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Old 01-30-2008, 06:11 PM
 
3,750 posts, read 10,203,909 times
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Proud band geek here (proper term is band geek!). If he's fine with his social status, you should be fine with it too. He probably realizes that he's different than the other kids, and isn't interested in becoming like them. Being okay with yourself is a great accomplishment, sounds like he's well on his way to being a very self-possessed young man.
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Old 01-31-2008, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Happy in Utah
1,224 posts, read 2,940,778 times
Reputation: 901
Good for you being supportive of your son and sticking up for him. I was and still am shy at times the only reason it bothered me growing up was, it bothered my mom a bit (she was well meaning,in that she was the popular kid in school growing up. So she assuemed that is how you are happy) AS long as you let your son knaow he is fine the way he is then it will be okay. I agree with the other posters in finding some activities he might enjoy, so that he can make friends.
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Old 01-31-2008, 08:47 AM
 
2,222 posts, read 9,138,912 times
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As a mother of gifted children, your son sounds completely normal to me. Gifted children are very often socially immature, but can have mature, intelligent conversations with adults. They may not have interest in sports and appear "nerdy". They may feel misunderstood by their peers and therefore may not have a large circle of friends.

At your son's age, the school kept telling me my kids were problems and I needed to do something, like therapy. There wasn't anything wrong with the kids, it was they were bored and the school didn't know how to deal with it nor did they have enough to offer them. Even the gifted programs weren't enough. They were invited to attend college when they were pre-teen, but I declined. They were not socially mature enough.

Stop worrying so much. Give him all the love and support you can. I would work on his weight though so it doesn't affect his self esteem. Maybe the two of you can do this together or make it a family health project.

I think joining band is great. You want to expand his mind, keep it busy. Does he enjoy science, get him more involved in it. Whatever his particular interests, find ways to have him learn more about it, hands on. It takes parental effort to help him explore his world, but it's so worth it.

My kids are grown adults now. They have fabulous jobs, families, and a wide circle of friends. If I had listened to what everyone told me I should be doing with my kids, I may have had a different outcome.

Your son doesn't have a problem, he has a different viewpoint. (Are you looking at the glass as half-empty or half-full?) Just my two cents.
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Old 01-31-2008, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Dallas, NC
1,703 posts, read 3,452,143 times
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The one think I would do is talk to his teacher and make sure no one is picking on him or being mean. I know it's like pulling teeth to get my son to tell me what he does at school and who he plays with. As long as none of that is happening, I wouldn't worry too much. I have learned with my son that the things I, as an adult, worry about, he couldn't care less. Sounds like your son is just fine the way he is.
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Old 01-31-2008, 12:41 PM
 
52 posts, read 215,914 times
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Thanks again for all the comments. Our daughter was over this morning, she's 20 now and I was asking my son about chess and if he felt like that was something he would be interested in and he was all excited about it. She looks at me crazy (not in front of him) and says why are you encouraging him to do "those" things?? I just said would you rather he never do anything because you think the other things are not cool enough or whatever? Sometimes I think I have more criticism from family than other people.
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Old 01-31-2008, 12:48 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,341,822 times
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Oh good!! Chess is great. My nephew loves it and it is an activity that his brother's don't mind doing with him-even the 6 year old is learning. Now you'll have to learn how to play too
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Old 01-31-2008, 01:38 PM
 
12,408 posts, read 13,084,552 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Christy309 View Post
He is 11 years, very very smart. He plays by himself. He says he likes to use his imagination and no one else likes the same things he does.

I'm starting to get defensive. I tell them just because he isn't like them doesn't make something wrong with him. They're just used to popular athletic kids, but not everyone can be that.

I just want my son to be happy. And he says he is when I ask. And really he doesn't seem to mind that he doesn't play with the other kids. So sometimes I think if he doesn't mind why should I? He's just much more comfortable with adults.

You are already doing some of the best things for him, in my opinion: you are sticking up for him. You recognize he is smart and uses his imagination. You value and appreciate that not everyone is a stereotype.

I encourage you to read about how "odd" some of the great thinkers and achievers have been described when they were children, everyone from Albert Einstein, to Thomas Edison, to Bill Gates. Adults including teachers and parents told the parents they were stupid, misfits, would fail in life, had no social skills. Bill Gates' mom tried to get him to enroll in dance classes so he would "develop some social skills."

The best thing you can do is believe in your child, send him the constant message you love him and value him and he is wonderful just the way he is, surround him with those activities and outlets that he is enthused about, whether that is books, sicence kits, art supplies, or time to daydream. (That is how creative brilliance thrives, time and space to daydream.) And don't shame him or force him into activities that he doesn't want to do so he will "fit in."

Engage him in conversation, and LISTEN, which you already are doing, but continue. You will be amazed at what he shares of his inner worlds and his interests when you are open and accepting. And he will give you clues to his areas of enthusiasm.

I loved reading books to my kids, both when they were little, and as they got older, all the way into high school. Let him pick the books, if he enjoys sharing reading time with you, it is another way to understand him and encourage him.

Trust his inner wisdom to know his path, and allow him to flourish and blossom, by protecting him best you can from naysayers, and surrounding him with supportive appreciation. He is who he is and that is enough.
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Old 01-31-2008, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Cincinnati
21 posts, read 82,359 times
Reputation: 14
Try to find a sport he may like and get him involved. This will help him lose weight and gain some confidence. Also, it is an excellent way for him to socialize with other boys his age. I'm 26 and I've found that the people who tend to be most open and level headed usually have played sports when they were younger because they were forced to interact with others different from themselves.
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Old 01-31-2008, 06:13 PM
 
52 posts, read 215,914 times
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Up until last year we made him play baseball and he hated it. Last year after signing him up he cried one day saying how much he really didn't want to play. So I told my husband I was not going to force him. He didn't play but because he had signed up he was on the roster. The team had some players absent during the tournament and asked if my son would play so they wouldn't have to forfeit. We agreed. I don't know if it was because he had gotten glasses earlier in the year and could see the ball better, but he had a really great tournament. He hit the ball and everyone was telling him how good he did. Well (fingers crossed) he says he wants to play this year so we're signing him up. But I'm done forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do. I hope he does well for his own self esteem and has a good time. I really miss sports since my girls graduated.
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Old 01-31-2008, 06:44 PM
 
2,222 posts, read 9,138,912 times
Reputation: 3225
Yes. I agree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
You are already doing some of the best things for him, in my opinion: you are sticking up for him. You recognize he is smart and uses his imagination. You value and appreciate that not everyone is a stereotype.

I encourage you to read about how "odd" some of the great thinkers and achievers have been described when they were children, everyone from Albert Einstein, to Thomas Edison, to Bill Gates. Adults including teachers and parents told the parents they were stupid, misfits, would fail in life, had no social skills. Bill Gates' mom tried to get him to enroll in dance classes so he would "develop some social skills."

The best thing you can do is believe in your child, send him the constant message you love him and value him and he is wonderful just the way he is, surround him with those activities and outlets that he is enthused about, whether that is books, sicence kits, art supplies, or time to daydream. (That is how creative brilliance thrives, time and space to daydream.) And don't shame him or force him into activities that he doesn't want to do so he will "fit in."

Engage him in conversation, and LISTEN, which you already are doing, but continue. You will be amazed at what he shares of his inner worlds and his interests when you are open and accepting. And he will give you clues to his areas of enthusiasm.

I loved reading books to my kids, both when they were little, and as they got older, all the way into high school. Let him pick the books, if he enjoys sharing reading time with you, it is another way to understand him and encourage him.

Trust his inner wisdom to know his path, and allow him to flourish and blossom, by protecting him best you can from naysayers, and surrounding him with supportive appreciation. He is who he is and that is enough.
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