Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-01-2015, 01:51 PM
 
153 posts, read 305,236 times
Reputation: 96

Advertisements

Easy: if you want kids, have them. If you don't want kids, for the love of everything, do NOT have kids. Do not have kids because society expects you to. Or because it's just what you do next in life. Have them only if you want them.

I have far more respect for people who don't want kids and choose not to have them than people who don't want kids and have them because it's expected.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-01-2015, 01:56 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,103,864 times
Reputation: 62664
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTX3939 View Post
Have people lost their minds?
I mean having a kid is nice but i don't want them
People make it seem like its a damn requirement life

Why exactly does it matter what others think and why do you continue to discuss the topic if you do not want to?
You appear to be causing your own drama because you allow the topic to continue.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2015, 02:38 PM
 
1,955 posts, read 1,751,373 times
Reputation: 5179
The only people I could see as caring whether or not you have kids and calling you selfish over it are your spouse and your parents/in-laws/family.

Nobody else cares. Really they don't. If you think they do, you're wrong. If this isn't about your spouse or your family, then you're imagining things. Get over it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2015, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Washington state
6,988 posts, read 4,848,051 times
Reputation: 21822
Quote:
Originally Posted by almost3am View Post
I am not aware of society saying you need to have kids, I believe that is something you have internalized, probably based on you family members saying it.

Now, your Mom and Dad may want little people running around, as some people have created this ideal. They may have made a retirement vision in their mind of occasionally watching little grandchildren and that providing happiness as they get older....expanding families that they are a part of but not directly responsible day to day. I am not saying that is right, because it is not, but some people create that vision and then are disappointed if it doesn't happen. They may call you selfish due to disappointment in their vision not coming to reality.
I doubt the OP is internalizing. I heard the same thing and lots worse when I was younger. Forty years ago having kids was almost a necessity. I was told how selfish I was by not passing my genes on and by not fulfilling myself, and that I was not a "real" woman until I had a baby, along with the old standby "Who will take care of you when you're older?" (with all the money I'll save from not having kids, I'll hire a private nurse!). And then I had to put up with my (abusive) dad telling me I was stupid for getting my tubes tied. Did he really think any kids of mine were going to be allowed to have unsupervised visits with him?

To the OP, trust me, it could be a lot worse. Just turn your back and walk the other way. The people who have the biggest burr under their tail about you having kids are the ones who had them and regretted it. They've had theirs and they're just trying to make darn well sure you are going to share in their misery. Just ignore them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2015, 03:17 PM
 
22,350 posts, read 11,881,460 times
Reputation: 20194
Whether or not you have kids, is none of anyone else's business. It's very rude of people to tell you what to do. If someone in your family is not happy because you don't want to have kids, then they need to keep their opinions to themselves.

That said, if you don't have any parental instincts, then I commend you for recognizing this. Far too many people who don't have parental instincts go ahead and have kids anyway. We've all come across people like this. They are the ones that people talk about and say things like "They never should have had kids".

My husband and I chose to have one child. This was something that my mother did not like one bit. She even told me I was selfish for not wanting a second child. Finally, I asked her why she didn't just accept the fact that we were just having one child? Saying that put a stop to it. Given how my mother was, it surprised me that she actually stopped bringing up the topic. Maybe you can say something like that to those who give you a hard time. Also, let them know that the subject is no longer open for discussion. Period.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2015, 03:29 PM
 
Location: IL
2,987 posts, read 5,238,226 times
Reputation: 3111
Quote:
Originally Posted by rodentraiser View Post
I doubt the OP is internalizing. I heard the same thing and lots worse when I was younger. Forty years ago having kids was almost a necessity. I was told how selfish I was by not passing my genes on and by not fulfilling myself, and that I was not a "real" woman until I had a baby, along with the old standby "Who will take care of you when you're older?" (with all the money I'll save from not having kids, I'll hire a private nurse!). And then I had to put up with my (abusive) dad telling me I was stupid for getting my tubes tied. Did he really think any kids of mine were going to be allowed to have unsupervised visits with him?
Views have changed in the last 40 years. I believe you heard that 40 years ago...and good thing you weren't gay 40 years ago, that would have been worse. Our collective views on how to live our lives has changed over time. We are not there yet as a society, but have made progress, in my mind.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2015, 03:34 PM
 
1,615 posts, read 1,635,361 times
Reputation: 2714
Never did understand all the interest in when you will start a family. Always looked at it like misery loves company. Not everyone makes for a good parent.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2015, 03:50 PM
 
13,979 posts, read 25,889,429 times
Reputation: 39902
Quote:
Originally Posted by rodentraiser View Post
I doubt the OP is internalizing. I heard the same thing and lots worse when I was younger. Forty years ago having kids was almost a necessity. I was told how selfish I was by not passing my genes on and by not fulfilling myself, and that I was not a "real" woman until I had a baby, along with the old standby "Who will take care of you when you're older?" (with all the money I'll save from not having kids, I'll hire a private nurse!). And then I had to put up with my (abusive) dad telling me I was stupid for getting my tubes tied. Did he really think any kids of mine were going to be allowed to have unsupervised visits with him?

To the OP, trust me, it could be a lot worse. Just turn your back and walk the other way. The people who have the biggest burr under their tail about you having kids are the ones who had them and regretted it. They've had theirs and they're just trying to make darn well sure you are going to share in their misery. Just ignore them.
Who ARE these people? I was never asked, and I know for certain my sons haven't been asked either.

Are there certain cultures where it's consider ok to ask personal questions like this? Because I don't think it's an American thing, at all.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2015, 04:19 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 5,343,717 times
Reputation: 3980
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTX3939 View Post
Have people lost their minds?
I mean having a kid is nice but i dont want them
People make it seem like its a damn requirement life
Develop the habit of politely telling people to mind their own business about your life choices.
Personally, I greatly respect people who make that decision for themselves and don't cave in to pressure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2015, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Virginia
6,220 posts, read 3,587,875 times
Reputation: 8947
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTX3939 View Post
Have people lost their minds?
I mean having a kid is nice but i dont want them
People make it seem like its a damn requirement life
You'd be surprised at how many people think what someone else does or doesn't do in their own life is supposed to mean either approval or disapproval for their own choices. Ignore and keep moving.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:39 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top