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Old 01-29-2008, 04:42 PM
 
65 posts, read 237,490 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inthesierras View Post
I am a stay at home mom. Compared to my parents and my hubby's parents, he certianly helps much more compared to what our dads did. My hubby works nights and in the summer time he works alot of overtime. I end up doing the majority of the work at home, but he does help. He helps vacuum, dust, run the kids here and there, goes shopping with me, etc. He isn't a good cook, but he 'cooks' dinner once a week by ordering take out, lol. I pile his clean clothes on his side of the bed so he will take care of them, lol. He takes care of the traditional guy things, yard work, car maintence, etc. I do help a little outside, but its mostly to make sure he doesn't mow down my flower beds. It works for us. Whenever I feel overloaded, he will help out. Now that our kids are getting older, they have set jobs so it makes things easier too.
LOL Inthesierras, "mow down your flower beds!" This is another issue with the whole division of labor thing. Some things men are just not that clued in about. My husband decided he would wash our bed linen last week. He washed my son's best Pottery Barn quilt on hot with clorox bleach...yikes. Maybe he did it on purpose knowing he'd be permanently excused from laundry duty.
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Old 01-29-2008, 09:19 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,213,264 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
I'm like that too. But he doesn't really like to cook, so this is the one area where he likes a traditional role maintained, but I don't mine. My husband is wonderful though, and is not the stereotypical man/child who needs his hand held through the parenting world. He is very hands on, will do laundry without being asked, will clean the bathroom with no prompting, does the dishes most of the time after dinner. He's great. He gets our daughter's breakfast every morning. I made her cream of wheat this morning and he was like, "This is why you don't do breakfast. She doesn't like cream of wheat-never has." I like that, b/c some fathers don't even know that their kids eat breakfast. LOL. Just don't ask him if he's "babysitting" our daughter...that irritates him to no end. He's not perfect by any means. LOL. He does not have a very high multitasking ability. LOL. If I go out and he's home with our daughter, he's not very good at getting chores done. The multi-tasking aspect of the parent/housework definately falls on my shoulders, as does the schedule keeping, and knowing where all things are at all times. LOL. That's ok. I'd rather him dote on our daughter than vaccuum anyday.

Oh-and we both work full time. If I stayed home all day, I would expect to have more of the household responsiblities, but I know he would still do a fair share when he was home.
Like a pp said, it depends on the relationship and the guy. I'm lucky and have a good one of both.
I'll agree here because my hubby is the same way. With our first born, I felt a lot of pressure when I was the only one able to feed her (nursing) but once I got the hang of pumping, no problem, he couldn't wait to feed her. Now, I do stay home w/the kids and he still helps because I am busy w/doing their activities, homework, etc. But I also mow the lawn so he doesn't have to do that. When we are all home together come Friday night, I don't want him to lose out on time w/our kids because he has to mow the lawn. I guess it is all balanced now.
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Old 01-30-2008, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 935,455 times
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I think it depends on the couple.

During the week, I definitely do the most around the house, but on the weekends I do the bare minimum! lol HUbby usually cooks dinner ( or more often picks up take out! although he is a former chef and awesome cook!) and cleans up.

We go to walmart together on saturday mornings- he takes our daughter and gets all the 'big stuff'- pet foods, water, sodas, laundry detergents, and whatever snacks he wants, and I take the baby and do the baby stuff, groceries, whatever.

He checks out before im done, puts it in the car, and comes back to help me finish up.
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Old 01-30-2008, 12:42 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,347,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by therewego View Post
But I also mow the lawn so he doesn't have to do that.

I'm not allowed to mow the lawn. LOL. I've offered, but God forbid he show me how to use the lawn tractor and he be deprived of his Forrest Gump moment. LOL. I'm not complaining though. I think it's funny how he doesn't want me encroaching on his yard like I want him out of my kitchen.
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Old 02-02-2008, 12:44 PM
 
12,510 posts, read 13,124,841 times
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Yes. Absolutely.
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Old 02-02-2008, 12:46 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,496,636 times
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motherhood > PC?
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Old 02-02-2008, 01:44 PM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,832,038 times
Reputation: 5139
My husband works two jobs, one as a postdoc, which doesn't pay squat, so he teaches microbiology at the local college three times a week at night. So, I get the majority of the housework and the parenting work. Luckily, we're in a condo so there is no yard. I don't know what is going to happen when we move next year...
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Old 02-03-2008, 06:51 AM
 
2,015 posts, read 4,553,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I_wonder View Post
Is it true that once a woman become a mother since the child birth, she has more tasks/roles to play in the parenting journey?
Through your experience, is it that you have to be the one who are multitasking on everything to run the household + caring the child, the husband is just few steps behind couldn't follow your growing/capable pace?
How about those who work full-time, have you been the one who takes care of everything in the household, plus making the decision how to raise the children, decide what best for them?
Is the husband normally just follow what you ordered him to do (passive), or he won't initiate any help? Or we as a woman actually has to train our man how to be a man/husband/father?
What's your experience and advice on this.
I am quite confusing on all these.
Tough questions. In general, I think that women were born to multi-task and that they are capable of doing so with efficiency and effectiveness. As far as men/husbands/SO helping out, I think many do and are good at it. I do think that some men have to be trained on how to do it and would do it better if shown how. I don't think that all women are automatically great housekeepers, great cooks, great this or that until shown how or had to learn on their own. Some women and men grow up without knowing how to do much of anything because everything was done for them at home. To make things more complicated, there are some men who won't do things because they don't believe that its a "man's job". If one marries a man like that, then they chose poorly or maybe this sort of thing is fine with them. It's very hard undoing a lifetime of ingrained beliefs. Of course, there are some women that are all too happy to do "women's work" only and believe in the separatness of roles. I think that for many people, gender roles were taught at an early age either through observing their own family or religion.

In our own marriage (25+ years and large family), my husband and I have always worked together and did whatever we had to do to maintain our household and raise our kids. He can do everything that I can, and has. There have been times that I just didn't feel good or was worn out. He filled in. There were times that he'd come home from work after working a 12 hour day and did the dishes, mopped the floor, did laundry, and whatever else needed to be done. He still does those things as our youngest is 6. He has always been a wonderful dad, playing with them, bathing them, changing diapers, feeding them. Couldn't ask for a better husband or father.

In reality, we all learn as we go through life. I don't understand people who believe in "man's work" and "women's work", but I know that there are many who are in alignment with those sorts of beliefs. I think it would be very hard to live like that because life is not all black and white. That's just me. Whatever works for each family is fine, I guess.
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Old 02-03-2008, 06:48 PM
 
440 posts, read 237,015 times
Reputation: 117
I'm the odd ball out. I was a single parent because otherwise I would have been raising two children. That being said, I worked full time, dropped off and picked up my son from daycare, mother, father, confidant, cleaned the house once a week, mowed the lawn, shoveled the snow, raked the leaves, did the laundry (I taught my son how to wash his own clothes when he turned 8) parent teacher conferences, attended extra curriculum whenever possible, grocery shopped, cooked at least 4 times a week, balance the checkbook, paid all the bills (no child support or family support), endured miscellaneous hardships. How did I do it? The grace of God. My son is now a freshman in college and I'm sure I'll be exhausted till the day I die.
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Old 02-04-2008, 08:17 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,347,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Preaching2thechoir View Post
I'm the odd ball out. I was a single parent because otherwise I would have been raising two children. That being said, I worked full time, dropped off and picked up my son from daycare, mother, father, confidant, cleaned the house once a week, mowed the lawn, shoveled the snow, raked the leaves, did the laundry (I taught my son how to wash his own clothes when he turned 8) parent teacher conferences, attended extra curriculum whenever possible, grocery shopped, cooked at least 4 times a week, balance the checkbook, paid all the bills (no child support or family support), endured miscellaneous hardships. How did I do it? The grace of God. My son is now a freshman in college and I'm sure I'll be exhausted till the day I die.

My aunt taught my boy cousins how to do laundry and my grandmother still thinks she will burn in hell for it. LOL. And did you know that boy scouts actually earn a badge for doing laundry-my nephew had to earn one. You're raising a good future husband there...good job mom!!
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