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Hello to anyone who reads this and thank you in advance for any who can help.
Im not a man who gets on forums or reaches out over the internet to strangers. I feel like I just dont know what to do or who I can talk to about this. I apologize in advance for bad punctuation or spelling also.
This weekend has been a weekend thats beat them all for me. Im a father of 2 from a previous marriage and remarried, my children live with their mother. It was my weekend to have custody of the kids and like I always have them do before dinner I had them go to their separate bathrooms and shower before dinner. My son 11 came to the kitchen first and asked to help with dinner. I told him it was almost finished and that he needed to go comb his hair. A few moments later my present wife went to go check on my daughter 8 to make sure she was about done in the shower, when she walked into the restroom she found my son there with his pants down rubbing him self on her from behind and it had appeared he had pulled my daughters pants down. The two were quickly separated and sent to their rooms. I was through the roof upset with my son! After making sure that my our daughter was physically fine we interrogated our son for the rest of the night about the situation and his actions. He was scared to say the least about the situation and apologetic which I know doesnt come close to making this ok but as I told him this situation is bigger than him being in trouble! I am scared for him.... why is he acting this way he.... he couldnt give me an answer certainly not one that would begin to explain this. He is aware of his actions and when asked what he was doing the best thing he could say was I was hugging her naked.... Im disgusted just writing this.
We made it through the weekend with no further incidences and it was for the most part a normal thanksgiving weekend. On Sunday evening the kids returned to their mothers house with her knowing of the situation. She told me that after they spoke a bit they would call me and we could all talk as one over the phone. later that evening I got a call and the conversation began and we mostly went over the things my son and I had already spoke about. A little ways into the conversation his mother told me that she had asked him if he was trying to make him self feel good by doing what he did, she said he replied no. Then her response to me was she thinks he trying to convince him self that he likes girls and ended the sentence by saying your son is gay..... then having him tell me the same. As a father having my 11 year old son tell me he is gay is I dont even know.... Id be lying if I said I wasnt in shock about it. I responded very neutral by saying that maybe but we are going to deal with one thing at a time and the situation between he and his sister come first.
My world has been turned upside down.
Ive already compiled a list of therapist and contacted some. I cant sleep, I dont know that anyone can help I feel I just need to to talk to someone else about this rather than keep it locked in my head.
Get your son to a therapist asap. That is learned behavior from something in his life and you need to find out what and put a stop to it immediately. He may be the victim of an abuser, or he may have got it from internet/tv. I hope, for everyone's sake, he just got it from schoolyard talk or (unlikely) just came up with it himself.
Get ready to bring cps and the police in, if it turns out to be an abuser. You need to carpet bomb the adults in that boy's life until somebody talks.
I hope that what your ex came up with is the truth, but it sounds like some crazy bs to me. The best case scenario is that your son is gay and came up with that himself.
Good luck, dude. You just walked into a ****storm. Its going to be tough, but I know you will sort it out for the sake of your kids.
I don't mean to be cold. This is such a huge issues. Is there a close friend or family member that you can call to talk to? A crisis line? Something. <snip>
Last edited by Miss Blue; 12-01-2015 at 04:49 PM..
Reason: Insulting other posters
Therapy is immediately needed- for both children and for the adults in the children's lives.
Your son learned this through internet porn, through what other kids talk about, seeing adults in his household doing similar acts or being abused himself or seeing his sister also abused.
Right now your son being gay or not has nothing to do with the situation. Even more disturbing is that your daughter was not yelling bloody murder but was accepting of what was happening.
Find a therapist and get yourself, the kids , your ex wife and any other adults that live with her or have frequent contact with the kids into therapy. If ex-wife and others won't go, I would suggest calling CPS.
To me it seems your wife is trying to deflect the actions by using the " gay" idea. Not a wise move IMO.
A good therapist will get through the layers of denial on the part of your wife, will gently peel back the thoughts of the children and find our what really is going on. What is discovered may be very ugly and may need police/legal intervention. Or it may be that child is imitating what he sees on the internet.
When I read it all I could think was perhaps the OP was just feeling very alone and was desperate to talk to someone. Even in that case...we aren't the right group for that. All we can say is get into a therapist today.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-01-2015 at 03:10 PM..
Reason: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).
Therapy ASAP for everyone, but until the first appointment I would sit him down and let him know that you accept him for whoever he is and that he should not try to deny his true self or be someone that he is not. If he is doing this to try and not be gay, knowing he is accepted by all his parents no matter what may be a huge relief.
Something similar happened in my extended family only the boy was 9 and the sister was 5 or so. Therapy for all. Everything turned out fine. The boy has grown up into a man who has learned to control his impulsive behavior that manifested in his childhood in many ways, not just sexual.
Mod cut.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 12-02-2015 at 09:23 AM..
Reason: Off-topic.
I wish it were bs but unfortunately its the truth. Ive contacted more therapist today to set up appointments but that is a slow process when it feels like everything else is happening so fast. I plan to be able to get both of them into see some one this week with the cooperation of their mother whom I would assume is on the same page as I am Id hate think anything less at this point. I am completely prepared to call in the authority's in this matter. Im concerned for my children and thats what kills me is the not knowing what the hell is going on. Its all just crazy... Thanks to all for the comments. It feels better just to have some sort of outlet during this.
As far as where I posted this honeslty I dont know where turn I was in a low and did a google search for parenting forum. I have never been one to turn to a web page or a forum for my problems. If this isnt in the right place Ill gladly delete it and be on my way
Last edited by dontknowwhattododad; 12-01-2015 at 10:47 AM..
Reason: needed to add something in
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