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Old 02-03-2008, 11:20 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,218,229 times
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my MIL hates me too. My hubby and I have had it w/her. We do not talk to her anymore. There is just no point. I don't see why you should have to "defend" yourself to her. You will never be right, she will always be right. Just let it go...
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Old 02-04-2008, 08:07 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,353,190 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultrarunner View Post
Quite a cross to bear... Sounds like other people realize your MIL is off her rocker... I'm sure your Husband's admiration for you is growing by leaps and bounds.

One thing Husbands can't deal with well is dissension between the women in their lives... I'm sure he realizes what your put through...

Remember... he picked you and there's nothing she can do about!
I second this. And your kids will figure out the truth for themselves one day-I did with my mother and her ex-mil (my grandmother). Stay true to yourself and don't let her infect your life.
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Old 02-04-2008, 01:40 PM
 
Location: SD
896 posts, read 3,873,744 times
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Thanks for the responses. My husband feels that we should just ignore the situation and although I don't agree completely, I think this is the best I can do right now. My "friend" is a woman I don't know very well from my daughter's gymnastics class. I think she told me about their conversation because she was so insulted by what my MIL had to say about me and my religion. Let me put it out there -- I am jewish, husband is non-practicing catholic. Our children attend a christian school. The "friend" told me because she couldn't believe how over the top MIL was in her comments about how we're raising our girls. MIL believes that I'm "brainwashing" them to be "Jews" like me. If she took the time to ask us, we would explain that we are teaching them to learn about both religions and let them decide which they're comfortable with when they're older. I think that I'm just fried because she's made a judgement about me based without fact. And it's taken me almost 10 years to figure out that she has an issue with my religion. They live 1,000 miles away from us and visit us for Christmas. They stay in a hotel now. I just find this situation so sad. Sad for my husband and kids, mostly.
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Old 02-04-2008, 01:59 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,353,190 times
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Wow-that does go a bit beyond her thinking her mashed potatoes are better than yours. I do think it would be wise to seriously pay attention to how she treats your kids. I would hate to think of kids having to deal with granny's anti-semetism in any fashion. I don't know now if I would still ignore her, and I think I would really want my husband to say something if it were me. If not for your sake, then for the sake of your kids who may choose Judaism one day. I'm just really sad for you right now.
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Old 02-05-2008, 06:42 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,023,459 times
Reputation: 4295
Quote:
Originally Posted by 5FLgirls View Post
My husband feels that we should just ignore the situation and although I don't agree completely, I think this is the best I can do right now.
Well, they don't call husbands "HUBbies" for nothing, since so many suffer "Head Up the Butt" syndrome

If I took a poll of women who are told to deal with these situations by:

ignore her
take the high road/be the bigger person
keep the peace
Mom has always been like that, she'll never change

I bet you'd see a huge spike in numbers versus men who take the wife's side and tell their mothers to stuff it

As I suggested in another post, check out the MIL support board
Mother-In-Law Stories and Mother-In-Law Jokes
It's a misnomer to call it a MIL Jokes board - very few women find anything funny in their situations. It's a better place to ask for advice than this thread, and you'll find an inexhaustible fount of support.
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Old 02-05-2008, 11:58 PM
 
Location: Nor Cal
324 posts, read 1,552,229 times
Reputation: 180
I think every year at Christmas/Hannukah I'd come down with something "HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS"!!! ha I feel for you, can't be fun having that looming over you every December. Family trips to Mexico should be a new tradition! Good luck.
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Old 02-06-2008, 12:13 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,110,753 times
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My problem with just ignoring it and hoping your kids figure it out someday is that I don't think children should be exposed to certain things.

Children should not HAVE to grow up in a toxic environment.

I say this from experience. I hated the holidays until I moved here to Florida and removed my daughter and I from the toxic environment.
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Old 02-06-2008, 12:58 AM
 
335 posts, read 933,235 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
I second this. And your kids will figure out the truth for themselves one day-I did with my mother and her ex-mil (my grandmother). Stay true to yourself and don't let her infect your life.
Excellent!


I too had issues regarding my mil! I am now divorced and I must say it has been the best most peaceful 3 years yet!
And I can state that taking the higher road is very difficult at times especially when there are children involved. I simply stayed away from her, I had tried many times over the 10 years that I was married to her son to bend over backwards and get along for the sake of my husband and son but this got old very fast.
All I can say is be grateful that you only have to deal with her one time a year but like another poster said your husband must request that you be treated with respect...this leaves the ball in her court!
Good luck,
DD70
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Old 02-06-2008, 06:13 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,023,459 times
Reputation: 4295
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
My problem with just ignoring it and hoping your kids figure it out someday is that I don't think children should be exposed to certain things.

Children should not HAVE to grow up in a toxic environment.
Right. And kids do pick up signals at a younger age than parents perceive. Worse, at a young age, they can be confused by what they see and suffer greater damage.

I had toxic grandparents on both sides. Holidays spent with either set were a bewilderment of "why is Mommy so quiet here? why does Daddy glower so much? why does Grandma say such mean things to Mommy? why do Mommy and Daddy always get into fights on the way home?"

Watching one parent put up with crap from the in-laws, for whatever vaunted nobility, sets up a bad pattern for children to learn. Frankly, I think it's abuse, even if from a second degree, and parents do their children no good service by exposing them to it.
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Old 02-06-2008, 07:37 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,110,753 times
Reputation: 6659
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwing View Post
Right. And kids do pick up signals at a younger age than parents perceive. Worse, at a young age, they can be confused by what they see and suffer greater damage.

I had toxic grandparents on both sides. Holidays spent with either set were a bewilderment of "why is Mommy so quiet here? why does Daddy glower so much? why does Grandma say such mean things to Mommy? why do Mommy and Daddy always get into fights on the way home?"

Watching one parent put up with crap from the in-laws, for whatever vaunted nobility, sets up a bad pattern for children to learn. Frankly, I think it's abuse, even if from a second degree, and parents do their children no good service by exposing them to it.
Yes, it sends an unspoken message to children, they grow up thinking its OK to act this way or to treat people this way.
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