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Old 02-10-2008, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,717 posts, read 59,563,864 times
Reputation: 26822

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Sorry, no. I do not allow my children to do a lot of things that other people may want them to do. You may want them to watch inappropriate movies at your house. the answer is "No.". You may want them to eat with you things that they are not allowed to eat, engage in conversations that we do not allow, address you as Mr. Dumbsh** or Mrs. Dirtbag. Sorry no. Likewise we do not alow our children to address adults informally. Not ever. I them being polite offends you, I am sorry, you will just have to be offended. the same is true of any of the other rules thatwe apply to our children. They apply all the time no matter what some other adult may want or encourage. You may not want them to say please and thank you - they will. Sorry. You may not like them holding a door open for you. That is unfortunate. They will act the way that we instruct them, not the way that some other adult asks them to.
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Old 02-11-2008, 12:15 PM
 
1,156 posts, read 3,228,927 times
Reputation: 485
I haven't read this whole thread, but here's what I've noticed...

When my children were babies I couldn't dream of being called by anything other than my first name by other people's children.

Once mine were in preschool, I thought "Ms. Firstname" sounded about right. (Hi Ms. Sally!)

Now that they are in grade school, it seems completely appropriate to be addressed by my last name. Mind you I kept my maiden name, so even though "Mrs." isn't technically correct, I accept whatever variations come my way. The effort and tone are appreciated.

I suppose children need to shed some of that preschool familiarity for a more respectful tone as they get older and more independent. Kind of seems to be how they address their teachers at different ages as well.
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Old 02-11-2008, 12:20 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,392,137 times
Reputation: 47449
you are diogenes -
take your lantern,
do not dispair, you are doing the right thing.
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Old 02-11-2008, 12:48 PM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,809,927 times
Reputation: 5139
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
I was raised to address everyone as Mr. and Mrs. unless instructed otherwise. However, how rude can you possibly be to instruct your child to call someone by a name they do not wish to be called?

I am 20 years old and so, to most young children, I'm just as much of an adult as mommy and daddy. However, I do not wish to be addressed as "Miss ___Lastname__". I have been corrected by parents of these children and told that the children would continue to address me by a name that I do not wish to be called. If the parents wanted their child to respect me, they would allow them to call me by the name I wished to be called. It is completely disrespectful and downright rude to continue calling someone a name they have stated they do not want to be called.

Please allow your children to respect ME by allowing them to call me what I want them to call me. Otherwise, the fault is on you, not me.
I'm sorry, and I know I'm going to get negative reps for this, but man, I gotta say:

what a crock!

You act as though kids are calling you something inappropriate, vulgar, or rude. They're calling you your NAME. You know, that thing on your license? Your credit cards?

When was the last time you corrected a sales clerk who thanked you and used your last name? They say, "Thank you for shopping with us, Ms. Smith. Have a great day." and you say, what? "Call me Sally." ???



What a big fuss over NOTHING. Really.
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Old 02-11-2008, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 931,803 times
Reputation: 326
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Feebs View Post
I'm sorry, and I know I'm going to get negative reps for this, but man, I gotta say:

what a crock!

You act as though kids are calling you something inappropriate, vulgar, or rude. They're calling you your NAME. You know, that thing on your license? Your credit cards?

When was the last time you corrected a sales clerk who thanked you and used your last name? They say, "Thank you for shopping with us, Ms. Smith. Have a great day." and you say, what? "Call me Sally." ???



What a big fuss over NOTHING. Really.
no neg reps for it, but its not the same thing. Totally different.
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Old 02-13-2008, 06:06 PM
 
269 posts, read 490,207 times
Reputation: 125
It's not a huge deal to me, but I get that it is to other parents, and I wouldn't undermine their wish to teach traditional good manners by calling me Mrs. Jones, even if most people call me "Cleopatra." And I do know people who are sticklers for that sort of thing.

Yeah, it definitely beats some of the ultra-casual "manners" of certain other teenagers and kids I know. Some of them can't even be bothered to look up when you walk in the room. Ugh!

Plus, how are you ever going to start thinking of yourself as "Mr or Mrs Smith" if nobody, not even pimply-faced teenagers, ever calls you that? It's ridiculous for 30something women to still be hanging onto their first name for fear of feeling "too old." Guess what, ain't none of us going to be mistaken for hip 19-year-olds again anytime soon.

I've gotten used to being addressed as Mrs. Jones, and finally it doesn't feel like I'm impersonating my MIL when someone addresses me properly.
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Old 02-13-2008, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Santa Barbara
1,474 posts, read 2,585,032 times
Reputation: 942
Frankly, I think that this is nice that you are teaching your kids to be polite and respectful of people and how to address them. When *I* was growing up in the 70's, I always called parents Mr or Mrs until I knew them well and then it was first names (standard where I was from). My old teachers though, including the one I invited to my wedding, were still Mr and Mrs. I always use Sir, Ma'am (or Miss, Mrs. Mr), etc when addressing people I don't know. That said, if someone addressed me as Mrs. <lastname>, I probably wouldn't know who they were talking to. I am just not used to it. I have to say, coming from CA, I was not familiar with Miss <first name>, but I actually like it. There is something sweet about a kid addressing an adult as Miss Jill or whatever your name is.
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Old 02-13-2008, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Da Parish
1,127 posts, read 4,445,392 times
Reputation: 985
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
I was raised to address everyone as Mr. and Mrs. unless instructed otherwise. However, how rude can you possibly be to instruct your child to call someone by a name they do not wish to be called?

I am 20 years old and so, to most young children, I'm just as much of an adult as mommy and daddy. However, I do not wish to be addressed as "Miss ___Lastname__". I have been corrected by parents of these children and told that the children would continue to address me by a name that I do not wish to be called. If the parents wanted their child to respect me, they would allow them to call me by the name I wished to be called. It is completely disrespectful and downright rude to continue calling someone a name they have stated they do not want to be called.

Please allow your children to respect ME by allowing them to call me what I want them to call me. Otherwise, the fault is on you, not me.
I totally agree, and you don't seem confused to me.
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Old 02-13-2008, 07:56 PM
 
Location: An absurd world.
5,165 posts, read 8,078,240 times
Reputation: 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelaRed View Post
No One seems to allow it anymore. I like it, it shows the children are being polite and respect for their elders. But now days everyoneis like "Call me Nancy...Mrs. Jones is my mother in law"

I mean how am I sapose to teach my kids manners if no one will let me
Words do not mean anything if all you're doing is saying them. Saying Mr and Mrs doesn't mean you have respect. It just means you say the words. You only consider it to be polite and a show of respect and manners because that's probably how you grew up. You can teach them all the words you consider respectful in the world, but if that's not how they really feel about someone, it's a waste. Sorry, but I try to speak on children's behalf, seeing as I'm from the younger generation and have experienced such things growing up. Teach them how to respect people, not what they should say to "sound respectful".
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Old 02-13-2008, 08:12 PM
 
269 posts, read 490,207 times
Reputation: 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Haaziq View Post
Words do not mean anything if all you're doing is saying them. Saying Mr and Mrs doesn't mean you have respect. It just means you say the words. You only consider it to be polite and a show of respect and manners because that's probably how you grew up. You can teach them all the words you consider respectful in the world, but if that's not how they really feel about someone, it's a waste. Sorry, but I try to speak on children's behalf, seeing as I'm from the younger generation and have experienced such things growing up. Teach them how to respect people, not what they should say to "sound respectful".
Sometimes the proper actions precede the proper attitude about the actions. It's a cycle that feeds into itself, IMO. Even social workers know that sometimes you have to "fake it till you make it."

It is no mistake that the military obliges young servicepeople to refer to their superiors as "Sir" or "Sergeant"-- it forces you to remember that this person IS your senior and therefore merits respectful treatment, whether you happen to like that person or not.

"Like" has got nothing to do with it.

Allows the entire community to function without breaking down over petty personality-driven issues. Also, it prescribes a set of rules for the generations to interact with each other politely so they can develop real relationships.

I see too many youngsters who really don't know how to interact with unfamiliar adults, so they avoid 'em altogether-- hence the unbelievably rude preteens who don't even look up when I walk into their livingrooms!

They know they ought not talk to me like one of their peers, but they really haven't been taught how they should act or talk. It is embarrassing to them, and it's embarrassing to the adults. The only ones who seem oblivious are the parents.
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