U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 02-03-2008, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Da Parish
1,127 posts, read 4,447,432 times
Reputation: 985

Advertisements

Oh my, I didn't realize that my post would be so controversial, nor was I expecting to get a few not so nice comments! I don't know what I said to lead ya'll to think that I taught my son to go along with anything some adult would ask him to do or for that matter, "lower my standards." As the OP stated he wanted to teach good manners and respect.

The matter boiled down to what would offend this person, and it offended her to be called Mrs. Noname. As I said, we had a discussion about the exception and why it was made with our son. It was not lost on the boy that the adult was not giving him the same consideration, and we talked about how to deal with that. He learned that just because someone is inconsiderate; it doesn't mean that you have to be inconsiderate in return.

Calling an adult Mr. and Mrs. is only part of learning respect and good manners. Learning how to make a small consession for what was otherwise a nice and well intentioned person from another country was part of my son's upbringing and I'll not apologize for it. (No offence intended)
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-03-2008, 07:30 PM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,817,169 times
Reputation: 5139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drouzin View Post
Oh my, I didn't realize that my post would be so controversial, nor was I expecting to get a few not so nice comments! I don't know what I said to lead ya'll to think that I taught my son to go along with anything some adult would ask him to do or for that matter, "lower my standards." As the OP stated he wanted to teach good manners and respect.

The matter boiled down to what would offend this person, and it offended her to be called Mrs. Noname. As I said, we had a discussion about the exception and why it was made with our son. It was not lost on the boy that the adult was not giving him the same consideration, and we talked about how to deal with that. He learned that just because someone is inconsiderate; it doesn't mean that you have to be inconsiderate in return.

Calling an adult Mr. and Mrs. is only part of learning respect and good manners. Learning how to make a small consession for what was otherwise a nice and well intentioned person from another country was part of my son's upbringing and I'll not apologize for it. (No offence intended)

I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about. Which post? I only saw one and I didn't see anyone attack you?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Da Parish
1,127 posts, read 4,447,432 times
Reputation: 985
Mom, I didn't say I was attacked; I said that some of the comments were, "not so nice." Please don't be offended that I found a couple of poster's comments a little rough for my tastes.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 08:32 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,718 posts, read 59,615,271 times
Reputation: 26823
Quote:
Originally Posted by AliceT View Post
Speaking of titles....

This is a little off the subject but along the same lines... What about your spouse's parents insisting you call them maw & paw? I couldn't do it. I called them Mr & Mrs.
I call my wifes parents by their first names, but it took a while. My wife calls my parents Mom & Dad.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-03-2008, 08:40 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,033,425 times
Reputation: 2249
My in-laws are deceased but I called my FIL "Dad" as soon as DH & I got married. DH calls my parents "Mom" and "Dad" but he was very reluctant until he lost his own dad. Now, it's very natural to him.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 06:36 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,575 posts, read 42,741,316 times
Reputation: 57252
Our children always addressed our friends and their friend's parents as Mr & Mrs. Now that they are adults, the "grown ups" are inviting them to call them by their first names.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 07:02 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,343,194 times
Reputation: 848
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
I call my wifes parents by their first names, but it took a while. My wife calls my parents Mom & Dad.

I followed the clues given in my birthday cards. LOL. When my in-laws changed how they signed the card, that's when I changed what I called them. They didn't sign Mom & Dad until we were engaged.

My husband calls my father by his 1st name, but my mom mom. He would rather call her by her first name I think, but she has issues so it's easier for him to call her mom than deal with her emotional roller coaster if he calls her by her name. Actually-he tries not to have to use a name at all-LOL.

Funny thing about my dad though. Usually it's the kids who don't like to call another person Mom or Dad, but with him, I really don't think he likes another person's kid calling him Dad. He has four and I think he thinks that's enough people calling him Dad. My BIL does and I can see it in my dad that he would really like it if he didn't.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 09:46 AM
 
12,455 posts, read 13,096,679 times
Reputation: 8893
Quote:
Originally Posted by colorsofspring View Post
Since when is a given first name offensive?
Quite honestly, having to call someone Miss or Mister reminds me of slavery. Maybe its because I am from the north, but I see no disrespect in calling someone by thier GIVEN name- nor being called by mine. It's not as if a first name is a curse word.
And just because you place a Miss or Mr before a name, does not make you a a more respectful person. It only means that you used a term that is perceived as respectful. Some of the most hateful and prejudiced people I know insist upon this from thier child.
This post makes an excellent point.

If someone objects to a word or phrase, then it shows understanding and respect and tolerance, to listen to what that person is saying, and why they may feel that way.

To discount, demean, belittle, or insult the person's reason for feeling this way shows ignorance, intolerance, disrespect for another's views, and life experiences.

People have different experiences. To tell someone how they "should" or "should not" feel is insulting. And it says more about the person saying it, than who they are saying it to.

I had always used sir and ma'am as a show of respect. Someone became very agitated when she heard me use "ma'am" because for her it was about unpleasant military experiences and discipline. I am pleased she shared that with me, as it increases my awareness, understanding, and opportunity to exercise and extend sensitivity and respect and dignity towards other humans.

Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 02-04-2008 at 10:04 AM..
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 10:01 AM
 
12,455 posts, read 13,096,679 times
Reputation: 8893
Quote:
Originally Posted by elston View Post
It could be dangerous to teach a child that they have to do what ever a non related adult wants of them--if you know what I mean. Now that I think about it; it really puts the child at risk.
Actually children are far more at risk from the adults they are related to, those they know and trust, than the ones they are not related to that are casual acquaintances.

I agree with you though, blind authority to anyone, including a parent, puts a child at risk. As a parent I wanted my children to learn and practice discernment, to grow into capable, confident, wise human beings, able to respond to a variety of situations. A healthy piece of that is to question authority, including mine as a parent. Arbitrary blind obedience leaves a child very vulnerable.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 10:38 AM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,817,169 times
Reputation: 5139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drouzin View Post
Mom, I didn't say I was attacked; I said that some of the comments were, "not so nice." Please don't be offended that I found a couple of poster's comments a little rough for my tastes.

Not offended, LOL, just baffled. It didn't seem like anyone directed their comments toward your post, at all. I thought you were confused and was trying to help, but I guess not.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top