Terrible 2's or something else? (bi-polar, method, autism, spanking)
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I have a 2 1/2 year old (not 1st child, have older children) and she is very strong willed, to the point where the moment she does not get her way she goes into a complete inconsolable meltdown that lasts anywhere from 5 minutes to 30 minutes of just screaming, back arching, etc. I have never experienced this type of behavior with any of my other kids, or nieces and nephews so I am completely at a loss. I have always maintained consistency with my kids, and treat her no differently where no means no and boundaries are appropriately set.
An example of her meltdowns is say we are at the supermarket. When it is time to leave, and she doesn't want to leave a scene is made as I described above. I have tried everything. Time out doesn't work, calming techniques don't work, yelling doesn't work, she just has to work through it herself where she eventually exhausts herself from screaming...that is the only thing that stops the meltdowns. Since she was old enough to scream she has been this way and I am getting exhausted myself.
Now for the 2nd part. There is what I believe to be a similar issue with another member of the family. A close adult relative (in her 60's) who exhibits similar traits where if she doesn't get her way she completely throws a tantrum, and causes all sorts of family related issues. This family member has been hospitalized for anxiety attacks, and there is diagnosed bi-polar disorder on that side of the family as well. I am concerned that what if this is not just terrible 2's, how would I know? I see parallels with my daughters temperament and this adult family member. I spoke with the pediatrician about this on the last visit and she said it is too early to tell, but she did say that these traits can be inherited. Yikes...can anyone offer any advice or input? Has anyone had a strong willed child like mentioned above?
One of my older sons had some issues with serious resistance to change, etc beginning around that age. He would wake up from a nap at preschool and act the way you described your daughter, with inconsolable crying and screaming. He did it at other times, too.
The VERY short version of this story is that we started with our pediatrician, and then began the process to have him evaluated by a psychologist, Occupational therapist, audiologist, etc.
In our situation, the doctor told us that if the autism spectrum started at #3, my son was a 2.9.
He continued speech therapy but never could get an actual IEP to help us through the school years.
At any rate, my advice to you is, while it IS early and extended crying can certainly be a sign of anything from inadequate discipline to something diagnosable, you should pursue this with maybe another doctor. Consider getting a second opinion, or maybe just ask your doc to go ahead and refer you to a psychologist who works with preschoolers.
It sounds like you have tried many of the usual methods to resolve it and may need other options.
I have a 2 1/2 year old (not 1st child, have older children) and she is very strong willed, to the point where the moment she does not get her way she goes into a complete inconsolable meltdown that lasts anywhere from 5 minutes to 30 minutes of just screaming, back arching, etc. I have never experienced this type of behavior with any of my other kids, or nieces and nephews so I am completely at a loss. I have always maintained consistency with my kids, and treat her no differently where no means no and boundaries are appropriately set.
An example of her meltdowns is say we are at the supermarket. When it is time to leave, and she doesn't want to leave a scene is made as I described above. I have tried everything. Time out doesn't work, calming techniques don't work, yelling doesn't work, she just has to work through it herself where she eventually exhausts herself from screaming...that is the only thing that stops the meltdowns. Since she was old enough to scream she has been this way and I am getting exhausted myself.
Now for the 2nd part. There is what I believe to be a similar issue with another member of the family. A close adult relative (in her 60's) who exhibits similar traits where if she doesn't get her way she completely throws a tantrum, and causes all sorts of family related issues. This family member has been hospitalized for anxiety attacks, and there is diagnosed bi-polar disorder on that side of the family as well. I am concerned that what if this is not just terrible 2's, how would I know? I see parallels with my daughters temperament and this adult family member. I spoke with the pediatrician about this on the last visit and she said it is too early to tell, but she did say that these traits can be inherited. Yikes...can anyone offer any advice or input? Has anyone had a strong willed child like mentioned above?
How is her language development? Is it possible that she is frustrated because she cannot express herself verbally?
My son began this at around that age. The Dr. told me he was "testing the limits", normal at that age. He said to: Remain VERY calm. Take him calmly and slowly to his room and say "when you are feeling better you can come out". Then leave and say nothing more. Repeat until he calms down.
This is of course more difficult in a store, but I did have to carry him out of a store once, leaving paid for groceries which I went back for later.
The point is, they are hoping for a reaction, any reaction, so they can rebel against it. Soothing, yelling, spanking, all of it encourages the behavior. Kind of strange, but this worked VERY well and only took a few times, thank goodness! He learned he would not get attention for this behavior.
Welcome to the World. After Mama and Dada, the first things kids will say is "no" and "mine" followed by tantrums if not appeased. No one has to teach their children to be bad. Try to teach them to be good while you still have a chance.
It IS too early to tell, but it's NOT too early to try and get some help. Call Early Intervention and get a free eval. See if you can find an ABA or OT therapist that can work with her a bit. Get the ball rolling. Extra help if she's normal will not hurt, but if it turns out she has some issues, the earlier you start the better. Starting therapy at 2 for a condition you can only diagnose at 4 or 5 sometimes makes a HUGE difference in how these kids do later.
My son began this at around that age. The Dr. told me he was "testing the limits", normal at that age. He said to: Remain VERY calm. Take him calmly and slowly to his room and say "when you are feeling better you can come out". Then leave and say nothing more. Repeat until he calms down.
This is of course more difficult in a store, but I did have to carry him out of a store once, leaving paid for groceries which I went back for later.
The point is, they are hoping for a reaction, any reaction, so they can rebel against it. Soothing, yelling, spanking, all of it encourages the behavior. Kind of strange, but this worked VERY well and only took a few times, thank goodness! He learned he would not get attention for this behavior.
For some children, this works very well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbab5
It IS too early to tell, but it's NOT too early to try and get some help. Call Early Intervention and get a free eval. See if you can find an ABA or OT therapist that can work with her a bit. Get the ball rolling. Extra help if she's normal will not hurt, but if it turns out she has some issues, the earlier you start the better. Starting therapy at 2 for a condition you can only diagnose at 4 or 5 sometimes makes a HUGE difference in how these kids do later.
If you have concerns get an evaluation. Sometimes, a year or two worth of intervention as a young preschooler can prevent many, many years of intervention as a school age child, or greatly decrease the amount of interventions needed with an older child.
Get an evaluation if you like but I will tell you that my daughter at that age was the queen of the temper tantrum. The queen. Transitions, the wrong thing for dinner, the indignity of clothing or even the wrong look would send her into screaming fits for an hour at a time.
She's about to start middle school and is the most sedate, easy going kid you'll ever meet, I haven't seen her really get upset in years. The tantrums lasted about a year and became less and less frequent until they disappeared by 4. 2.5-3 was the very worst of it.
My advice is to structure her life so it's pretty predictable, give 5 min warnings before leaving places, and just wait for her to grow up a little. Our daughter wanted to be in charge of everything (she talked early so not an issue) and we used "it's not a choice" a lot to let her know when something wasn't up for debate. But really just waiting her out worked best.
I have a 2 1/2 year old (not 1st child, have older children) and she is very strong willed, to the point where the moment she does not get her way she goes into a complete inconsolable meltdown that lasts anywhere from 5 minutes to 30 minutes of just screaming, back arching, etc. I have never experienced this type of behavior with any of my other kids, or nieces and nephews so I am completely at a loss. I have always maintained consistency with my kids, and treat her no differently where no means no and boundaries are appropriately set.
An example of her meltdowns is say we are at the supermarket. When it is time to leave, and she doesn't want to leave a scene is made as I described above. I have tried everything. Time out doesn't work, calming techniques don't work, yelling doesn't work, she just has to work through it herself where she eventually exhausts herself from screaming...that is the only thing that stops the meltdowns. Since she was old enough to scream she has been this way and I am getting exhausted myself.
Now for the 2nd part. There is what I believe to be a similar issue with another member of the family. A close adult relative (in her 60's) who exhibits similar traits where if she doesn't get her way she completely throws a tantrum, and causes all sorts of family related issues. This family member has been hospitalized for anxiety attacks, and there is diagnosed bi-polar disorder on that side of the family as well. I am concerned that what if this is not just terrible 2's, how would I know? I see parallels with my daughters temperament and this adult family member. I spoke with the pediatrician about this on the last visit and she said it is too early to tell, but she did say that these traits can be inherited. Yikes...can anyone offer any advice or input? Has anyone had a strong willed child like mentioned above?
I had a two year old who did this. She would do it at the playground. I told her if she acted like that we would not come back and she did and we didnt. Watch for triggers and make sure they are not getting a high sugar or high carb diet. Plenty of nap time and playtime. Maybe 1 hour of tv max. Our kids are fine now.
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