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OP, maybe you can encourage her to do an "on location" shoot once a week that focuses on "inner beauty" and take her to various local non-profits that take volunteers. She could do a short bit about the charity and interview someone who works there or someone who benefits from it.
Really, in the long run, this COULD turn into a career in video production or broadcasting. It's not that far-fetched.
As a mom, however, I totally understand your concern about her focus on shallow pursuits. But the way to teach her not to do that is NOT to badmouth it or ban it. It's to model the desired behavior.
So keep her involved in family activities. Limit her internet time overall, if you aren't already doing that. Are you buying the outfits and makeup she talks about in the videos? Be encouraging of the GOOD things she does. Don't even mention the beauty videos. Let it follow a natural progression.
She's also at the age when she can think about working in a part-time job, like at a fun, low-key place like an ice-cream store or even a boutique. With my older boys, getting them out of the house for 15-20 hours a week and earning a paycheck really was good for them. It teaches them a LOT of things they won't learn sitting in front of a computer.
Location: In a little house on the prairie - literally
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Let's turn this whole thing on its head.
Rather than getting visibly upset with her, sit down with her, tell her you have thought about it, and ask her what YOU can do to make things on her channel more successful. But be careful, any attempt at manipulating her she will recognize right away, and push you further away. I know, it will take a lot for you, but if you have been involved in her life, like it sounds like you have been, get re-involved, but WITH her. Not FOR her, but truly as a partner.
Teens at that age have little use for their parents and are starting to grow their own personalities. What she is doing is not a negative, although it probably is a bit narcissistic. As example, a possible involvement may be to buy a higher quality camera and microphone, as that will improve the quality of the videos. Research it together. She will appreciate it, and yes, I know it will cost some money, but it shows no judgement, and can not be perceived as negative by her.
Perhaps you can jointly take some classes together on production issues? Is there software that can present a more professional product?
In other words, get involved, support her, and in time, you may be able to get her to actually ask you for advice. I suspect your whole situation will change as she recognizes that you are being supportive, in a constructive way. You will know, once she starts asking for advice again, when you can honestly attempt to steer her in a better direction. But she has to do the asking, and you will have to rebuild that trust in this case.
Right now she just sees you dissing her hobby.
Edit:
I just read the response by Wmsn4life, and it dovetails perfectly with my comments here.
No....she's putting fake stuff on the internet? Well, I'll be darned! Who would have thought that could EVER happen?
Mom, you are a good person, and doing a good job raising your daughter. Keep previewing what she is putting up there, make sure there are not too many pervs following her, and let it be.
She will outgrow this in time....or become fabulously successful, in which case you ain't seen nothing yet!
(One of my daughters, slight younger, did this farm thing on the internet for a couple of years. 25/8/370. And then some. Then she stopped! Yours will too.)
Be sure to review the videos and be sure they're not getting sexual in any way. If she's truly "competing" to get more followers she may be tempted to do stuff JUST get more views and some of that could turn nasty.
I'd also encourage her to do at least some videos that are actually informative or constructive in some manner and not just stupid superficial stuff. What I mean is to encourage her to do stuff that's actually helpful to others and so she's not just doing stuff that's "entertaining". Just like you want her to mature into a person with serious values and morals who contributes to society - this is the START of her doing that - you don't want her to be the next Kardashian, right?
She gets good grades, no drinking, no drugs, etc. She has a nice smart hobby of a you tube channel on the internet that is actually successful. At 15, she's trying to find herself, which may or may not be the same person she was at 13, and is may also be completely different from who you would like her to be. You tube is not changing her, SHE is changing because she is growing and maturing.
Count your blessings, you have a good kid. Let her explore this a bit, really. Talk to her about making sure that it doesn't start to negatively affect other areas of life, you know, homework and family comes first, but when that's done then you can work on your next you tube post. Teach her how to manage a work / life balance. And for goodness sakes, stop calling her names, and TRY to accept her and her hobby. Make-up and beauty gurus are not evil.
I have to agree. Make sure she is getting a profit, they pay people for subscribers. Actually, reframe this, you have a full blown entrepreneur on your hands. For goodness sake, support her talents and be proud of her.
I have to add. She makes her videos, and she has adoring fans...She may be making some shy kid less afraid to do something like this too. To me that is awesome. And, I honestly think that she may be really being herself...and your anger and total lack of support is making her be different around you.
Seriously, get yourself into some sort of counseling...because you mentioned depression, and grieving that she isn't your little girl anymore...those are your issues.
Start to take an interest in her skills...maybe even offer to be a before/after model on her video occasionally...Imagine how great that would be for her to add tips for mom's makeover's.
In today's society, having a teen that is doing well in school, not drinking/drugging and is doing something productive with her time means that you've raised a great kid...Do not keep treating her like she is going off the deep end and doing something horrible...you may push her into a self full-filling prophesy.
What's her you tube channel...She sounds great! I'd bet my Granddaughter has watched her make-up demos.
No....she's putting fake stuff on the internet? Well, I'll be darned! Who would have thought that could EVER happen?
Mom, you are a good person, and doing a good job raising your daughter. Keep previewing what she is putting up there, make sure there are not too many pervs following her, and let it be.
She will outgrow this in time....or become fabulously successful, in which case you ain't seen nothing yet!
(One of my daughters, slight younger, did this farm thing on the internet for a couple of years. 25/8/370. And then some. Then she stopped! Yours will too.)
It's just a way to say...ALL the time.. one step up from 24/7/365.
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