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a) she is leeching off the welfare system
b) deciding to bring ANOTHER innocent child into this world, given her horrible parenting ways,
c) if you are a party animal and love to get drunk over half the week, shouldnt be having kids in the first place...not even 1.
forgot to add - when my mom is home for the day, they look decent (not well groomed, but at least they are not smelly or dirty) but when she is gone, they look dirty/messy. Simple as that.
Do you not realize that her kids will do exactly the same things that are pissing you off without some kind of intervention? You say it pisses you off, well then you need to do something so the kids don't fall into exactly the same life when they become teenagers and adults. If something isn't done, they will never know any different. Let that rest on your conscience for awhile.
Do you not realize that her kids will do exactly the same things that are pissing you off without some kind of intervention? You say it pisses you off, well then you need to do something so the kids don't fall into exactly the same life when they become teenagers and adults. If something isn't done, they will never know any different. Let that rest on your conscience for awhile.
I purposely brought up the CPS thing with my mom and she outright told me (again tonight) to mind my own business and that she could handle them as long as she is around. I have asked her in the past to come spend the night at my place, just for fun and to relax for a bit but she said no, that she has to watch the kids, so obviously while she is here she doesnt want to be away from them and I am guessing by the looks of it, she is trying to clean/look after them to prevent what everyone is telling me to do: call cps. If I go anonymously and call them, its so simple that she will know that I ratted my sister out because I am the only one that she relays to about the kid's living conditions. I mean seriously. The kids have been kept indoors practically since they were born aside from going to the babysitter's when my mom is unavailable. Its been at least 5 years and no one came knocking at the door and suddenly people show up. If I were my mom, there would be a red flag alert and she wouldnt hesitate to call me and going hysterical.
I dont doubt that things could be under control while my mom is here. She dedicates 90% of her time to them because she lives in the same house, I am just worried about when she is gone and of course if things go bad again after she leaves THEN I have the responsibility to call even if it means they WILL find out its me since no one knows.
I mean imagine you are one of those cps officials. You hear a report adn come knocking at someone else's door. My mom opens the door. The house is sparkling clean (because she constantly keeps it that way), the kids are tidied up (again, because she's home) you find food in the fridge (there's no way to prove if the kids eat it or not)...do you get where I am going? When my mom is around THERE IS NOTHING TO REPORT. I bet if cps randomly knocks on the door, my mom would have her red flag up and probably would never leave the house again just to be on the safe side. I can call cps right at this minute, but I am willing to bet money that nothing will be done because when my mom is around, all seems like an ordinary family, 2 working parents and 4 small kids with a live in grandma.
Is your sister aware that drinking during pregnancy can cause great harm to the baby's physical, mental, and emotional well-being? Does she know about fetal alcohol syndrome and fetal alcohol effect? (FAS and FAE). Is she seeing an obstetrician? If so, you might alert the doctor to your sister's drinking habits.
Yea she is seeing an ob. As mentioned earlier, she does care about her babies up until they are 1 or 2 months old. After they reach a certain age, the neglect starts to happen. I have no idea why. She does smoke and drink during all of her pregnancies although she will probably cut down on it, that I dont know for certain though. Again, I am not close to her. As we got older, we just grew apart especially with nothing in common. I have no idea who her ob is and even if I ask casually, isnt it weird for me to just call up their office and be like "hey can you tell my sister to quit drinking?"
I appreciate all the advises, but is there an option for me to not look like one of those neighbors who likes to snoop around between the fences?
If I were you ide mind my own business. your mom is there to manage the kids. let it be. Calling cps is not going to change anything except for the relationship you have with your mom and sister, in a very negitive way. If the kids dont have bruses, the house is clean, there is food and an adult in the house with the kids, there isn't much CPS can do. they will do a home visit, check the things I mentioned out and thats it. I have worked for CPS and foster care so i have seen it before.
On a side note. alot of foster homes aren't much better. alot of stuff is over looked because.the state needs more foster homes than they have. alot of them do it for the money, some do it to try n keep the kid when that by far is not the purpose of foster homes. To be honest, if your mom is taking care of the kids, its probably the best route. CPS will look to family to take the.kids first anyway. Its to easy to become a foster parent in my opinion
Why doesn't your mother take the children outside? Kids need fresh air and time to explore.
the most she can do is let them play out in the front yard. She doesnt drive and its kind of a hassle to take all 4 kids (2 being toddlers) just walking along the street.
I can see your frustration very clearly, but do you realize that you have made excuses and come up with reasons why you cannot follow A SINGLE ONE of the many very realistic and practical suggestions that other posters have made?
Do you want to help these poor kids, or are you here simply to vent and perhaps make yourself feel better about yourself? That's not going to help your nieces and nephews one bit.
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It would have saved a lot of people a lot of time if you had clarified that to begin with.
Ok so my options are A) to call cps or B) become more involved in their lives
I am not trying to side step - but people should understand that even if I do call cps, nothing will be done (as one poster pointed out). The last time I brought it up with my mom (which was last night), she was clearly upset about it and told me to mind my own business, and guess what? She hasnt picked up her phone the entire day. She usually calls me non stop. So if what I am assuming is true, I have gotten on her bad side.
What do I do now? Show up unannounced and be like "let me see the kids so I can give them a bath"
Here is the thing. She is my adopted sister who is 9 years older than me. She led a troubled life and became a runaway when she was 16. I remember my parents driving aroudn town looking for her. She eventually moved out when she was 18 and I was 9. We didnt have a loving relationship with one another because she was so out of control and aggressive almost like she could snap any moment. To be honest, I dont even like to cross her path because she is so crazy and capable of doing anything (we got in a fight once when I was 16 and she punched right through my bedroom door because I was scared and wouldnt let her in). Just to sum it up - she's one of those tough gals who's not scared of beating the crap out of you BUT (I know people would start fearing for the kids), I've never seen or heard her inflict that kind of agressive behavior on her kids. She uses those tactics on the streets most I've heard is she spanking them.
If it werent for my mom living there, I dont think I would ever see her in the first place. Thats why when my mom is away for 6 months at a time, I dont bother coming by at all. Call me a coward, but I dont want to get in her face. The kids are at the babysitter's anyways.
What we need is a long term solution because I have a life and I wont always be around. We have been thinking about moving to another state before my oldest goes to kindergarten.
Again - for those who said I should be more involved - sure. I can do that. I can come around when my mom is watching them and play with them, give them a bath or whatever, but again how do I stay committed if I decide to move across the state? So it still broils down to finding a long term solution.
And the cps option - I can call them, but like I said they will come and leave since my mom never leaves any traces behind when she is around. Not only will nothing be done (they'll probably leave and mutter "what a waste of time, I didnt see anything suspicious") but I will be exposed as the mole and who knows if it will **** off my sister.
I created this post to call out all those irresponsible people who keep having kids and not taking care of them. Sure, the kids may end up in foster care of whatever, but that doesnt change the content of my post.
I hope SOMEONE...ANYONE will take time to absorb this post and try to understand where I am coming from. I already said I could help, but it comes down to a long term solution.
Ok so my options are A) to call cps or B) become more involved in their lives
I am not trying to side step - but people should understand that even if I do call cps, nothing will be done (as one poster pointed out). The last time I brought it up with my mom (which was last night), she was clearly upset about it and told me to mind my own business, and guess what? She hasnt picked up her phone the entire day. She usually calls me non stop. So if what I am assuming is true, I have gotten on her bad side.
What do I do now? Show up unannounced and be like "let me see the kids so I can give them a bath"
Here is the thing. She is my adopted sister who is 9 years older than me. She led a troubled life and became a runaway when she was 16. I remember my parents driving aroudn town looking for her. She eventually moved out when she was 18 and I was 9. We didnt have a loving relationship with one another because she was so out of control and aggressive almost like she could snap any moment. To be honest, I dont even like to cross her path because she is so crazy and capable of doing anything (we got in a fight once when I was 16 and she punched right through my bedroom door because I was scared and wouldnt let her in). Just to sum it up - she's one of those tough gals who's not scared of beating the crap out of you BUT (I know people would start fearing for the kids), I've never seen or heard her inflict that kind of agressive behavior on her kids. She uses those tactics on the streets most I've heard is she spanking them.
If it werent for my mom living there, I dont think I would ever see her in the first place. Thats why when my mom is away for 6 months at a time, I dont bother coming by at all. Call me a coward, but I dont want to get in her face. The kids are at the babysitter's anyways.
What we need is a long term solution because I have a life and I wont always be around. We have been thinking about moving to another state before my oldest goes to kindergarten.
Again - for those who said I should be more involved - sure. I can do that. I can come around when my mom is watching them and play with them, give them a bath or whatever, but again how do I stay committed if I decide to move across the state? So it still broils down to finding a long term solution.
And the cps option - I can call them, but like I said they will come and leave since my mom never leaves any traces behind when she is around. Not only will nothing be done (they'll probably leave and mutter "what a waste of time, I didnt see anything suspicious") but I will be exposed as the mole and who knows if it will **** off my sister.
I created this post to call out all those irresponsible people who keep having kids and not taking care of them. Sure, the kids may end up in foster care of whatever, but that doesnt change the content of my post.
I hope SOMEONE...ANYONE will take time to absorb this post and try to understand where I am coming from. I already said I could help, but it comes down to a long term solution.
So what you are saying is that you think they suck as parents BUT their children aren't being abused and they have found people to meet their basic needs. If CPS needs not to be involved, then maybe you should just move on. Sounds like your opinion of your "adopted" sister (way to set adoptive families back 30 years) doesnt jive with reality anyways. She isn't being abusive, she has people taking care of the kids for her. Sounds like she has it worked out.
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