tomahto things. There are baby people, and children people. I am a children person. I will always love a child of mine (natural or adopted) but personally, won't look forward to the infant part. Now, once I have said child - I'm sure I'll love it and won't be able to imagine life without it. But that doesn't meant that now, with no child in sight, me not liking babies is weird. It just means I have a preference and the preference is for the toddler and up stages of childhood.
that's me talking about the bow...anyway, yes, I was the type of person that said "ick" but it is very different when it is your baby. I remember the first time I saw my child and she looked exactly like her daddy and I was all over her, just like I'm all over her daddy...Anyway, also, my oldest is 6 and youngest is 4, a friend of mine has a 11 month old. The other day I was watching the baby while my friend went into a bathroom. The baby was crying so I was trying to get him out of the carrier, I couldn't get it undone, I was all thumbs. My children were screaming at me to get him out, I got all flustered...anyway, I finally got him out and carrying him just felt awkward and ready to give him back to her. So, long story short, I know how you feel...I am not a "baby" person but for mine, yeah, you get through it...
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Old 01-28-2008, 10:04 PM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 6,459,269 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doglover29 View Post
I just finished reading this interesting book. What it is is a compilation of essays from writers who struggled with the question of whether or not to have kids. The book is divided into three parts: those who decided no, those on the fence, and those who decided to have kids.

The book was very thought-provoking. I read it because I am on the fence myself about having kids. I'm a woman in my early 30's, married for several years, but am truly on the fence about this. The essays really captured a lot of my thoughts on the topic. I will admit I identified most with the "no's" but I also agreed with a lot of what the "yesses" had to say.

I'm trying to do research in order to make an informed decision. I don't have any friends who are pregnant or who have kids, so it makes it harder to learn more about parenthood.
I love being a parent myself. My kids, my husband... they are my everything. However, if you and your husband are happy with your life as it is then you can lead a fulfilling life without children (if that's what you want). It is not written anywhere that you have to have children. Don't have kids because you might regret it, don't have them because of societal pressures, don't have kids because you don't want to die alone... have them because you REALLY want them. It's not something that is easy or right for everyone - it's a lifestyle choice.

Last edited by mommabear2; 01-28-2008 at 10:21 PM..
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Old 01-29-2008, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Turn Left at Greenland
17,763 posts, read 39,661,685 times
Reputation: 8243
Quote:
Originally Posted by therewego View Post
that's me talking about the bow...anyway, yes, I was the type of person that said "ick" but it is very different when it is your baby. I remember the first time I saw my child and she looked exactly like her daddy and I was all over her, just like I'm all over her daddy...Anyway, also, my oldest is 6 and youngest is 4, a friend of mine has a 11 month old. The other day I was watching the baby while my friend went into a bathroom. The baby was crying so I was trying to get him out of the carrier, I couldn't get it undone, I was all thumbs. My children were screaming at me to get him out, I got all flustered...anyway, I finally got him out and carrying him just felt awkward and ready to give him back to her. So, long story short, I know how you feel...I am not a "baby" person but for mine, yeah, you get through it...
I would definitely say I'm a children person. But trust me, those infant months ... and it is only MONTHS, go by so quickly because you are so busy ... it's like you snap your fingers and they are done being infants. I'm enjoying the heck out of my 7, 6 & 3 years olds. I'll wish they were drooly and poopy infants when they are 16, 15 & 12 ... god help me.
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Old 01-30-2008, 05:32 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes + some
2,885 posts, read 1,977,364 times
Reputation: 346
Your kids are at GREAT ages, domer
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Old 01-30-2008, 06:09 PM
 
Location: somewhere in the south
403 posts, read 1,578,487 times
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I think there is a lot of stigma and coldness towards childless women and couples.
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Old 01-30-2008, 06:14 PM
 
269 posts, read 541,741 times
Reputation: 130
I'm sooo not a "baby" person, either, and I'm actually not really a toddler person, either. Hell, let's just admit it, kids (generally speaking) don't interest me all that much.

But it IS very different when they are your own children. The drool and poop doesn't even faze you. Conversations that would strike you as being completely beneath you are riveting. "oh? Stinky poopie? Yes, that IS a stinky poopie! You're so very smart!"

Even now, I have a tough time sometimes dealing with other people's children... some of them seem too wild, others seem too needy, some seem quite spoiled, and I certainly am NOT changing any of their diapers unless their mom knows that she OWES ME A BIG ONE after that.

My OWN kids, though, are completely fascinating to me. It's like the difference between thinking about being intimate with your closest friend's husband (generally, ewwwwww!) and your own husband.

Something chemical in that kind of love.

Right-brain logic has nothing to do with it, I'm afraid.
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Old 01-30-2008, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes + some
2,885 posts, read 1,977,364 times
Reputation: 346
I definitely think it's a couple's choice to have a baby or not.

Coffee, you sound exactly like me. Not a baby/child lover. But the sun rose and set on my own children in my mind and now my granddaughter.
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Old 01-30-2008, 07:22 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,920,467 times
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My husband isn't much of a baby person either. He changed diapers, bathed and fed her just fine, but I think he really only enjoyed holding our infant daughter when it was nap time because that meant he could take a nap on the couch with her sleeping on his chest. LOL. He is definately a fantastic "kid" person/dad.
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