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Old 02-05-2008, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Dallas, NC
1,703 posts, read 3,456,241 times
Reputation: 807

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Quote:
Originally Posted by KevK View Post
I have raised 5 children- 3 boys and 2 girls. And every one of them got a whuppin when it was needed. It was needed very little because once they got the belt or the paddle, they did not want another. And none of my kids were on drugs like Ritalin or in "counseling". Nor was I as a kid.
I have to take issue with you on this. My son is on Adderall for ADHD and he does actually need it! I'm proud of you that none of your kids needed it but refrain from such sweeping comments. There are actually children out there who need these things and it doesn't mean any of us are bad parents.

He also needs to spanked with a belt for lessons to sink in. We had an incident Sunday which I will not go into here and his dad spanked him. We had tried the talking to him twice before and obviously he didn't remember that it was wrong. Guess what? He knows now. He hates to be spanked and we hate doing it. He also lost him Xbox and PSP for a month. It was a major thing. He will know what he did was wrong and not repeat it. We don't beat him or spank him for everything but sometimes it is necessary. Time outs have NEVER worked on him. I wish they would take all these books off the market!
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Old 02-05-2008, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Burlington County NJ
1,969 posts, read 5,293,617 times
Reputation: 2657
I have 2 kids and they are like night and day! My daughter (14) was a little angel until she turned 3 - then when she turned 4 I liked her again (LOL). As she got older, I have to say, that the only thing I really have to deal with is her attitude (rolling eyes, sucking teeth, etc) and you know what - if thats the worst of it - I'll take it. Time out worked for her - spanking did not. Neither does yelling - but I'm a yeller (not that I'm proud of it).

My son is 5. If we had him first - we would have never had my daughter! He is rambunctious, fresh, wild, has a real mean streak, fresh, fresh, fresh - not interested in learning at all. He is a challenge. We know that time outs don't work. We don't want to spank - with my luck he'll go to school and tell them I hit him - we've tried making him feel guilty - he has no guilt - if I say something like "don't you feel terrible?" he says "no, I'm a happy boy". One time I took all of his toys out of his room, he had nothing. The idea was to earn them back little by little. He didn't care. Not at all! He didn't have toys for a month! Needless to say - we still don't know what works with him.

I do have one question though - are these experts the same people who invented the cloth covered high chair? (ummmmm Helloooooo??)
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Old 02-05-2008, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 4,067,174 times
Reputation: 905
Quote:
Originally Posted by nic529 View Post
I do have one question though - are these experts the same people who invented the cloth covered high chair? (ummmmm Helloooooo??)
LOL, I wonder all the time who thought cloth was a good idea for a high chair! I just had to run it through the washing machine again last night, because wouldn't you know, it's covered in food!
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Old 02-05-2008, 02:58 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,348,348 times
Reputation: 848
Default No training will do this

Children are amazing. They can see through walls to know you're on the phone or on the way to the bathroom by yourself. They have super-power hearing that can detect the change in your breathing that occurs when you wake up just to roll over to go back to sleep on the weekend and then and only then do they scream "MMMMOOOOOMMMMMM" to let you know they are awake and NOT rolling over to go back to sleep. No other creature in the world, other than that slimy little tubish water filled toy you used to play with that would keep falling out of your hands) has the ability to liquify every bone in their body so that an able bodied, full grown human, cannot hold them, make them sit, lay down, stand, etc. They use their jedi-like minds to know when you're thinking, "Please God just let me get out of this store without her screaming for the Cinderella doll by that register-please please please", and then look right at the doll then you with that Chucky doll look letting you know that they know what you're thinking. Until an expert develops a way to combat the skills and powers of these little people, NOTHING will prevent a tantrum....NOTHING!!!!
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Old 02-05-2008, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Brunswick, ME (Hometown: Newark, N.J.)
170 posts, read 430,614 times
Reputation: 110
There's nothing wrong with a spanking here and there, as long as you don't overdo it.
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Old 02-05-2008, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Burlington County NJ
1,969 posts, read 5,293,617 times
Reputation: 2657
Quote:
Originally Posted by sbd78 View Post
LOL, I wonder all the time who thought cloth was a good idea for a high chair! I just had to run it through the washing machine again last night, because wouldn't you know, it's covered in food!
I remember when I got pregnant with my son and I went to pick out all the baby stuff and looking at these items and thinking "Ummm - ever seen a baby sneeze peas?"
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Old 02-05-2008, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Chicago
2,467 posts, read 11,132,389 times
Reputation: 851
Quote:
Originally Posted by bibit612 View Post
I always believed that parenting is a "fly by the seat of your pants" thing. It's something you do based on your gut feel, experience and IMO (and experience) trial and error. It is not one size fits all. When I'm asked by usually new parents how to deal with certain issues, I predicate it by saying this is what worked best for us, and it might not work for you. And always, I say...you'll be fine. You have your child's best interests in mind. How could you go wrong with that? If one thing doesn't work, keep trying until you find one that does.
Again, this works for some people, but others aren't as resourceful as you all. Some try hitting their kids, that doesn't work, and literally have no other ideas. Others feel like they try everything and that doesn't help. Those are the situations that parents needs help (or when the parent is overwhelmed). Again, I don't think someone needs "parent training" to learn to prevent tantrums for a 2 or 3 years old, but it does help people who: 1) really have no other ideas what to do, 2) are really stressed out, 3) are at risk for abusing their kids. I did parent training with parents who had a really smart 8 year old who had HORRIBLE tantrums. This parent training was basically educating the parents that she was too old to be pulling this, get them to stop making excuses for her behavior (she was really smart and manipulative), have them come up with a behavior plan and implement it. She was fine after this, but her parents had no idea what to do. You have decide for yourself if this is something your child needs. If you are doing fine with your child, you don't need parent training. If you have no idea what to do or are at the end of your rope, it has been proved to help. People need to remember that just because they are doing a great job of raising their kids and have found what works for their children, not everyone is that resourceful.
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Old 02-06-2008, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,248 posts, read 20,627,770 times
Reputation: 3587
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessiegirl_98 View Post
As I mentioned, what works for your children doesn't work for everyone. Also, it sounds like your children had respect for you and your rules. Not everyone is able to enforce this or to find what works for their children so readily. I'm not in any way questioning your parenting, you just can't say that what works for you will work for all children....that's not true. The children who are in counseling have very severe issues that it seems that you are minimizing. If someone comes to me and says "hey my child is throwing a tantrum every once in awhile" I might share tips with them, but I'm not going to say they need "Ritalin" or "counseling." On the other hand, I work with some children who are getting expelled (and their parents don't know what to do), or have severe abuse histories, who self mutilate, etc....you can't argue they may need counseling. Again, I would never say EVERYONE needs counseling and that some children have behavior problems that their parents can deal with but some children have more severe problems and some parents just don't know what to do. Those are the children who can benefit from help.
You are talking about a child that is mentally ill. I agree with you in that case. But normal children should only need an occassional whuppin to behave right. Not Ritlan and all that stuff.
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Old 02-06-2008, 08:04 PM
 
Location: Chicago
2,467 posts, read 11,132,389 times
Reputation: 851
Quote:
Originally Posted by KevK View Post
You are talking about a child that is mentally ill. I agree with you in that case. But normal children should only need an occassional whuppin to behave right. Not Ritlan and all that stuff.
Not always. First, whuppins don't work for all (seriously, they do work for some though and as I mentioned, you need to see what works for your children). This isn't about "ritlan and all that stuff." It's about parent training. The 8 year old I just told you about wasn't mentally ill, she was manipulative, very smart, and knew how to get what she wanted. Her parents needed strategies for managing her. Again, some people can do this on their own which is great, but others really need help and I think it invalidates their need to say that they should be able to handle it themselves. It's a fact that these programs can help to prevent abuse/re-abuse, so those who NEED them should take advantage of that. Those who can handle things on their own should.
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Old 02-07-2008, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,774 posts, read 59,756,648 times
Reputation: 26937
Quote:
Originally Posted by FilthySailor View Post
There's nothing wrong with a spanking here and there, as long as you don't overdo it.
Now are you talking about children or for yourself? Just want to clarify. with a name like Filthy sailor, you never know.
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