U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 01-31-2008, 01:58 PM
 
Location: Tennessee/Michigan
27,994 posts, read 46,359,104 times
Reputation: 19398

Advertisements

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: __________________________________________________ ___________
__________________________________________________ ___________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________ __________________

__________________________________________________ __________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend __________________________________________________ _

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

__________________________________________________ ____________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

__________________________________________________ ____________

C: A woman's place is in the:

__________________________________________________ ____________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

__________________________________________________ ____________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

__________________________________________________ ____________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, AND RED HOT POKERS.


__________________________________________________ _______
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.

 
Old 01-31-2008, 01:59 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,341,822 times
Reputation: 848
I'm about to have our second daughter. It would be nice to think that my husband would let some poor boy even get to the application but I don't think that's going to happen. LOL.
 
Old 01-31-2008, 08:49 PM
 
Location: Seattle, WA
1,368 posts, read 5,878,441 times
Reputation: 534
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAMEGalen E DATE OF BIRTH 05/27/87
HEIGHT__6'__ WEIGHT___220___ IQ___100+_____ GPA____3.0____

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_None, but my step-brothers have large amounts

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? _X Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? XYes ___No
If No, explain: __________________________________________________ ___________
__________________________________________________ ___________________

Number of years they have been married ______Lots________________________

If less than your age, explain
_________________Divorce and remarriage to seperate partners._________________________________ __________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? XYes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? XYes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes XNo

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? XYes __No (Not a pickup)

E. A tattoo? __Yes xNo

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes xNo
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
But I'm filling it out electronically

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

___Anything more than 2 hours beyond the time specified by her father.
__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

__It means don't get caught touching your daughter. I think that's fairly obvious.__________________________________________ ______________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

Whats Abstinence? ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend __Heathens anonymous__________________________ _

How often you attend _____I dont keep track.___________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? __During business Hours__

mother? __After the bars close__

pastor? He's anonymous


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

_____my head._________________________ ____________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

__Pelvis.________________ ____________

C: A woman's place is in the:

_______Kitchen, laundry room, and bedroom.____________ ____________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

________My sexual history. (I have herpes)___________________ ____________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? Manage a company that provides custom corporate networking solutions. __________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

____Her breasts. _______________ ____________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, AND RED HOT POKERS.


______X___________________________________________ _ _______
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______Y________________________ ____________Z___________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

____(Anonymous)_________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.



Notice: This app is entirely sarcastic.
 
Old 01-31-2008, 09:09 PM
 
Location: St. Louis Metro East
515 posts, read 1,362,521 times
Reputation: 323
ROFL!!!! Radek, you sound like every guy I ever dated in high school!
 
Old 02-01-2008, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Moon Over Palmettos
5,975 posts, read 17,142,113 times
Reputation: 4989
My daughter just turned 13. My husband is working on a deposit system for when that boy starts asking her out for a date. When he comes pick her up, he pays him oh, say $100. If he's late in dropping her back home, he forfeits his $100. We're still working on the details of a sliding scale.
 
Old 02-01-2008, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,718 posts, read 59,579,994 times
Reputation: 26823
We require any boy who wants to date our daughter(s) to come and ask me first. My wife was not pleased when the only boy who has had the guts to ask came to our house and my first question was: "Burial or cremation?"

The boy actually thought it was funny. My wife would not allow me to talk to him anymore, so I had to sneak in when she was not paying attention to ask him the pertinent questions.
 
Old 02-02-2008, 10:33 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,191,291 times
Reputation: 4103
Versions of the original post have circulated for a long time. I don't find any of them particularly funny.
 
Old 02-03-2008, 11:05 AM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,812,151 times
Reputation: 5139
Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
Versions of the original post have circulated for a long time. I don't find any of them particularly funny.
Wow. And you just needed to get that off your chest, huh?
 
Old 02-09-2008, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,191,291 times
Reputation: 4103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Feebs View Post
Wow. And you just needed to get that off your chest, huh?
Yes. I have a right to give a post I don't like a thumbs-down, no?
 
Old 02-09-2008, 02:16 PM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,812,151 times
Reputation: 5139
Yeah, but sometimes, it's just best to keep it to yourself.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top