Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OP if you do come back, please realize the group of people posting are not experts. We all have our past and experiences that lead us to our conclusions. You have to be really weary who you choose to take information from. In the mix will even be sex offenders who defend what they do/have done with minimizing, blaming the victim, etc. and then there are some of us (myself included) who experienced childhood sexual abuse and really did suffer and are looking it from our point of view of the impact.
You really have to use your filter.
If you come back, you need to realize the chances are it is not going to be nearly as bad as so many people are painting it. If you get help, your daughter can recover, and so can your son.
Yep, and the mother's response per OP is just bizarre to me, truly bizarre.
Maybe SHE's the nutjob, a deviant, who knows.
Separate, for sure.
Intese questioning of both kids, apart, by Dad, for sure.
If it had been my son with a younger sis, I would've prob barraged him with q's, then got sis alone and determined if what she said matched his explanation, and I'd be leaning towards believing the story of whichever kid had the most stable personality and history.
If I had a kid with scary personality traits who THEN was involved in such an incident, to a therapist he/she would go, posthaste, and YES no contact with younger sibs.
Intense questioning IS NOT the way to find out about sexual abuse. It takes a calm, gentle and trained person to find out what really happened in the vast majority of cases.
ETA if a parent intensely questions a child about sexual abuse and gets a disclosure, the courts actually have that disclosure hold much less weight then if it is brought about with a trained therapist or police officer. Parents are told to ask minimal questions and then to get a trained person to continue with the disclosure work.
Makhno75- do you have any actual experience working with children who have been sexually abused? I know that you wrote that you have a degree in criminal justice and did your undergraduate thesis on Megans' Law but do you have actual experience in this area? Have you actually dealt with CPS or just heard the horror stories about it? Some of your suggestions seem contrary to what is known about child sexual abuse.
As a private advocate I have dealt with CPS and seen the horror stories, and on that basis I can tell you that what they claim to "know" about child sexual abuse is full of misconceptions, fallacies and is completely at odds with what is known from honest scientific inquiry. You get about as much insight into sexual abuse from watching Oprah as you do from talking to a CPS worker--and I don't mean that as a compliment to Oprah.
If you want to see actual clinically valid research on CSA, you have to go to the Kinsey Institute or IPT Forensics. Most of what people imagine they know on the subject is wrong, or at least out of focus, because of extremely loud activism on behalf of a specious victim class.
Intense questioning IS NOT the way to find out about sexual abuse. It takes a calm, gentle and trained person to find out what really happened in the vast majority of cases.
ETA if a parent intensely questions a child about sexual abuse and gets a disclosure, the courts actually have that disclosure hold much less weight then if it is brought about with a trained therapist or police officer. Parents are told to ask minimal questions and then to get a trained person to continue with the disclosure work.
Makes sense.
But I would want immediate answers. We're talking sexual activity amongst sibs, not adult/child victim, which is a whole different thing.
Um...I just looked up the Rauol case... wonder where he is now, and how many more victims...that was rather a disturbing thing to read.
As a private advocate I have dealt with CPS and seen the horror stories, and on that basis I can tell you that what they claim to "know" about child sexual abuse is full of misconceptions, fallacies and is completely at odds with what is known from honest scientific inquiry. You get about as much insight into sexual abuse from watching Oprah as you do from talking to a CPS worker--and I don't mean that as a compliment to Oprah.
If you want to see actual clinically valid research on CSA, you have to go to the Kinsey Institute or IPT Forensics. Most of what people imagine they know on the subject is wrong, or at least out of focus, because of extremely loud activism on behalf of a specious victim class.
Did you know there are lots of orgs out there that advocate for offenders, and who thinks childhood sex abuse is just fine, and that pedophiles are just a variation of normal sexuality. I have never watch Oprah in my life, but I'd rather listen to her then believe a single thing you say.
You claim to be an advocate? For who? Offenders?
Well I am survivor and have spent countless hours working on recovery, and talking with other survivors. I'm going to stick to what I know here.
Makes sense.
But I would want immediate answers. We're talking sexual activity amongst sibs, not adult/child victim, which is a whole different thing.
Um...I just looked up the Rauol case... wonder where he is now, and how many more victims...that was rather a disturbing thing to read.
I wasn't meaning it would go to court. But just backing up that intense questioning will not get your accurate answers....which is more important then immediate ones.
Um...I just looked up the Rauol case... wonder where he is now, and how many more victims...that was rather a disturbing thing to read.
The victims were Raoul and his sister and parents. The victimizers were the agents of the state of Colorado. BTW I know where Raoul is, and he is just fine.
You know what's most disturbing about the hijacking of this thread and the direction in which its gone is I know real advocates for offenders and survivors. My last therapist was. One of her biggest accomplishments was work she did with offenders. Because of that work, she had a very balanced view on sexual abuse. She knew it inside and out. And she felt great empathy for offenders, may we as much as for survivors. But she didn't victim blame, pretend there was no such thing as grooming, or discount imbalance of power. She actually saw what those things did to people. And she saw how offenders used them.
I am highly disturbed by the type of person who would come out strong against these things. I knew there were people like that out there, who discounted most abuse (besides raping a 3 year old). "If you don't fight, if there is no violence, then it's consensual and people need to suck it up and be fine. ". But to actually read someone writing these things makes me physically ill.
I am highly disturbed by the type of person who would come out strong against these things. I knew there were people like that out there, who discounted most abuse (besides raping a 3 year old). "If you don't fight, if there is no violence, then it's consensual and people need to suck it up and be fine. ". But to actually read someone writing these things makes me physically ill.
I'm not here to curry anyone's favor, including yours. I'm here to offer the OP my best advice.
In some contexts. For example, in lobbying to get rid of the hideous, medieval sex offender registry. But more generally, an advocate for families who are dealing with unethical CPS workers (a redundant description.)
Solipsism and narcissism to the hilt...as though sexual abuse is an event people don't normally "survive"...I think you have that mixed up with cancer.
There is a huge difference between surviving and thriving.
I was molested by an uncle at a young age. I survived - I am still breathing and I am alive. But it took me many years and a lot of work to thrive.
Many families do end up fractured beyond repair.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
