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Its a horrible situation OP but it could be worse.
I have a friend whos ex was nothing but a psycho (as it turned out) and they are all grown now and heartily relieved they never had anything much to do with him.
My own kids dad is TOO involved and I also would've had a much easier time of it had he vanished.
Hard for the kids, good for me.
To this day my friends grown kids send her Fathers Day cards. Both successful, fully employed, professional adults BECAUSE she left their father, not because she encouraged contact. If she hadve one or both would likely have followed him down the drunk/drug path he took.
Court order says dad is to pick up the children.....so what's the question? Sounds like he's a loser who doesn't care. Move on with your life. You don't have to drive the children to him all the time. If he truly wanted to spend time with them, he would walk through a blizzard to see them! He can't be bothered to answer the phone, so why worry about him? Take care of the kids. They are what's important. Don't bad mouth dad EVER. Even if you think they can't hear, they CAN. Ask how I know.
Is your ex able to get to work? To sporting events? To meet his buddies at a bar? Out on dates with his GF? To the mall, grocery store, pharmacy, etc?
Then he should be able to manage to pick up his children per the divorce decree.
Don't enable him. Let him be their father ---- if he wants to do that.
Its a horrible situation OP but it could be worse.
I have a friend whos ex was nothing but a psycho (as it turned out) and they are all grown now and heartily relieved they never had anything much to do with him.
My own kids dad is TOO involved and I also would've had a much easier time of it had he vanished.
Hard for the kids, good for me.
To this day my friends grown kids send her Fathers Day cards. Both successful, fully employed, professional adults BECAUSE she left their father, not because she encouraged contact. If she hadve one or both would likely have followed him down the drunk/drug path he took.
Wasn't out of spite - was over lack of communication and the fact that it came out the blue. My kids haven't been over their fathers house for two plus months, and the day he wants to take them he has his gf send me a text :/
You are absolutely in the right. Girlfriends/boyfriends DO NOT have any place in negotiating issues with children, ever.
If dad gave a sh-t he would call/text/email himself rather than use his girlfriend as a pawn. Also, any grown adult man who refuses to buy or even borrow a car so he can see his kids clearly isn't dealing with adult life (excluding cities where not having a car is common and public transportation/cabs are widely available). I have been in the exact same situation, OP, and you are doing the right thing.
However, document, document, document so that if he gets the bright idea to take you to court you can show that he hasn't been doing anything he is supposed to do.
After four years of transporting my kids to and from (sometimes multiple times a day) their father house every weekend, i stopped because it was emotionallu, physically and financially taxing on me.
Here is your problem. For four years you did all the transporting? You taught him to take advantage and now you are paying the price. I wouldn't expect him to man up at this point.
Sad for the kids. Hopefully you and he will do what is best for them.
I appreciate your comment and no I'm not looking for any type of credit. What I am looking for his him to be a father and not a baby sitter. To meet me half (quarter?)way in the upbringing of our children
I dont mind taking them to him, but i will never go back to driving between him and their activities all weekend long.
How about you do it once a month? How about you sit down and hash out a plan with the new girlfriend? Maybe she will help your kids have a relationship with their father?
This isnt for him or her. This is something for your kids. Abandonment is a huge deal to kids. I hear about it all the time in my classroom. (I teach K-2nd) those kids act fine most of the time, but they are hurting inside.
One of my friends had the sweetest and most well behaved daughter. Very similar situation to yours. The daughter became prematurely sexually active with many boys and older boys in jr. High. She is always looking for male approval. I'm not saying this will happen to your kids, but I would be concerned. So, if you can't foster the relationship with the dad, at least consider counseling sessions.
How about you do it once a month? How about you sit down and hash out a plan with the new girlfriend? Maybe she will help your kids have a relationship witdeal to kids. I hear about it all the time in my classroom. (I teach K-2nd) those kids act fine most of the time, but they are hurting inside.
One of my friends had the sweetest and most well behaved daughter. Very similar situation to yours. The daughter became prematurely sexually active with many boys and older boys in jr. High. She is always looking for male approval. I'm not saying this will happen to your kids, but I would be concerned. So, if you can't foster the relationship with the dad, at least consider counseling sessions.
Thanks. I am all for mediation. But he refuses. He thinks everything is fine. I have wrote letters asking for his input and his response is always things are fine the way they are.
Other than counseling, what are you suggesting i do? Communicate with the girlfriend?
How about you do it once a month? How about you sit down and hash out a plan with the new girlfriend? Maybe she will help your kids have a relationship with their father?
This isnt for him or her. This is something for your kids. Abandonment is a huge deal to kids. I hear about it all the time in my classroom. (I teach K-2nd) those kids act fine most of the time, but they are hurting inside.
One of my friends had the sweetest and most well behaved daughter. Very similar situation to yours. The daughter became prematurely sexually active with many boys and older boys in jr. High. She is always looking for male approval. I'm not saying this will happen to your kids, but I would be concerned. So, if you can't foster the relationship with the dad, at least consider counseling sessions.
The bolded is the only thing I don't agree with. There is no way to know what consistency of GFs coming and going will be like. The point is a relationship with their FATHER. And at the end of the day, if the father is not stepping up, the kids are just going to see a circular door of varying degrees of caring GFs.
The bolded is the only thing I don't agree with. There is no way to know what consistency of GFs coming and going will be like. The point is a relationship with their FATHER. And at the end of the day, if the father is not stepping up, the kids are just going to see a circular door of varying degrees of caring GFs.
This girlfriend may not last, but it might be a way to get the relationship reestablished between the dad and kids. Once that happens and they have a routine, it may be easier to keep up for the OP.
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