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Old 04-13-2009, 10:31 PM
 
515 posts, read 1,147,694 times
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Yes, I think in the beginning it is proper to have your kids address them as Mrs or Mr. until the adult tells them otherwise.
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Old 04-14-2009, 09:32 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,202,743 times
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Well, the problem here is that we have turned casualness into the national fetish. All you people who say, "Why, don't call me Mr. Jones, that makes me feel so old," you're doing nothing more than abetting the erosion of civility--all for the misplaced vanity of thinking you're young and hip. It is also a symptom of a culture where we're all supposed to dance around the children non-stop, worshipping and adoring every cute little thing that spills out of their darling little mouths. It's a shallow conceit for those who confuse familiarity with friendliness--when they're not one in the same. Add the fact that you're essentially vetoing the parent's approach to raising their kids, and it's really arrogant to the nth degree.

As a result, we've become a place where waiters introduce themselves by the first name, for crying out loud, and dispensed with all the nice little civilities that make human interaction much easier. Yet there is absolutely nothing wrong with a little formality. In fact, there's a good bit that's right with it. For knowing somebody as Mr. Jones rather than Joe does absolutely nothing to detract from the child's relationship with that adult--while being on a first-name basis with that same adult actually blurs the distinction between childhood and adulthood.

For in no way, shape, or form is the child or teenager the equivalent of an adult in any social setting. Adults deserve respect from children, if for no other reason than it teaches the child that they are not the center of the universe, and that they have some growing up to do before being fully accepted into the company of grownups.

So, if you are trying to properly raise your children to show respect for adults, only to watch them be baffled by some well-meaning boob who says, "Oh, just call me Joe," you have every right to say, "Thank you for that, but please don't undo all my hard work." For you are doing the right thing, and they are not.

Last edited by cpg35223; 04-14-2009 at 09:45 AM..
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Old 04-14-2009, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Northern VA
3,872 posts, read 7,600,475 times
Reputation: 3125
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Well, the problem here is that we have turned casualness into the national fetish. All you people who say, "Why, don't call me Mr. Jones, that makes me feel so old," you're doing nothing more than abetting the erosion of civility--all for the misplaced vanity of thinking you're young and hip. It is also a symptom of a culture where we're all supposed to dance around the children non-stop, worshipping and adoring every cute little thing that spills out of their darling little mouths. It's a shallow conceit for those who confuse familiarity with friendliness--when they're not one in the same. Add the fact that you're essentially vetoing the parent's approach to raising their kids, and it's really arrogant to the nth degree.

As a result, we've become a place where waiters introduce themselves by the first name, for crying out loud, and dispensed with all the nice little civilities that make human interaction much easier. Yet there is absolutely nothing wrong with a little formality. In fact, there's a good bit that's right with it. For knowing somebody as Mr. Jones rather than Joe does absolutely nothing to detract from the child's relationship with that adult--while being on a first-name basis with that same adult actually blurs the distinction between childhood and adulthood.

For in no way, shape, or form is the child or teenager the equivalent of an adult in any social setting. Adults deserve respect from children, if for no other reason than it teaches the child that they are not the center of the universe, and that they have some growing up to do before being fully accepted into the company of grownups.

So, if you are trying to properly raise your children to show respect for adults, only to watch them be baffled by some well-meaning boob who says, "Oh, just call me Joe," you have every right to say, "Thank you for that, but please don't undo all my hard work." For you are doing the right thing, and they are not.
so you're teaching your kids to be rude AND judgmental? Sweet.

My children are NEVER anything but polite. If someone wants to be called by their first name, by a made up name or by their last name, then that's what my kids call them. Because they are taught that as the child, they don't decide what an adult wants to be called.

Whatever someone's reasons are for what they want to be called, those reasons are still their own. It's not for you to be judge and jury on. Your post is ASSuming an awful lot about people you don't even know. Kind of like if I were to say that everyone I know who wants to be called "Mrs. so and so" is arrogant, pretentious and has a stick up their behind. Not true and certainly not for me to judge.
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Old 04-14-2009, 10:54 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,202,743 times
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Originally Posted by NicoleJ View Post
so you're teaching your kids to be rude AND judgmental? Sweet.

My children are NEVER anything but polite. If someone wants to be called by their first name, by a made up name or by their last name, then that's what my kids call them. Because they are taught that as the child, they don't decide what an adult wants to be called.

Whatever someone's reasons are for what they want to be called, those reasons are still their own. It's not for you to be judge and jury on. Your post is ASSuming an awful lot about people you don't even know. Kind of like if I were to say that everyone I know who wants to be called "Mrs. so and so" is arrogant, pretentious and has a stick up their behind. Not true and certainly not for me to judge.

Nope. You're wrong. Utterly, totally wrong. As in 2+2=5 wrong. For the adult in question has just interposed himself/herself into our parenting. Heck, why don't they just tell my kids that it's perfectly okay to watch TV on school nights or not eat their broccoli? Why not have the adult stroll up and trash the religious convictions we're trying to teach our children, simply he doesn't agree with it? After all, it's really the same thing.

For it is the role of the parent to teach the child a world view, from how to work to how to function in the world to how to interact with others. We are expressing our personal belief system to our children, one where a degree of formality matters in life when dealing with adults, and that there should be well-defined boundaries between the world of adults and those of children. And cheap egaliltarianism you seem to espouse serves no purpose except to confuse matters.

I love the easy label you apply, accusing me of pretension, just because I want my children to address adults properly.

Last edited by cpg35223; 04-14-2009 at 11:08 AM..
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Old 04-14-2009, 11:14 AM
 
5,463 posts, read 5,781,996 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Nope. You're wrong. Utterly, totally wrong. As in 2+2=5 wrong. For the adult in question has just interposed himself/herself into our parenting. Heck, why don't they just tell my kids that it's perfectly okay to watch TV on school nights or not eat their broccoli? Why not have the adult stroll up and trash the religious convictions we're trying to teach our children, simply he doesn't agree with it? After all, it's really the same thing.
I don't see the problem here, then. Other parents might wish to be called by their first names, as their view on parenting is that other people know themselves better than the child. You certainly wouldn't be "arrogant" enough to "interpose yourself into their parenting" by insisting otherwise, would you?
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Old 04-14-2009, 11:22 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,202,743 times
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Originally Posted by KCfromNC View Post
I don't see the problem here, then. Other parents might wish to be called by their first names, as their view on parenting is that other people know themselves better than the child. You certainly wouldn't be "arrogant" enough to "interpose yourself into their parenting" by insisting otherwise, would you?
Well, if their kids want to call me by my first name, then they can go ahead. But to apply their parenting philosophies to my children's conduct is not acceptable.

After all, there are lots of parents who think it's perfectly okay for their children to watch violent movies on television, eat fast food several times a week, and blame the teacher every time the child brings home a bad grade. Would you allow those parents to interpose those values on your children?

Of course not.
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Old 04-14-2009, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Northern VA
3,872 posts, read 7,600,475 times
Reputation: 3125
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Nope. You're wrong. Utterly, totally wrong. As in 2+2=5 wrong. For the adult in question has just interposed himself/herself into our parenting. Heck, why don't they just tell my kids that it's perfectly okay to watch TV on school nights or not eat their broccoli? Why not have the adult stroll up and trash the religious convictions we're trying to teach our children, simply he doesn't agree with it? After all, it's really the same thing.

For it is the role of the parent to teach the child a world view, from how to work to how to function in the world to how to interact with others. We are expressing our personal belief system to our children, one where a degree of formality matters in life when dealing with adults, and that there should be well-defined boundaries between the world of adults and those of children. And cheap egaliltarianism you seem to espouse serves no purpose except to confuse matters.

I love the easy label you apply, accusing me of pretension, just because I want my children to address adults properly.
ROFLOL, I didn't call you pretentious. Not once.

I can't even respond to this. Not without being either rude, sarcastic, or just dissolving into a fit of giggles. You raise your kids, I'll raise mine.
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Old 04-14-2009, 11:29 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,202,743 times
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Originally Posted by NicoleJ View Post
ROFLOL, I didn't call you pretentious. Not once.

I can't even respond to this. Not without being either rude, sarcastic, or just dissolving into a fit of giggles. You raise your kids, I'll raise mine.
You can't respond to it, because you can't really argue with it--unless of course you have to resort to being rude or sarcastic. And in a discussion of etiquette, that would be ironic wouldn't it?
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Old 04-14-2009, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Northern VA
3,872 posts, read 7,600,475 times
Reputation: 3125
If that's what you want to think, be my guest. It doesn't bother me in the least.
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Old 04-14-2009, 11:42 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,202,743 times
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Originally Posted by NicoleJ View Post
If that's what you want to think, be my guest. It doesn't bother me in the least.
Sure it does. Hence your vociferous posts.
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