U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-03-2008, 07:10 AM
 
3,751 posts, read 10,250,824 times
Reputation: 6561

Advertisements

Just another point - I'm from the North too - Michigan, doesn't get much more North than that -- and 30 years ago, when I was being raised, you called everyone older than you: Mr/Ms/Mrs/Ma'am or Sir.

What you do now - I can't imagine. But no, calling your friend's parents "Mr X or Mrs Y" was not equated with slavery. It was equated with that is the NICE thing to do.

We had teenagers around (late 70's/early 80's) who insisted on calling everyone's parents by their first name. IT WAS WEIRD. It made us uncomfortable (children and adult alike).

If you choose to be called by your first name in your circle of friends/family - that is your choice. But when a small child has been instructed to call you Mr/Mrs and you insist on your first name because it makes you uncomfortable.. well, all your doing is making the child uncomfortable. And they will still call you Mr/Mrs behind your back!!!

LOL!!

My boyfriend's parents tried to make me call them by their first name. I could not get over it. I would stutter and finally remember to call them by their first name, but then whenever I was talking about the dinner later to friends or my parents, I would revert right back to "Mr X said this..." "Mrs X cooked the best potatoes".

Because in my brain, no matter how much they insisted I call them by their first names, they were Mr. and Mrs. X.



and no, I don't feel like I was enslaved. LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-03-2008, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Gary, WV & Springfield, ME
5,826 posts, read 8,479,438 times
Reputation: 17251
Quote:
Originally Posted by elston View Post
It could be dangerous to teach a child that they have to do what ever a non related adult wants of them--if you know what I mean. Now that I think about it; it really puts the child at risk.
That's hitting the nail on the head - and put much more politely than I would have managed.

I'd give you reps elston, but I gotta spread it around.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 09:56 AM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,860,110 times
Reputation: 5139
Quote:
Originally Posted by colorsofspring View Post
Knowing people and hanging with them are two different things.
And yes, it absolutely does remind me of slavery. Different areas of the country have different cultures. Hard to believe isn't it?

Yes, what you say is VERY hard to believe.


Quote:
Originally Posted by elston View Post
It could be dangerous to teach a child that they have to do what ever a non related adult wants of them--if you know what I mean. Now that I think about it; it really puts the child at risk.
Ah! Intelligence rears it's beautiful head! Thank you elston, for being a voice of reason among a few misguided ones.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AliceT View Post
That's hitting the nail on the head - and put much more politely than I would have managed.

I'd give you reps elston, but I gotta spread it around.
No sweat Alice, I gotcha covered. Elston is now the proud official owner of a new rep point.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Florida (SW)
38,487 posts, read 18,249,882 times
Reputation: 46331
Moms2 and AliceT: I thank you for the support; can't reciprocate just now, but I think you both make a contribution to this discussion.

I wonder how people would feel about non family members deciding to contradict the religious instruction that a parent has decided on or would they tell a 6 y o that there is no Santa? I can remember gingerly stepping around some of these topics when my kids had friends over...because I wouldn't intentionally undermine a parents relationship with their children.

If a kid used a term or expressed racist idea etc, I would just say something like, we don't use that word in this house or, not everyone agrees with that....and then move on..(distraction) and then go back over the topic with my kids later.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 11:00 AM
 
9 posts, read 22,470 times
Reputation: 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by colorsofspring View Post
Since when is a given first name offensive?
Quite honestly, having to call someone Miss or Mister reminds me of slavery. Maybe its because I am from the north, but I see no disrespect in calling someone by thier GIVEN name- nor being called by mine. It's not as if a first name is a curse word.
And just because you place a Miss or Mr before a name, does not make you a a more respectful person. It only means that you used a term that is perceived as respectful. Some of the most hateful and prejudiced people I know insist upon this from thier child.

Reminds you of slavery???? It's not as if the parents are directing their children to refer to the adults as "massa" or "mammy". As a person from the North, and one who has anscetors who were slaves, I think that not only is calling adults by Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name) an extremely unreasonable comparison to make to slavery, it's offensive to compare a true sign of respect to what is arguably the ugliest racist period in the history of the United States.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes + some
2,885 posts, read 1,431,558 times
Reputation: 346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella35 View Post
Reminds you of slavery???? It's not as if the parents are directing their children to refer to the adults as "massa" or "mammy". As a person from the North, and one who has anscetors who were slaves, I think that not only is calling adults by Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name) an extremely unreasonable comparison to make to slavery, it's offensive to compare a true sign of respect to what is arguably the ugliest racist period in the history of the United States.
Excellent post and thoughts, Bella!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 11:40 AM
 
6,585 posts, read 22,439,859 times
Reputation: 3170
Oh, come on now, our kids need to comply with the demands of non-relatives while they are at school and sometimes it's to do things parents disagree with. We have to teach our kids how to discern when they should comply and when they shouldn't to the demands or requests of a non-relative (or even a relative).

Is someone says to a child, "Please call me by my first name," the child has to have the wherewithal to say, "My parents will not allow me to call you by your first name."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 11:41 AM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,053,714 times
Reputation: 2249
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella35 View Post
Reminds you of slavery???? It's not as if the parents are directing their children to refer to the adults as "massa" or "mammy". As a person from the North, and one who has anscetors who were slaves, I think that not only is calling adults by Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name) an extremely unreasonable comparison to make to slavery, it's offensive to compare a true sign of respect to what is arguably the ugliest racist period in the history of the United States.
Thank you for your post!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 11:56 AM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,860,110 times
Reputation: 5139
Quote:
Originally Posted by FarNorthDallas View Post
Oh, come on now, our kids need to comply with the demands of non-relatives while they are at school and sometimes it's to do things parents disagree with. We have to teach our kids how to discern when they should comply and when they shouldn't to the demands or requests of a non-relative (or even a relative).

Is someone says to a child, "Please call me by my first name," the child has to have the wherewithal to say, "My parents will not allow me to call you by your first name."
I don't think elston is referring to other figures of authority such as teachers, police officers, or caregivers. I think elston was referring to average everyday folks, friends of the family, neighbors, new people, etc...at least that was what I was assuming.

My daughters, when they are old enough to have that wherewithal, LOL, will use it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 16,835,721 times
Reputation: 12316
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella35 View Post
Reminds you of slavery???? It's not as if the parents are directing their children to refer to the adults as "massa" or "mammy". As a person from the North, and one who has anscetors who were slaves, I think that not only is calling adults by Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name) an extremely unreasonable comparison to make to slavery, it's offensive to compare a true sign of respect to what is arguably the ugliest racist period in the history of the United States.
Thanks for your post Bella! I too was shocked to see such a thing compared to slavery.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top