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What can we(my wife and I) do while raising our kids to ensure that they don't grow up thinking that their entitled to certain treatment and "things" and/or become narcissistic adults? I have been noticing little mannerisms and behaviors in my seven year old daughter that are throwing up a red flag to me. Now I do realize that children live what they learn, so I can assume that any behavior she exhibits is learned from the parents. She gets very emotional if she doesn't get her way with certain things like what movie her and her siblings get to watch, what cereal she eats, if her brother and sister get to do something she doesn't (because she hasn't finished her homework yet) she feels as if she should get to do it only because they are doing it.
Now I also realize and understand that this is normal kid behavior, my question, ultimately, is how do we as parents deal with this behavior in a way that will not instill a sense of entitlement in the childs mind?
Another behavior that we have picked up on is that all of our kids, as kids usually do, think that the world revolves around them. We need tools and skills on how to properly deal with this behavior, so that over time the child learns to put others before themselves. We have the parenting with love and logic book and a few others. I'm mainly looking for suggestions from other parents.
All kids think the world revolves around them when they're little. As they get older, they'll develop a sense of compassion and empathy for others. Then that will disappear for a while during the teen years, except maybe toward other teens, and hopefully it will return as they grow into responsible, caring adults.
The way your daughter acts now is not the way she's going to behave for the rest of her life. She feels secure enough around you to be herself. She also sees other kids throwing tantrums and acting hysterical at school or other public places, and she wants to try out that behavior. Don't give in when she does that...explain one time why she can't have what she wants, and ignore the hysterics. When she sees that it doesn't get her anywhere, she'll get tired of it pretty soon.
Learning to put others before themselves is not always a healthy thing to teach. Teach them to share with others and to be considerate of our planet and other people, but don't teach them to just hand over anything they have to anyone who asks for it. Teach them to help others, but teach them to take time for themselves, and that they have the right to say no to unreasonable requests.
I can only tell you from my own experience what worked for us. My Sons are going to be 45 in a few weeks, and they have turned out to be men we are proud of, who respect others, who are extremely honest, and who work hard to support themselves. I have to give as much credit to my ex wife for that all happening, because she was a great Mom and taught them the things that only a Mom can.
Anyway, I was the kind of Father who let my Sons know every day that I loved them. Even today, when we hang up the phone or leave each other , we all say "I love you." They always knew I was there for them and would do anything I could for them. They were, and still are, my best friends.
Now, it would seem that having a relationship like that might tend to make a child feel entitled, and selfish, but not if done in the right way. We always gave our two Sons every benefit and gift we could afford, but they also knew that sometimes we could not afford something and they learned to roll with those times and accept it as part of life. They never whined or cried if we didn't give them something, and I would not have put up with that anyway.
I remember one time, when they were about 6, we were shopping in a store and they were off looking at things. They came running up to us and said "Dad, do we have any extra money this week?" and I told them "No, things are a little tight right now." They simply said, "Ok" and they went back to looking around, but they did not complain about not getting what they were wanting to buy.
Bottom line, we have to let our kids know there are rules and boundaries, and they are rewarded when they do the right things and punished when they do not. We always treated our Sons as adults and carried on conversations as if they were. We had some rough times financially in our early years, and they learned through that how to accept the ups and downs of life and not expect things to just come to them automatically. We would simply sit them down and say "Guys, here is what we are doing and why" end of discussion.
It isn't rocket science, it just takes lots of love and common sense, and not being afraid to put your foot down and mean it. Kids are smart, and will exploit any weakness, so you have to make sure you and your spouse are in total agreement when you say something to them. Otherwise, you lose their respect and all control.
What can we(my wife and I) do while raising our kids to ensure that they don't grow up thinking that their entitled to certain treatment and "things" and/or become narcissistic adults? I have been noticing little mannerisms and behaviors in my seven year old daughter that are throwing up a red flag to me. Now I do realize that children live what they learn, so I can assume that any behavior she exhibits is learned from the parents. She gets very emotional if she doesn't get her way with certain things like what movie her and her siblings get to watch, what cereal she eats, if her brother and sister get to do something she doesn't (because she hasn't finished her homework yet) she feels as if she should get to do it only because they are doing it.
Now I also realize and understand that this is normal kid behavior, my question, ultimately, is how do we as parents deal with this behavior in a way that will not instill a sense of entitlement in the childs mind?
Another behavior that we have picked up on is that all of our kids, as kids usually do, think that the world revolves around them. We need tools and skills on how to properly deal with this behavior, so that over time the child learns to put others before themselves. We have the parenting with love and logic book and a few others. I'm mainly looking for suggestions from other parents.
Most of that seems very normal behavior....but a bit of an over reaction in your worry about it.
If the family rule is that you finish your homework before other activities...then you stick to that rule. The fact that a child tries to get around it is normal...not cause for alarm. Be calm and consistent.
You teach kids to be caring by being caring....talking about the feelings of others and positive actions....show empathy....encourage it by suggesting positive actions to them. Not by decree or force.
Your daughter getting upset over not getting her way...talk to her about it. Many kids like that dislike any loss of control or feel they don't have any control over their lives. Is she the oldest? Does it really hurt to let her choose her cereal in the morning? Buy brands you approve of and let her learn to make a choice....it won't turn her into a entitled brat.
Without any real pathological behavior in your post...it sounds you are just borrowing trouble.
What can we(my wife and I) do while raising our kids to ensure that they don't grow up thinking that their entitled to certain treatment and "things" and/or become narcissistic adults? I have been noticing little mannerisms and behaviors in my seven year old daughter that are throwing up a red flag to me. Now I do realize that children live what they learn, so I can assume that any behavior she exhibits is learned from the parents. She gets very emotional if she doesn't get her way with certain things like what movie her and her siblings get to watch, what cereal she eats, if her brother and sister get to do something she doesn't (because she hasn't finished her homework yet) she feels as if she should get to do it only because they are doing it.
Now I also realize and understand that this is normal kid behavior, my question, ultimately, is how do we as parents deal with this behavior in a way that will not instill a sense of entitlement in the childs mind?
Another behavior that we have picked up on is that all of our kids, as kids usually do, think that the world revolves around them. We need tools and skills on how to properly deal with this behavior, so that over time the child learns to put others before themselves. We have the parenting with love and logic book and a few others. I'm mainly looking for suggestions from other parents.
Why shouldn't they feel entitled to certain treatment and things?
If she is the oldest sibling, she should decide what movie she watches.
Isn't there enough TV's in the house for each child to watch their own movie anyway?
Why can't she pick which cereal she eats? Why can't each child have their own cereal?
And why can't she just do her homework later? I doubt a 7-year old gets much homework that she cannot watch a movie.
And what is wrong with kids thinking the world revolves around them? Every kid should think that!
All kids think the world revolves around them when they're little. As they get older, they'll develop a sense of compassion and empathy for others. Then that will disappear for a while during the teen years, except maybe toward other teens, and hopefully it will return as they grow into responsible, caring adults.
The way your daughter acts now is not the way she's going to behave for the rest of her life. She feels secure enough around you to be herself. She also sees other kids throwing tantrums and acting hysterical at school or other public places, and she wants to try out that behavior. Don't give in when she does that...explain one time why she can't have what she wants, and ignore the hysterics. When she sees that it doesn't get her anywhere, she'll get tired of it pretty soon.
Learning to put others before themselves is not always a healthy thing to teach. Teach them to share with others and to be considerate of our planet and other people, but don't teach them to just hand over anything they have to anyone who asks for it. Teach them to help others, but teach them to take time for themselves, and that they have the right to say no to unreasonable requests.
Why shouldn't she be herself? You act as if she should grow out of it.
And what sorts of unreasonable requests do you want her to say no to?
I can only tell you from my own experience what worked for us. My Sons are going to be 45 in a few weeks, and they have turned out to be men we are proud of, who respect others, who are extremely honest, and who work hard to support themselves. I have to give as much credit to my ex wife for that all happening, because she was a great Mom and taught them the things that only a Mom can.
Anyway, I was the kind of Father who let my Sons know every day that I loved them. Even today, when we hang up the phone or leave each other , we all say "I love you." They always knew I was there for them and would do anything I could for them. They were, and still are, my best friends.
Now, it would seem that having a relationship like that might tend to make a child feel entitled, and selfish, but not if done in the right way. We always gave our two Sons every benefit and gift we could afford, but they also knew that sometimes we could not afford something and they learned to roll with those times and accept it as part of life. They never whined or cried if we didn't give them something, and I would not have put up with that anyway.
I remember one time, when they were about 6, we were shopping in a store and they were off looking at things. They came running up to us and said "Dad, do we have any extra money this week?" and I told them "No, things are a little tight right now." They simply said, "Ok" and they went back to looking around, but they did not complain about not getting what they were wanting to buy.
Bottom line, we have to let our kids know there are rules and boundaries, and they are rewarded when they do the right things and punished when they do not. We always treated our Sons as adults and carried on conversations as if they were. We had some rough times financially in our early years, and they learned through that how to accept the ups and downs of life and not expect things to just come to them automatically. We would simply sit them down and say "Guys, here is what we are doing and why" end of discussion.
It isn't rocket science, it just takes lots of love and common sense, and not being afraid to put your foot down and mean it. Kids are smart, and will exploit any weakness, so you have to make sure you and your spouse are in total agreement when you say something to them. Otherwise, you lose their respect and all control.
Don
If you just give them everything they want in the first place, then you won't lose their respect.
Our adult children have been compassionate individuals their entire lives. I think that it is in part because they saw how we, their parents, treated others. My husband and I did not "put on a show" of treating others with respect we just did it naturally. Whether it was related to my job as a special education teacher, or my husband giving warm socks, hats & mittens to the homeless people who visited the soup kitchen near his office, to donating items to charity, to any number of small things that we did they must have noticed and internalized them.
At age seven, she is still very young and it is very likely that she will grow and mature. I wouldn't be too worried about her wanting her own way or thinking that the world revolves around her at her age.
Why shouldn't they feel entitled to certain treatment and things?
If she is the oldest sibling, she should decide what movie she watches.
Isn't there enough TV's in the house for each child to watch their own movie anyway?
Why can't she pick which cereal she eats? Why can't each child have their own cereal?
And why can't she just do her homework later? I doubt a 7-year old gets much homework that she cannot watch a movie.
And what is wrong with kids thinking the world revolves around them? Every kid should think that!
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