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Old 09-29-2015, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Ontario
723 posts, read 863,802 times
Reputation: 1733

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I'm 27, male. My girlfriend has a 3 year old daughter, and I somewhat dread having to interact with her. I have no 'game' when it comes to kids, I literally haven't had to interact with any of them since I was one of them myself. I feel really silly, I don't know what to say to her. My mind just goes blank, I just can't bring myself to act in 'that way', especially when I know an adult is listening. Every now and then girlfriend will put me on the spot by asking me, or encouraging her daughter to ask me, to sing her a song or make up a story or something, and I've got nothing. This isn't a new situation either, I've known them both for two years. It was alright at first when her daughter didn't talk much.

Girlfriend wants me to be a dad to her daughter and I'd somewhat like to do that but this hang-up is making me want to bail. She has just asked me to record a video for her daughter on my phone and send her it, I've made up some bull**** transparent excuse to avoid doing it and have no doubt made her angry at me. Am I stuck like this or can it be overcome?
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Old 09-29-2015, 08:31 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,579,270 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
I'm 27, male. My girlfriend has a 3 year old daughter, and I somewhat dread having to interact with her. I have no 'game' when it comes to kids, I literally haven't had to interact with any of them since I was one of them myself. I feel really silly, I don't know what to say to her. My mind just goes blank, I just can't bring myself to act in 'that way', especially when I know an adult is listening. Every now and then girlfriend will put me on the spot by asking me, or encouraging her daughter to ask me, to sing her a song or make up a story or something, and I've got nothing. This isn't a new situation either, I've known them both for two years. It was alright at first when her daughter didn't talk much.

Girlfriend wants me to be a dad to her daughter and I'd somewhat like to do that but this hang-up is making me want to bail. She has just asked me to record a video for her daughter on my phone and send her it, I've made up some bull**** transparent excuse to avoid doing it and have no doubt made her angry at me. Am I stuck like this or can it be overcome?
I am not a person who sings songs or makes up stories. I can read the heck out of a book, but I don't make up stories. Even so, all my kids know I love them.

You don't have to do that. The best thing you can do is be yourself. You can be caring and loving without having to act like a kid. Just talk to her and be with her. Let her guide your interactions. ASK her questions. Show her stuff. See what she says. But don't try to be something you're not.
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Old 09-29-2015, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
19,719 posts, read 16,701,357 times
Reputation: 41861
I like to think that I was a good Dad to my two Sons (who are now grown men) but I was not the song singing, story telling type myself........I left that to my Wife. Instead, I did "guy" things with my boys, fished, built stuff, etc.

Years later, my GF had 3 Grandkids and we got them some weekends, and we did fun stuff, rode bikes, went to amusement parks, movies, etc, but again, I let her do the Mom thing and I did the male stuff. Her one Grandchild was a little girl, and we got along great, but we talked and related on that level.

Just tell your GF that you feel more comfortable letting her do the things she is asking you to do and you will be the male role model and bond with her Daughter in a different way, but one that she needs if she is going to grow into a well rounded woman. She is assuming that those are the things her little girl is needing from you, but that is not necessarily true. Just be yourself, and in time you and she will form your own special relationship. Let her see how you love her Mom and how you treat her with respect and kindness, that is what she needs to see.

You have more to teach her about life than any story book can provide.

Don
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Old 09-30-2015, 07:27 AM
 
15,692 posts, read 20,198,574 times
Reputation: 20858
I'm definitely not that type of person, but I learned to adapt when I had a child and when I began dating a woman with a 2-year old.. My problem was I was too self-conscience to be silly. Eventually I just learned to let that go and just not give a damn who was watching or judging me. That was my issue.

While I may not be all goo-goo and gah-gah with other children, I am that way with our kids. With adults or other people, i'm still reserved and have my "GTF away from me" sort of attitude.

Keep trying. Your G/F and her daughter are a package deal and you need to establish a relationship with both. If you can't, then you need to let them find someone that will.
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Old 09-30-2015, 08:14 AM
 
4,963 posts, read 5,214,362 times
Reputation: 15711
Kids are adaptable. You don't have to be cutesy with them. Just talk to them about regular stuff using your regular voice. Do regular things with them If you need to run to the store. Ask the child if she would like to go. "Ok, let's get in the car." Talk to her about what you are seeing. Once in a while (more often at first), you might stop and get her a small treat or a toy. Or take a little out of the way trip to show her you think she might like. For one of my children, the slower way home was the most fun because we crossed the railroad track and would almost always be stopped by a train. Then we'd count the train cars and wave at the engineer and look for a caboose. For another child, it might be a stop at the pet store to look at the fish and the birds. Wal-Mart used to have fish, not sure if they still do, but it was always worth stopping and looking. My kids also liked to go for walks around the neighborhood. Point out items of interest. It might be pretty flowers or rocks or a bunny or an insect. Maybe someone has a fun lawn ornament or a pretty orange car. Ask what color car she would like when she grows up and note when you see cars of that color.

You can talk about whatever suits your interest or fancy, but whatever you do, just talk to her.
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Old 09-30-2015, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Ontario
723 posts, read 863,802 times
Reputation: 1733
OK, some helpful answers so far. I can do the stuff that's been suggested. I'm just gonna lay down the law and tell GF not to bother asking for the cringe stuff.
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Old 09-30-2015, 08:30 AM
 
Location: Rural Wisconsin
19,462 posts, read 9,010,114 times
Reputation: 37609
Good advice here, but if you truly do feel that you are not going to have a LTR with your girlfriend, you should end the relationship sooner instead of later for the sake of ALL of you.

(This, however, is not to be discouraging because with many guys, it takes a long time to establish a "natural" relationship with kids, even with their own biological offspring.)
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Old 09-30-2015, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,579,270 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
OK, some helpful answers so far. I can do the stuff that's been suggested. I'm just gonna lay down the law and tell GF not to bother asking for the cringe stuff.
"Lay down the law"???

It doesn't have to be so ... aggressive. Being with a child doesn't make you less of a man.

You can just tell her you don't feel comfortable playing and talking like a kid but you're happy to spend time with her daughter in a way that works for both of you.

If she's a reasonable person, she will understand that.
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Old 09-30-2015, 08:37 AM
 
4,253 posts, read 9,421,160 times
Reputation: 5140
Quote:
Girlfriend wants me to be a dad to her daughter
Honestly, it is terrible to force a person to do anything. But to be a parent, which comes with probably the biggest responsibility in life. You, yourself, have to have willingness, to start with. If you don't - you have to soul-search first, before committing.
Quote:
I'm just gonna lay down the law and tell GF not to bother asking for the cringe stuff.
You will break you own life, the life of your gf, and the little girl's life, with such attitude.
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Old 09-30-2015, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Leeds, UK
22,139 posts, read 29,458,691 times
Reputation: 8819
I feel the same way when I have to interact with young children - I'm 28. I don't really know how to talk to them, or interact with them. I can't have a proper discussion or conversation with them so I have to talk to them like I talk to my dog. It makes me feel silly, lol.

Kids older than about 8 or 9 are easier to talk to, and appear more like proper humans, capable of having a conversation that doesn't revolve around mindless toddler babble..
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