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Going to college does not necessarily mean you're smart today. Practically everyone can go to to college nowadays, the government in many cases will pay for it, and it's the bare minimum for living wage employment unless you take up a lucrative trade.
There are often threads here on gifted children, but what about the other way around? This doesn't seem to be discussed.
I have an uncle who is a successful business owner and very intellectually curious - reads a lot, has many different hobbies, loves technology (invested several hundred thousand in Apple ten years ago, made lots of money on it), and is well-rounded guy. His daughter is 20, just not so bright, and is way into the sorority scene and getting drunk all the time. Needless to say, he's disappointed by this daughter.
How do you handle a dumb child if you yourself are very bright?
Oh my God...his, adult, child is a separate person... what is this world coming to???
Going to college does not necessarily mean you're smart today. Practically everyone can go to to college nowadays, the government in many cases will pay for it, and it's the bare minimum for living wage employment unless you take up a lucrative trade.
I find shrewd small business owners a smart breed, so are mechanics and plumbers.
I find shrewd small business owners a smart breed, so are mechanics and plumbers.
Exactly. My wife built her own business from the ground up. She employs one person, herself, and makes a good living at it. I'm very proud of her. It's very hard to make a successful business, especially as a woman who started it in middle age. She's never gone to college, something she still regrets today. I have told her many times that not going to college doesn't mean she is less intelligent than anyone else. As a matter of fact, her ability to be a successful entrepreneur shows that she is intelligent in many ways. I'm a college graduate and have done the graduate school thing, but I earn far less than she. Educational attainment is not an indicator of anything but persistence.
There are often threads here on gifted children, but what about the other way around? This doesn't seem to be discussed.
I have an uncle who is a successful business owner and very intellectually curious - reads a lot, has many different hobbies, loves technology (invested several hundred thousand in Apple ten years ago, made lots of money on it), and is well-rounded guy. His daughter is 20, just not so bright, and is way into the sorority scene and getting drunk all the time. Needless to say, he's disappointed by this daughter.
How do you handle a dumb child if you yourself are very bright?
With all the love and care in the world. I don't have this situation with any of my kids, but that parent owes that kid everything he/she can give them. After all, that kid didn't ask to be here.
I have seen this situation though, here in the bay area. Overachieving parent tries to push their kid, with absolutely no attention to who their kid is, what their kid likes, and what type of person their kid is. The kid feels neglected, abused, unloved, and resentful because the idiotic parent doesn't take the time and attention to be a good parent. No kid should be made to feel like they are less of a person because the parent thinks their intellectual abilities don't measure up to the parent's expectations. Any parent who makes the kid feel badly because of this, is simply a bad parent, and should be arrested. It should be a crime to be so stupid.
In your uncle's case, he FAILED his daughter. He is her biggest problem. During her upbringing when she was younger, he made her feel less than adequate as a human being, and this has devastated her. Your uncle may be intellectually curious, well-rounded and well-off, but in my book, he's a total imbecile because he failed his daughter. He's the dullard and unfortunately his beautiful daughter suffered as a result.
Last edited by LexusNexus; 10-08-2015 at 03:02 PM..
There are often threads here on gifted children, but what about the other way around? This doesn't seem to be discussed.
I have an uncle who is a successful business owner and very intellectually curious - reads a lot, has many different hobbies, loves technology (invested several hundred thousand in Apple ten years ago, made lots of money on it), and is well-rounded guy. His daughter is 20, just not so bright, and is way into the sorority scene and getting drunk all the time. Needless to say, he's disappointed by this daughter.
How do you handle a dumb child if you yourself are very bright?
She's not stupid. She's spoiled and self-involved. Your uncle raised her, so in a way, he's responsible.
You never know, though. She could wise up and get her act together. It's not like getting drunk and joining a sorority is something a lot of people her age don't do.
If her parents have high IQs, she does, too. Just because someone like to focus on her appearance and getting drunk doesn't mean she's not bright.
So a gifted super smart dad raised a dullard? Someone who is in a pricey sorority and drinks?
Sounds like he's not such a great dad. Who is paying for the sorority? Where is she getting the money for drinking and all that goes along with partying?
Your black and white take on this situation is not mature and thoughtful at all. It's likely a very complex situation that a therapist would need to deal with.
To call the dad "gifted" and the girl "a dullard" is completely lacking in a deeper understanding of the dynamics involved.
Generally gifted means you have a measured IQ >130. And it is a function of nature, not nurture. Biologically, gifted siblings will usually have an IQ within 5 points of each other, and within 10 points of their parents. It is pretty common for parents to have similar IQs. Birds of a feather... And being gifted is something that is measuably the same from the day you are born til the day you die. You don't become gifted, you just are. One of my neighbors stated it appropriately when she said it is like having red hair. You either have it or you don't. You can test a person at 4 years old, 10 years old, 20 years old, or whatever. The IQ will be essentially the same, gifted or not. You can't study for an IQ test.
As I have spent a fair amount of time studying familial cognition. Something that I find incredibly interesting is that gifted families (parents and biological children are measurably gifted) seem to have a high incidence of having a Down's child in the mix as well. This is purely my observation of many gifted families in our community. And not all of the Down's sibs have been due the usual reasons of an older mom. There are other observations, some confirmed in journals, some just my observations. Gifted people tend to have more eye problems (nearsightedness and cataracts) and more immunological issues from cancer to arthritis. Gifted individuals also have a higher incidence of mental illness and emotional sensitivity. Some gifted people tend to be very empathic and some are just the opposite; they have no ability to read the feelings of others. My experience seems to be that they are at one end of the spectrum or the other, and the more gifted a person is the more profound these things seem to be. Again, some are observations and some can be found in peer reviewed journal studies.
Just because someone is gifted does not make the smart. Smart is buying Apple stock when no one else knew about it. Smart is knowing when to speak your mind and when to keep your mouth shut. Smart is knowing to change the oil on your car at regular intervals.
Gifted children and adults make the same mistakes as their non-gifted counterparts. College kids will still make the same mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes of gifted kids are more glaring because they tend to do things so "out of the box." They tend to be hard wired to think outside the box, so their mistakes often take place outside the box. Also, people tend to think that gifted people are high achievers. Gifted people have a perceived greater potential for achievement. But the reality is that gifted people have more options, more choices to make. And those greater number of choices to make actually leave mroe room for error or indecision. So it ends up that many gifted people actually end up in some sort of limbo, not being able to take advantage of the opportunities surrounding them. And many gifted people are incredibly insightful, knowing that they would prefer to be a taxi driver, not using a large amount of their intellect and energy, so they can pursue their passions in their free time. It's all about choices.
Sounds like the young lady mentioned is not a dullard, but just acting like a typical 20-something...gifted or not.
I don't know about coping, but the WORST thing you can do for a child is to let her/him know that you are disappointed in any way by something they cannot help, that is beyond his/her control (lack of intelligence, artistic talent, sports aptitude, etc.).
This, this, this. So. Much. This.
Another bad thing is when the child actually does excel in something, the last thing that you should say to them is, "Well of course, that's easy for anyone."
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