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My 18 year old son, a freshman in college, a month into school let us know that he is joining a fraternity. My first reaction was OK but don't get involved with any crazy initiation antics. My wife is freaking out. The school he is attending has a strict anti-hazing policy. Should we be worried? Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated.
I wouldn't be worried about the hazing as much as the possible effect on his grades. Their are fraternities, and there are frats. Fraternities can have life long benefits and friendships, frats can have beer kegs and distractions from studies.
I told my three that if they wanted to pledge, they could do so as sophomores, but not freshmen. We would not pay dues, or beyond the normal housing costs to allow them to live in a frat house. Fortunately, none of them had any interest and it was a non-issue.
If your son is a good student, and the fraternity has a good reputation, then don't worry. I know too many kids that let the frat life completely overtake their educational goals, and it was an expensive lesson to learn.
I wouldn't worry too much if the frat has a good reputation. But it seems that it would be better if your son would take his freshman year to get used to making good grades so he can stay in the frat. I wonder if its too soon for him to join any frat. Most frat have GPA requirements (I think) so if him joining a frat takes too much time and your son isn't good with managing time, grades, and his social activities, then things may not work out well when it comes to his grades...which education is the major reason why he is into school.
Just ask your son do he think he is making this decision too soon. He just started college and he needs to get acclimated and transitioned to college life. You know your son and if he is a person who can multi-task and manage his responsibilities and activities, then it may work out.
I am not a fan of the Greek system at all (save for academic ones) and find the whole concept to be pretty off-putting. I was glad that my child felt similarly, and did not join. I would not have paid for it. You can refuse to pay for it, but in the end, it's his choice. I think the hazing is less of an issue than the culture of partying, and I would caution my kid not to let beer and girls take over his studies.
But ultimately, if you felt confident enough to send him away to college (which, clearly you did), then trust your kid to make the right choice.
He's a good kid, clearly into his studies but I think he's a little worried about how he fits in a large school in a big city. He's made some friends, has good social skills but misses his circle of friends from high school. My wife feels he doesn't need a fraternity to find a social outlet. I am not as concerned. My school was big on Greek life but I wasn't into it.
It's something you keep on ongoing conversation about....you don't freak out.
It's can be hard at times for parents to handle when a child goes off to college...believe me...I understand that....but the more she freaks out....the less he's going to trust and share.
he's 18 ,,, drinking and girls at the frat parties,,,,,,
this is what ive learned in my old age,,,,, the kids that had very strict smothering parents in high school,,,,,it backfires in college,,,the kid has no coping/life skills,,,, he goes nuts because he has freedom ,,,,,then gets behind on his grades..
with my son,,,,,i let him drink a bit before 18,,,so it wasn't such a mystery....I was lucky,,,this worked,,,he made good decisions, based not on peer pressure,,,but what he already knew
parents will always worry,,,my biggest worry,,,was to make sure he didn't drink and drive,,,or get in a car ,,,where the driver was drunk,,
plan ahead for a designated driver,,,or sleep over....
He's a good kid, clearly into his studies but I think he's a little worried about how he fits in a large school in a big city. He's made some friends, has good social skills but misses his circle of friends from high school. My wife feels he doesn't need a fraternity to find a social outlet. I am not as concerned. My school was big on Greek life but I wasn't into it.
This is why I think frats and sororities are stupid. They essentially try to recreate the high school clique experience in college. Only you have to pay, serve as a slave to your supposed "brothers" for a year and then disgrace and humiliate yourself as part of an initiation ritual.
And don't believe for a second there won't be hazing. Every school has anti-hazing policies but the frats haze anyway. Rest assured if your son pledges he will be locked in a car trunk with a bottle of liquor and/or forced to do the elephant walk or some other blatantly homosexual activity.
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