Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a 14 year old son who primarily lives with me, his mother has him during the summer and on most weekends, and some holidays.
Our divorce was amicable and happened when he was 8, we live in the same town and there's not much bad blood between us. He was not really traumatized by the divorce.
Anyway, he is very smart academically, but emotionally seems to be years behind the other kids. He still plays with his toys and will not let go of his stuffed animals he has had since he was a little child. He literally still sleeps with one specific one.
I have tried to separate him from the toys in the last couple of years, but he wont. He has boxes of old toys he only occasionally plays with, and TONS of legos.
I figured that he would eventually be growing out of this phase, he's in 8th grade, going into high school next year, but he's 14 going on 10 emotionally.
At what point should I be legitimately concerned about this? It's not normal. I recently started asking him what he wants for Christmas, and let him create an Amazon "wish list". It's full of toys and a couple more stuffed animals.
I stopped buying him toys a few years back. I won't do it. I buy him books, and video games, board games which he also loves, challenging stuff. His mom and other relatives still do. I have brought it up to his mom too and she sees nothing wrong with it. I see them as enabling it.
Looking back on myself at that age, I gave up toys when I was about 10 or 11, maybe sooner. He has no diagnosed mental deficiencies or handicaps, I just don't know what to do. He's always been socially awkward, but honestly I was too at that age, I know middle school can be rough. But he's way behind and I am worried. This christmas list thing really has me concerned... he turns 15 in March
Oh, also, girls. Is still of the mindset that girls have cuties, wants nothing to do with them. Recently went to a middle school dance just so he didn't have to ride the bus home (no, I had to pick him up). I asked him if he danced with any girls, or talked to them, he said, oooh, no. I asked what did you do the whole time, he sat on the bleachers and read a book.
Last edited by CubsFan20; 11-12-2015 at 10:44 AM..
I have a 14 year old son who primarily lives with me, his mother has him during the summer and on most weekends, and some holidays.
Our divorce was amicable and happened when he was 8, we live in the same town and there's not much bad blood between us. He was not really traumatized by the divorce.
Anyway, he is very smart academically, but emotionally seems to be years behind the other kids. He still plays with his toys and will not let go of his stuffed animals he has had since he was a little child. He literally still sleeps with one specific one.
I have tried to separate him from the toys in the last couple of years, but he wont. He has boxes of old toys he only occasionally plays with, and TONS of legos.
I figured that he would eventually be growing out of this phase, he's in 8th grade, going into high school next year, but he's 14 going on 10 emotionally.
At what point should I be legitimately concerned about this? It's not normal. I recently started asking him what he wants for Christmas, and let him create an Amazon "wish list". It's full of toys and a couple more stuffed animals.
I stopped buying him toys a few years back. I won't do it. I buy him books, and video games, board games which he also loves, challenging stuff. His mom and other relatives still do. I have brought it up to his mom too and she sees nothing wrong with it. I see them as enabling it.
Looking back on myself at that age, I gave up toys when I was about 10 or 11, maybe sooner. He has no diagnosed mental deficiencies or handicaps, I just don't know what to do. He's always been socially awkward, but honestly I was too at that age, I know middle school can be rough. But he's way behind and I am worried. This christmas list thing really has me concerned... he turns 15 in March
Oh, also, girls. Is still of the mindset that girls have cuties, wants nothing to do with them. Recently went to a middle school dance just so he didn't have to ride the bus home (no, I had to pick him up). I asked him if he danced with any girls, or talked to them, he said, oooh, no. I asked what did you do the whole time, he sat on the bleachers and read a book.
Enabling ... what???
He is his own person. Stop trying to force him to be someone he's not.
People mature at different rates, and the BEST thing you can do for him to help him grow up as a secure young man is to SHOW him you love him for who he is, even if he doesn't yet fit your perception of what a boy should be like.
Umm....give the kid a break, please. Some of the more intricate lego sets are actually geared towards teens specifically. And some people (of both genders) like things like stuffed animals for longer than others. My husband, a large guy who played football in high school and practiced martial arts seriously for years after that, has hung on to stuffed animals his mom gave him as a kid. I found it mildly amusing when I met him and realized this, but I don't think anyone has ever perceived him as socially stunted or not masculine.
I played with GI Joes until High School, then I got too busy with sports and homework...and girls, but I would occasionally attach them to a kite or something in downtime. My older bro played pretend with little figurines until probably that same age. I wouldn't care if my kids were still playing with toys at that age, he likes what he likes...let him enjoy his life. It is better than video games, in my opinion.
In my 20's, I was the one always playing with my friend's kids, make believe stuff. Now I play with my kids. It is good for creativity and leaving the stresses of the world behind.
I'm semi-normal, haha.
Oh, one edit. He should feel he can be himself when he is around you, not what you deem to be right. Let him grow and explore with you.
As long as he's not into My Little Pony I wouldn't sweat it. He'll come in to his own, eventually. Some adults never entirely get rid of their toys, by the way.
I'm 47 and sleep with a stuffed animal. My husband is 43 and plays with Legos.
And some people dress up in animal costumes and have sex with each other (furries...). That's the kind of perverse stuff I am trying to head off. I don't think this is normal. I have several good friends all my age who have similar aged kids, they all think it's weird too. That and some other mannerisms anyway.
I just want him to not be a social outcast.
Quote:
I think you are creating a problem that does not exist.
I'm not creating a problem. I am really not actively pressuring him to stop, I just refuse to buy him toys anymore.
Quote:
My son is also shy at dances. Pretty sure stressing him out about it won't help.
I'm sure that part will work itself out eventually.
Quote:
Originally Posted by almost3am
Oh, one edit. He should feel he can be himself when he is around you, not what you deem to be right. Let him grow and explore with you.
He can be, it's not like I am actively pressuring him about it
I have tried to separate him from the toys in the last couple of years, but he wont. He has boxes of old toys he only occasionally plays with, and TONS of legos.
I agree this is not a problem. There are adults who play with Lego's as a hobby and some even earn a living building Lego statues, sets etc. I think it would be a great way for you two to bond actually. Buy an advanced Lego set and build it together. Go to a Lego convention or show. I think this is better than becoming a video game zombie.
Don't worry about girls either. In fact I think the longer he avoids them the better; less chance of getting into trouble . I had very little interaction with boys until college. I met my husband when I was 22, still together with kids and happy. Let him be who he wants to be and build his confidence. The only thing about this that will be detrimental, is shaming him for his interests.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. I had very little interaction with boys until college. I met my husband when I was 22, still together with kids and happy. Let him be who he wants to be and build his confidence. The only thing about this that will be detrimental, is shaming him for his interests.
