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Our 12 year old daughter is habitually late for everything. Many times it isn't much of an issue, if we are going someplace where we can be flexible. But she is always the last one out the door and often we are all in the car waiting for her.
I've talked to her often about managing her time better but nothing changes. She procrastinates doing everything until the last few minutes and then becomes frazzled and blames her sister (who did nothing) for her being late.
Our problem is her being late/rushing on school days. She has 30 minutes once breakfast is done to get dressed, and brush her teeth/hair. That's it. Why does that take 30 minutes plus the extra 10 minutes to actually do it?
I've tried thinking of ways to improve how this routine goes. The main problem as I see it is that she and her sister go back to their room after they have eaten and "play." They sound like they're having a very good time singing and joking. They close their door so I can't see everything they are NOT doing to get ready for school.
Should I make their room off limits until they are ready to leave the house? Have our tardy girl leave her clothes out the night before?
Last week I began starting the car and pulling out into the street. She has to lock the house, as she is the last one out. The feeling of pressure that her sister and I are outside is the only factor that makes her move.
We have the option of her becoming a morning bus rider, and of course she doesn't want to do that because she would have to stand by the stop sign probably in the dark each day. Oh my! How horrible, right?
My mom said I should leave without her one day and hope that changes her. I can't seem to bring myself to do that.
Our 12 year old daughter is habitually late for everything. Many times it isn't much of an issue, if we are going someplace where we can be flexible. But she is always the last one out the door and often we are all in the car waiting for her.
Stop doing that. Tell the family what time you are leaving. Leave at that time. If she is not there, tough. It's called consequences. It is how people learn.
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I've talked to her often about managing her time better but nothing changes. She procrastinates doing everything until the last few minutes and then becomes frazzled and blames her sister (who did nothing) for her being late.
Our problem is her being late/rushing on school days. She has 30 minutes once breakfast is done to get dressed, and brush her teeth/hair. That's it. Why does that take 30 minutes plus the extra 10 minutes to actually do it?
Because she can. Because there are no consequences. If she had to deal with the consequences of showing up to school late a few times, she'd learn.
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I've tried thinking of ways to improve how this routine goes.
Or get out of her routine. She's 12 not 3. Get her an alarm clock and let her have at it.
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The main problem as I see it is that she and her sister go back to their room after they have eaten and "play." They sound like they're having a very good time singing and joking. They close their door so I can't see everything they are NOT doing to get ready for school.
Should I make their room off limits until they are ready to leave the house? Have our tardy girl leave her clothes out the night before?
No. You should stay the heck out of it and let her be responsible for her own timeliness.
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Last week I began starting the car and pulling out into the street. She has to lock the house, as she is the last one out. The feeling of pressure that her sister and I are outside is the only factor that makes her move.
We have the option of her becoming a morning bus rider, and of course she doesn't want to do that because she would have to stand by the stop sign probably in the dark each day. Oh my! How horrible, right?
Right? Well if she doesn't want to do that, she damned well better be ready to go when you leave.
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My mom said I should leave without her one day and hope that changes her. I can't seem to bring myself to do that.
Do you have any ideas?
It make take her more than one day. Hand her the alarm clock. Tell her she is perfectly old enough to get herself ready. You leave at time x. When she calls your cell in a panic, tell her she had better haul her butt to the bus stop.
Since she does not want to take the bus, and you are providing a ride to school,
Tell her the Ride to school leave at X, at X get in car take her sister to school. Since she has probably already missed the bus, she will need to
1. Walk/Bike to School
2. She get a Un-Excused absent from school since she has no way of getting there,
3. You swing by after your drop off the sister, and take her and charger her for "Taxi" service
If she is late, can she walk to school? Ride the bus?
At 12 you should have to be dragging her along but I also have one who takes his sweet time and doesn't care if he is late for school. I put something he wants at the end. In his case, breakfast. He gets breakfast after he is ready for school. If he is running late, he can grab a bar for the car.
I don't really have the option of making him ride the bus or walk. No bus and too far. And his sister hates being late so that isn't fair to her if I let her be late. Plus he doesn't care if he is late for school. He prefers it. So the standard "let him have consequences" is really just consiquences for other family members. If he is really messing around and we are actually late, I ground him from electronics for the day. Not perfect or ideal, but it's the best I got.
Our children always got completely dressed, morning tooth brushing & hair combing completed, back pack, coat & boots ready to go, etc. before they ate breakfast or turned on the TV or got out a toy or whatever.
That way, the worse that would happen would be that they went to school hungry if they were running late and they would just have to wait until lunch time to eat. BTW. I don't recall them ever missing the bus in all of their years of school and each of our children rode a bus for 11 or 12 years (K or 4-K until a junior in HS).
Another thing that some parents did in my school was to drive the child to school in their pajamas if they were not ready by the time that they needed to leave. And, the parents had some "emergency clothes" in a bag for them to change into at school. Usually it only happened once (especially if the child was in 4th or 5th grade) and the child was never late again. I know that they also recommended that to parents at the MS.
If you do not decide to go with the "get dressed first method" at the bare minimum they must leave their bedroom door open so that you can see that they are actually getting ready for school and not just playing with toys or playing games.
PS. Even I get completely dressed and ready for work before I eat breakfast or do anything else, in that way if there is an emergency or a phone call or something delays me, I am not late to work.
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-07-2015 at 12:53 PM..
My kids must get dressed for school before coming down stairs. If they take too long, they don't get breakfast and have to grab a granola bar on the way to the bus stop. My kids are 4 & 7 and it works well. It should be easy for a 12 year old. (By the way, it's easier when clothes are picked out the night before so it doesn't take time to figure out what to wear.)
My 7 year old gets up at 6:35am. Gets clothes on, comes down, gets shoes on, eats cereal, goes up to brush her teeth, and out the door at 6:52am for a 6:55am bus. She doesn't have 30 minutes period, muchless 30 minutes AFTER she eats.
My 4 year old can't ride the bus so I have to take him to his school. He's up at 6:45am, gets dressed, comes down to eat, gets on shoes, and can play or watch tv until we leave at 7:20am. If he rather eat dry cereal in the car, sometimes he skips breakfast to play or watch a few minutes extra of tv.
You haven't set boundaries with your kids, and as above, make there be consequences. You could also set her clock/watch ahead 5 minutes without telling her so she'll get more on time. Biggest thing is to get them dressed before coming for breakfast.
Our 12 year old daughter is habitually late for everything. Many times it isn't much of an issue, if we are going someplace where we can be flexible. But she is always the last one out the door and often we are all in the car waiting for her.
I've talked to her often about managing her time better but nothing changes. She procrastinates doing everything until the last few minutes and then becomes frazzled and blames her sister (who did nothing) for her being late.
Our problem is her being late/rushing on school days. She has 30 minutes once breakfast is done to get dressed, and brush her teeth/hair. That's it. Why does that take 30 minutes plus the extra 10 minutes to actually do it?
I've tried thinking of ways to improve how this routine goes. The main problem as I see it is that she and her sister go back to their room after they have eaten and "play." They sound like they're having a very good time singing and joking. They close their door so I can't see everything they are NOT doing to get ready for school.
Should I make their room off limits until they are ready to leave the house? Have our tardy girl leave her clothes out the night before?
Last week I began starting the car and pulling out into the street. She has to lock the house, as she is the last one out. The feeling of pressure that her sister and I are outside is the only factor that makes her move.
We have the option of her becoming a morning bus rider, and of course she doesn't want to do that because she would have to stand by the stop sign probably in the dark each day. Oh my! How horrible, right?
My mom said I should leave without her one day and hope that changes her. I can't seem to bring myself to do that.
Do you have any ideas?
Correcting this behavior should have started 10 years ago.
Quit allowing her to be late and if she has to go somewhere in pajamas or has to stay home so be it.
My kids are 6 & 7 and they also get dressed, brush hair & teeth and put socks/shoes on before coming down to eat breakfast. If they ate breakfast first, they would never be at the bus stop in time.
If you have to make her shower at night and set her clothes out so first thing she does is get dressed and brushes hair in the morning before heading down to breakfast.
I've been thinking more about this and I can't think of even one friend, relative or co-worker of mine who allows their children to get dressed for school after they eat breakfast. Maybe there is some special reason that your family does it that way, such as eating with Dad before he leaves for work, but it is rather unusual (at least among people that I know).
PS. Of course, I don't what everybody does but discussions like this have come up in the employee lounge, during breaks, while having drinks after work or during book club or social events or during activities with extended family so I have a general idea of what most people I know do with their school age children.
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-07-2015 at 01:40 PM..
Reason: added PS.
I've been thinking more about this and I can't think of even one friend, relative or co-worker of mine who allows their children to get dressed for school after they eat breakfast. Maybe there is some special reason that your family does it that way, such as eating with Dad before he leaves for work, but it is rather unusual (at least among people that I know).
We do. It started when they were young and were messy eaters. I was tired of them getting their clothes dirty 5 min after putting them on. How do you know what order your friends, relatives, and coworkers kids get ready in?
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