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Old 11-13-2015, 05:02 PM
 
769 posts, read 824,689 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post
My understanding is that the boy is sleeping and cuddling with stuffed animals, like a much younger child does.

The OP is the mother. The child is a boy. I am wondering if the boy needs more time with a father figure.

There is a natural progression from childhood to adulthood. None of us is an expert, but what the OP describes does sound abnormal and years behind where a 14 year old male should be. I think that's a problem. Not mental disturbance, necessarily. But a problem. It's more than being an introvert.

He's sleeping and cuddling with the stuffed animals (he has probably like 30 of them. And actively PLAYING, like PRETEND PLAYING with his toys.

OP (me) is the FATHER, not mother, he's got plenty of time with me, the actual father

Yes, not normal
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Old 11-13-2015, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Hyrule
8,390 posts, read 11,551,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CubsFan20 View Post
He's sleeping and cuddling with the stuffed animals (he has probably like 30 of them. And actively PLAYING, like PRETEND PLAYING with his toys.

OP (me) is the FATHER, not mother, he's got plenty of time with me, the actual father

Yes, not normal
Sorry, you've spawned a GEEK. It will be ok, just sit down and play with him. If you don't his mom might start dating a GEEK who will and he'll end up being the one who bonds with your kid, not you. That would suck.

Sometimes kids deal with things like death, divorce and bullying this way. Don't be too hard on him, and just let him grow up when he feels like it. Don't worry so much about him being normal or average. That isn't a complement. "Hey, you're the most NORMAL kid I've ever seen" isn't flattering.

BTW, 14 isn't that old. He may not mature until a lot later.
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Old 11-13-2015, 05:40 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
15,966 posts, read 20,939,817 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CubsFan20 View Post
He still plays with his toys and will not let go of his stuffed animals he has had since he was a little child. He literally still sleeps with one specific one.

He has boxes of old toys he only occasionally plays with, and TONS of legos.
TBH I doubt he will still be playing with toys when he's an adult, but I can see where there might be concern if he's still playing with them now to the exclusion of doing other, more age appropriate things. If it's just the occasional thing because he's bored, lonely and taking a short trip back to his childhood I'd not be too worried.
Does he have friends or spend time with other kids his own age? Does he enjoy doing more age appropriate activities? Can you interest him in joining a class or a small club where he can spend time with other kids his age doing something he enjoys, something you are more comfortable with, art, music,chess or some other board game,etc?
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Old 11-13-2015, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Upper St. Clair, PA
367 posts, read 455,079 times
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OP: Someone else mentioned art classes before. His passion for legos could really hint at an interest at this. I thought it was a wonderful idea. This is where he can also make friends that share this interest. He needs friends, this can help. What is your take on that?

I'm glad your trying to do something. the worst thing you can do for him is nothing.
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Old 11-13-2015, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Upper St. Clair, PA
367 posts, read 455,079 times
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I thought about autism as a possibility here as well. The OP claims it has never been diagnosed though. It does beg a question though as to when the OP last got an opinion on that.
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Old 11-13-2015, 08:20 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,822,865 times
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This is the deal. I have two kids with real, solid obvious developmental problems. So I have perspective.

When I was 8 my mom got rid of all my toys because that is what her mother did. I, and my mother, were told we were too old for playing. My grandmother was a child in the Great Depression. My grand mother applied her experience to my mom, my mom did it to me. It was not ok.

When I was 14 and even 15 I played with my pillow as if it was a baby doll when NO ONE was looking. I was ashamed.

My oldest step son started collecting glass figurines when he was 12. When we were cleaning out his room when he went to college, he seemed embarrassed to find them. He is a very popular young man with a beautiful girlfriend.

My son is 10 and a half. He fights me to watch PG-13 movies, wants independence....but also plays with Legos and dinosaurs. Sometime s he even plays littlest pet shop and Barbies with his little sister.

My son had friends who are up to 13. They come and mostly they play sports outside (hard for my son with gross motor delay) but they also all come in and play with his toys.

I actually know several adults who keep their stuffie or lovie in their bed. Even married. Maybe they don't cuddle them, but they feel comfort with them there. I sucked my thumb into my teens (I did have major trauma).

Childhood development isn't linear. If there are other reasons you are worried, ask for professional help. The divorce or the strife might have caused problems. Hell, maybe he was molested. Maybe he has developmental delay. But likely he is feeling comfortable liking what he likes. Playing the way he does. He is not you. He will not develop the way you did

So is there a big problem? Or is he fine and your expectations are the problem? It's really one or the other.
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Old 11-13-2015, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Hyrule
8,390 posts, read 11,551,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
This is the deal. I have two kids with real, solid obvious developmental problems. So I have perspective.

When I was 8 my mom got rid of all my toys because that is what her mother did. I, and my mother, were told we were too old for playing. My grandmother was a child in the Great Depression. My grand mother applied her experience to my mom, my mom did it to me. It was not ok.

When I was 14 and even 15 I played with my pillow as if it was a baby doll when NO ONE was looking. I was ashamed.

My oldest step son started collecting glass figurines when he was 12. When we were cleaning out his room when he went to college, he seemed embarrassed to find them. He is a very popular young man with a beautiful girlfriend.

My son is 10 and a half. He fights me to watch PG-13 movies, wants independence....but also plays with Legos and dinosaurs. Sometime s he even plays littlest pet shop and Barbies with his little sister.

My son had friends who are up to 13. They come and mostly they play sports outside (hard for my son with gross motor delay) but they also all come in and play with his toys.

I actually know several adults who keep their stuffie or lovie in their bed. Even married. Maybe they don't cuddle them, but they feel comfort with them there. I sucked my thumb into my teens (I did have major trauma).

Childhood development isn't linear. If there are other reasons you are worried, ask for professional help. The divorce or the strife might have caused problems. Hell, maybe he was molested. Maybe he has developmental delay. But likely he is feeling comfortable liking what he likes. Playing the way he does. He is not you. He will not develop the way you did

So is there a big problem? Or is he fine and your expectations are the problem? It's really one or the other.
That's what I'm wondering, did he come to the father telling him he feels abnormal? Or did the father question him first about what he felt was abnormal?
Because in my family, if it isn't broke, don't fix it. Sometimes we as parents, meaning well, create a larger problem then there really is.
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Old 11-13-2015, 09:57 PM
 
Location: Out in the Badlands
10,420 posts, read 10,777,005 times
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Maybe when they stop buying Hummers for transportation?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk79ECCd6SM
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Old 11-13-2015, 10:53 PM
 
Location: Oceania
8,610 posts, read 7,849,991 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CubsFan20 View Post
I have a 14 year old son who primarily lives with me, his mother has him during the summer and on most weekends, and some holidays.

Our divorce was amicable and happened when he was 8, we live in the same town and there's not much bad blood between us. He was not really traumatized by the divorce.

Anyway, he is very smart academically, but emotionally seems to be years behind the other kids. He still plays with his toys and will not let go of his stuffed animals he has had since he was a little child. He literally still sleeps with one specific one.

I have tried to separate him from the toys in the last couple of years, but he wont. He has boxes of old toys he only occasionally plays with, and TONS of legos.

I figured that he would eventually be growing out of this phase, he's in 8th grade, going into high school next year, but he's 14 going on 10 emotionally.

At what point should I be legitimately concerned about this? It's not normal. I recently started asking him what he wants for Christmas, and let him create an Amazon "wish list". It's full of toys and a couple more stuffed animals.

I stopped buying him toys a few years back. I won't do it. I buy him books, and video games, board games which he also loves, challenging stuff. His mom and other relatives still do. I have brought it up to his mom too and she sees nothing wrong with it. I see them as enabling it.

Looking back on myself at that age, I gave up toys when I was about 10 or 11, maybe sooner. He has no diagnosed mental deficiencies or handicaps, I just don't know what to do. He's always been socially awkward, but honestly I was too at that age, I know middle school can be rough. But he's way behind and I am worried. This christmas list thing really has me concerned... he turns 15 in March

Oh, also, girls. Is still of the mindset that girls have cuties, wants nothing to do with them. Recently went to a middle school dance just so he didn't have to ride the bus home (no, I had to pick him up). I asked him if he danced with any girls, or talked to them, he said, oooh, no. I asked what did you do the whole time, he sat on the bleachers and read a book.
I just turned 58 and toys keep my imagination alive. I have crap my mom saved since I was a kid. When she passed my loving sisters all put my stuff into a big Rubbermaid box and is still tucked away in a spare room. My old teddy bear from 50+ years ago is in that box.
You will miss the little boy when he grows up; don't force it, enjoy it. When they grow up they grow apart from you if they sense something amiss. I doubt you will need to take him to a brothel to make him a man.
Ever take the little guy to a laser tag or paintball range for some big guy fun? Got any pro sports teams in your area where you can catch a game? Got any friends whose kids have minibikes or motorcycles?
Ever thought about getting him an RC car? Forget that...you would probably need to get two as you will get into it as well and then you will have two lost boys on your hands.
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Old 11-14-2015, 12:53 AM
axg
 
4 posts, read 3,787 times
Reputation: 16
To the people that are telling the OP to "just love your kid" or "don't be a bully" - come on now. Does that really contribute anything to this thread? He made it very clear that he doesn't want to take an abrasive approach to the 'issue' and it is very obvious that he loves his son.

Anyways, I think your son is right on the cusp of maturity. Actively playing with stuffed animals won't last and I think you will be surprised of the effect that high school will have on him. He will most likely phase it out naturally to satisfy peer perception and find new interests. Even as an introvert, in high school, you are thrusted into social situations which can have influence (not always good).

As the above poster mentioned, I think you can still get him what he asks for and then 'surprise' him with other things that you think he would genuinely have fun with. Let him discover what he likes for himself, just help out by providing him with some options.

I don't think you should be concerned. Let it ride out, because it will.
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