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I will be seeing my parents and relatives next week and I know they're going to make comments about me not calling / visiting enough. My mother has already started saying things via text so I know it's coming.
They are older and perfectly nice people and I love them but I have not felt like visiting (it's the longest I've gone without visiting actually) for several reasons even though I live fairly close. I really don't want to hear it and feel uncomfortable even though I know they're entitled to feel how they feel.
I wont' be able to just ignore it because they will say it more than once. So I want to have a few phrases or something so I don't overreact or react in a negative angry way or get defensive and then put a negative spin on the visit. Especially with the holidays coming.
You can also remind them that visiting goes both ways, especially if they live that close. Why can't they come over? Are they too lazy to make the drive?
I'm realizing it may be hard to give ways to deal with the bombardment without judging whether the fact that I am not visiting enough is right or wrong.
Deal with it, or visit more often. Somehow, I don't think "I don't feel like visiting with you" is going to be well received, even if it's the honest answer. There's always the old standby "I've been busy".
I'm realizing it may be hard to give ways to deal with the bombardment without judging whether the fact that I am not visiting enough is right or wrong.
If you can find it in your heart to do it, when they have begun the 'bombardment', say something like this:
"Please forgive me for disappointing you, it was not my intention to hurt you."
And the pleasantly go on speaking of other things. If they go back to the topic, say it Again. And Again, as long as they bring it up. Don't you bring it up again. And change the subject each time right after you've said it.
I'm guessing you'll be going through this exchange a few times, but hopefully sooner or later they will accept what you're saying.
You know, in every relationship in our lives, we inevitably fall short of the other person's expectations. It can be such a healing step to ask for forgiveness.
Just smile and say you have been very busy and you are glad to spend quality time with them. Stress the quality over quantity.
Say...I'm so glad we get to spend quality time together. It really makes me treasure the time we spend together, because we aren't in each other's pockets all the time.
Deal with it, or visit more often.
Somehow, I don't think "I don't feel like visiting with you" is going to be well received, even if it's the honest answer. There's always the old standby "I've been busy".
Can you say something specific, like "Since my job promotion I have had to work a lot more weekends" (or I have had many more responsibilities, more paperwork, whatever) or "Now that I am volunteering for Save the Whales (whatever) it is difficult to find time to do everything that I want to do" or "I'm taking a college class which takes up a lot of my free time" or something else that is the truth (even if you have to stretch it a little)?
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-05-2015 at 02:11 PM..
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Here's an idea.
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