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For this very reason, I did not object when my ex purchased cell phones for our kids.
They could contact him directly and work out details themselves.
I didn't need to have any part of it, at all. Kids are quite clear about who they want to see, when.
FWIW they never once requested to see him outside our (privately agreed) visitation times, nor used the cells to call him for any other reason.
They obviously felt no need to.
Well you know, for the most part my kids will always choose to stay with me versus their dad. But of course I'd say no its daddy's weekend let's go. Nonetheless, they enjoy the time the spend with him when they do go.
I do not believe my case to be a matter of brainwashing my kids.
Neither does any other custodial parent. It's not intentional brainwashing and the custodial parent is not aware that it's happening. It's a natural result of spending a lot more time with one parent than with the other, when the two parents are divorced.
Trust me OP, you have the WRONG attitude. If you care about your kids (and that means enabling their close relationship with their father) you need to bend a little. Your unresolved feelings for your ex (good and bad) are getting in the way of the harmony that blended families absolute require. It's ok, just realize that and put them aside.
So what if he doesn't bend as much as you do? You have to let go of that mentality. Do what is best for the kids and don't worry about what he does. Hardest part. Get to know the girlfriend and try to appreciate what positives she can bring to the situation, away from the context of your husband.
Op- you can be right and your kids miss out on their dad, or you can give your kids the gift of a relationship with their dad.
You are 100% right. He is unreasonable and probably a deadbeat. However, your kids still love him because he is their dad. You chose to have kids with him.
I would accept that he is selfish and a deadbeat. You aren't going to change him and he's not going to do things your way.
Now what? Your kids need a relationship with him. They will see all that you do. When they are older they will appreciate it. If you can help keep the relationship alive, it's worth it for their well being. Point out all the wonderful things you do in a nice way, if you want extra "credit". Don't run down their dad in front of them.
I know it's unfair and awful for you. Some people are just selfish jerks. However, this is a gift you are giving your kids. They will figure out on their own what a selfish jerk their dad is eventually, but kids still love their dads even if they are awful.
I agree. You have to stop expecting him or pushing him into being the kind of father YOU need him to be. He never will be. And it is between him and his sons, and in the absence of abuse or illegal behaviour, you need to let that happen. It changes too. My ex became a MUCH better father when my girls were older teens. He was pretty absent from puberty until then. He will be an even better dad of young adults. That's just how he is.
You'll be amazed how fast and pleasantly the time passes when you do what you can to keep life's drama to a minimum, even though it sometimes takes a lot of uncomfy selflessness
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I would tell the kids that, their dad loves them, but you cannot continue to do all the driving, so unless he finds a way to come get them, they will just need to go longer between visits.
If he truly wants to keep the connection, it is up to him to do it.
I would tell the kids that, their dad loves them, but you cannot continue to do all the driving, so unless he finds a way to come get them, they will just need to go longer between visits.
If he truly wants to keep the connection, it is up to him to do it.
I agree with this. Why should the OP keep driving 40 minutes each way to make his life easier? Time for him to man up. I wonder if he's paying support?
Neither does any other custodial parent. It's not intentional brainwashing and the custodial parent is not aware that it's happening. It's a natural result of spending a lot more time with one parent than with the other, when the two parents are divorced.
Oh I understand
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