U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-04-2008, 11:20 AM
 
9 posts, read 22,441 times
Reputation: 34

Advertisements

Quote:
"If someone objects to a word or phrase, then it shows understanding and respect and tolerance, to listen to what that person is saying, and why they may feel that way.

To discount, demean, belittle, or insult the person's reason for feeling this way shows ignorance, intolerance, disrespect for another's views, and life experiences."
Dim--I do believe your response is both contradictory and hypocritical. For the record, I objected to the comparison, not to any "feeling" as there was none stated. Furthermore, I stand by what I said: to make such a comparison to slavery is not only offensive, but naive about African-American enslavement in the United States. To defend such a comparison reveals the same and compounds the offense.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-04-2008, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Dallas, NC
1,703 posts, read 3,451,665 times
Reputation: 807
Wow! I can't believe how this post exploded. It seems there are some strong views. It also would appear that geography dictates how people like to be addressed. My son, who is 8, has a small group of friends he has know since kindergarten. We know these children well and their parents. We ask them to call us by our first names. If they put Mrs./Mr. before it, we don't care. He knows to call teachers and other adults he doesn't know Mr./Mrs. When I go into his classroom most of the kids call me Mrs. Noname b/c they don't know me and I don't correct them. If they are at my home, I will tell them to call me by my name. I let the parents know it's ok and I have NEVER had anyone tell me, "Sorry, I won't allow my child to call any adult by their name." I can't believe there are people who call their MIL and FIL Mr. and Mrs. so and so. They are family! Mine wanted me to call them Mom and Dad but I can't do it. I call them by their first names. I've been with their son for 11 years and we've been on vacations together. We're past Mr. and Mrs.

It seems that those who are so adamant about using formal titles live in more affluent areas where that would be the normal practice. In my little town, we're not too formal. Titles are not the only way to teach manners or respect. My son holds the door for women (and anyone else for that matter), he has table manners, doesn't speak disrespectfully to adults, etc. How someone addresses me is not the be all end all in manners or respect.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 12:05 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,029,664 times
Reputation: 2248
Quote:
Originally Posted by austinsmom View Post

It seems that those who are so adamant about using formal titles live in more affluent areas where that would be the normal practice. In my little town, we're not too formal. Titles are not the only way to teach manners or respect. My son holds the door for women (and anyone else for that matter), he has table manners, doesn't speak disrespectfully to adults, etc. How someone addresses me is not the be all end all in manners or respect.
My college roommate grew up without running water or electricity and she grew up being taught to also address adults as Mr/Mrs/Miss, etc...I really don't think the use of formal titles has anything to do with whether someone comes from an affluent area or not. I think it has more to do with how one was raised to begin with ("old habits die hard" - I still can't call my elders by their first names even when invited to) and in some cases, cultural differences.

I agree that using formal titles is not the only way to teach manners but for some parents, it's an important aspect of teaching their children the distinction of buddy/playmate vs adult. Why get so upset or offended?

I don't really see what the big deal is with being a addressed by CHILDREN by a formal title. I think it's great that parents want to instill those kinds of manners in their children. Does it make other children LESS disrespectful? No - not necessarily so. But, like I said in a previous post, I'd rather be addressed by "Mrs" or "m'am" than "Yo!" or "Sweetie" by someone 20-30 yrs my junior.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Moon Over Palmettos
5,975 posts, read 17,139,378 times
Reputation: 4989
Sampaguita - you do justice to the national flower!

Yes we ask our kids to address other people our age and older as Mr. John and Miss Katie, until they are told it is okay to call them without a title. It is culture and upbringing. I call my FIL "Dad" but his wife (not my DH's mom) by her first name. Those are how the cards are signed when addressed to DH and/or me. DH calls my parents Mom and Dad and when there is confusion, we just say "your Dad" or "my Dad". I came from a culture where there is a title for every sibling (male and female) above you in the birth order. Every older lady is addressed by another title, every older man by another. It is polite in some cultures to address by a generic title of "Grandpa" or "Grandma", "Uncle" or "Aunt". My Caucasian husband, raised by a military father, agrees. The children think they stand out as children with "breeding" when they do this, as they do get compliments within earshot. We are in the south and have moved down from the north and from the west before that. Our geography does not come into play regarding this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes + some
2,885 posts, read 1,420,882 times
Reputation: 346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drouzin View Post
Mom, I didn't say I was attacked; I said that some of the comments were, "not so nice." Please don't be offended that I found a couple of poster's comments a little rough for my tastes.
Now I understand where you're coming from. From your statement and you seemingly highly sensitive to this reader, ("comments a little rough for [your] tastes") and not wanting to offend leads you to try to please others rather than remain consistent with your son. If you have to stretch or change the rules to please someone who is OFFENDED because a CHILD called him Mr or Mrs, what will you do when things really get hard?

[i]He learned that just because someone is inconsiderate; it doesn't mean that you have to be inconsiderate in return. [/I

I think you are confusing the HE-- out of him by teaching him that it is considerate to call someone Mr. and Mrs. and then explaining in another instance, that it is inconsiderate.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 01:28 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,029,664 times
Reputation: 2248
Quote:
Originally Posted by bibit612 View Post
Sampaguita - you do justice to the national flower!

Yes we ask our kids to address other people our age and older as Mr. John and Miss Katie, until they are told it is okay to call them without a title. It is culture and upbringing. I call my FIL "Dad" but his wife (not my DH's mom) by her first name. Those are how the cards are signed when addressed to DH and/or me. DH calls my parents Mom and Dad and when there is confusion, we just say "your Dad" or "my Dad". I came from a culture where there is a title for every sibling (male and female) above you in the birth order. Every older lady is addressed by another title, every older man by another. It is polite in some cultures to address by a generic title of "Grandpa" or "Grandma", "Uncle" or "Aunt". My Caucasian husband, raised by a military father, agrees. The children think they stand out as children with "breeding" when they do this, as they do get compliments within earshot. We are in the south and have moved down from the north and from the west before that. Our geography does not come into play regarding this.
Thank you/maraming salamat, Bibit612!

Yes - on my father's side of the family, honorifics are used by all of his siblings. The only one who didn't get one was the youngest of 13.

For my family, it is definitely cultural so having my father addressed as "Yo dude" is quite appalling to all of us. My husband who is Caucasian as well didn't understand all the hoopla of calling aunts/uncles by their "titles". I told him in no uncertain terms that he could do whatever he wanted in his family but with my relatives, he would show the respect that was expected and not embarrass me or my parents. He was incredulous but out of love for me & respect for my parents he complied.

In fact, he had started addressing his father's sisters by their first names as soon as he saw himself as an adult & out of the house at 18. Since marrying me at age 42, he has returned to referring to his 80 yr old aunts as "Aunt Sue" and "Aunt Jen" and has admitted to feeling that when he was 18, he was just as much an adult as his aunts so why bother with stupid titles that didn't mean anything?

He actually apologized for being disrespectful to them when they came out for a visit a few years ago and they responded with "...we knew you'd come around someday."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Moon Over Palmettos
5,975 posts, read 17,139,378 times
Reputation: 4989
You're welcome/Walang anuman, Sampaguita! Like your hubby, mine actually enjoys all the "cultural" flavor the mixed marriage brings. If the kids can't speak the language, there is the unspoken one where there is always a place, regardless of generation and geography, for courtesy, civility and respect for others!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 01:46 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,341,204 times
Reputation: 848
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampaguita View Post
Thank you/maraming salamat, Bibit612!

My husband who is Caucasian as well didn't understand all the hoopla of calling aunts/uncles by their "titles". I told him in no uncertain terms that he could do whatever he wanted in his family but with my relatives, he would show the respect that was expected and not embarrass me or my parents. He was incredulous but out of love for me & respect for my parents he complied.

In fact, he had started addressing his father's sisters by their first names as soon as he saw himself as an adult & out of the house at 18. Since marrying me at age 42, he has returned to referring to his 80 yr old aunts as "Aunt Sue" and "Aunt Jen" and has admitted to feeling that when he was 18, he was just as much an adult as his aunts so why bother with stupid titles that didn't mean anything?
I'm caucasian-born and bred in NJ. I can tell you that if I EVER called my 100lb, 13 years older than me aunt by her first name WITHOUT the aunt she would knock me out cold. LOL. And if I didn't use Uncle for her husband who has been my uncle since I was about 6, I don't think I'd be allowed back in the house. I just can't imagine deciding one day not to use Aunt or Uncle with any of them-and getting away with it. It makes me laugh even thinking of how they would react..."Hey, Johnny, how's it going?' "WHAT did you just call me??!!" LOL.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 02:06 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,029,664 times
Reputation: 2248
Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
I'm caucasian-born and bred in NJ. I can tell you that if I EVER called my 100lb, 13 years older than me aunt by her first name WITHOUT the aunt she would knock me out cold. LOL. And if I didn't use Uncle for her husband who has been my uncle since I was about 6, I don't think I'd be allowed back in the house. I just can't imagine deciding one day not to use Aunt or Uncle with any of them-and getting away with it. It makes me laugh even thinking of how they would react..."Hey, Johnny, how's it going?' "WHAT did you just call me??!!" LOL.
Yikes...I didn't mean to imply that Caucasians take to not using aunt/uncle.

LOL - yeah - I would not like to be on the receiving end of the deep-freeze I would have received (not to mention the tongue lashing) had I ever dropped aunt/uncle.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2008, 02:12 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,341,204 times
Reputation: 848
Oh-I didn't think you were implying that at all Sampaguita-no worries!! Just a point of reference-I got it
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top