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Truth IS necessary. She IS too irresponsible to keep that job.
That's not "humiliation", that is factual.
She endangers the public, and could have cost the business owner his business, and/or the manager his job!
Whom did she harm?
The person who ate her spit? Perhaps.
But she also could have catastrophically harmed the business owner, and gotten the manager fired through her antics. She needs to admit to him that she is not responsible enough to work for him.
Admitting irresponsibility when one is 17 years old is not a lifetime indictment. It means that at that time, as a minor, she is not mature enough for the responsibility.
Letting the girl just call him up and mumble "Ha! Ha! I quit" is letting her get away with something.
You know good and well there are a half a dozen options other than her mumbling, "Ha ha I quit."
She and her mother have a heart-to-heart about the truth. The truth is told.
YOUR suggestion that she tell the guy, "I am too irresponsible ...," not to mention the idea that she would admit to a crime, goes too far and is a bit vengeful itself. It's the equivalent of making her write on the blackboard a thousand times or wearing a dunce cap.
Never send food back at a lower priced marginal chain place especially. If you must send food back, be super extra polite. If she didn't spit in this lady's food, someone else eventually would have.
Not sticking up for what your daughter did, but she is just a "dumb" (not that she's extra dumb, just all teens are dumb in general) teenager and I don't think she's destined for a lifetime of criminal activity, just from this incident.
I don't think grounding is that effective for behavioral changes at 17, but that's just me. I also don't think calling her manager would be good, because that could damper her chances of getting her next job. Not that she deserves the next job, but you are her mom. I'd talk to her, let her know how you feel and make her resign and find a job in retail or something instead. Explain to her how important schooling is so she doesn't have to deal with low end jobs her whole life. Just my $.02.
If you read the post it isn't one incident. It is an entire way of thinking, this idea that someone "wronged" you and you have to get them back. The other thing no one is mentioning is that she is 17, so a year or less until she is considered a legal adult and the system will throw her into a pen the next time she does something like this...or attacks someone...or buys a gun and shoots up a place, because someone slighted her...you get the point
Is your daughter less dear to you than some stranger who tried to insult her? Of course you should not. I wonder how that is even a question.
I agree with this. However, of course your daughter was wrong, and anyone who would do what she did has a screw loose. I doubt if this is something out of the blue. It sounds like she has an anger management problem that you had better deal with before she does something that will ruin her life.
Folks, if you ever wondered where career felons come from, this is the mindset of it.
I'm a former social worker, seen it many times.
Yes, "enabling" so both the mother and daughter need to attend counseling. If money is an issue, most cities have clinics where there is a sliding scale for fees based on ability to pay.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boris347
Exactly. And if not addressed, the next time may be even worse, and there will be a next time.
Yes, there will. There is always a chance that the friend will tell and it will get around. Who would hire anyone with such an attitude?
I am pretty shocked at the extreme responses here! Force her to quit? Therapy? She's headed down a troubled road? Ahahaha. I waited tables for four years and the customer the daughter waited on broke the rule "never be mean to people who handle your food !" Was the daughter wrong? Of course!! They were many people whose food I would have loved to spit on or stick a pube in, but I never did any such thing. Nightly you would hear talk of wait staff wanting to do disgusting things toModerator cut: delete customer's food. Did anyone ever do it? Not that I ever saw. The only thing I saw was a waitress dumping a bunch of salt into two customers to-go cups and they were really, really terrible to push her into acting.
OP, your daughter is 17, the right from wrong part of her brain is still developing. It's also her first job, she is learning. She is in the food service industry which is a whole different world. She probably has heard plenty of talk about people doing stuff to a customer's food, but may not have realized it's just "talk." I think you were wrong to barge in on her in the moment and that a rational sit-down talk would have been much more productive. She does not need to tell her boss, she doesn't deserve to be called out in such a humiliating way. Just sit her down and calmly explain to her why that it was a bad idea and that while it's okay to vent about frustrating customers, it's not okay to act out towards them. If she does it again after that, that is completely different, because now she us aware. THEN you can make her quit and tell her boss why, but for now it was just a one time mistake. Address it and move on.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 12-05-2015 at 04:28 PM..
Reason: deleted filtered word
As a single mom, you probably don't have time to be a jailer for your child. Her income might also be necessary, at least to pay for her extras.
I wouldn't call her manager. Just look up what kind of legal trouble she could get into, and let her know there could be consequences for her actions. I'm sure she's imitating what she's seen older coworkers do or videos on YouTube from disgruntled restaurant workers. It doesn't make it right, but once she realizes that it's not a joke and that there can be consequences, she'll probably stop.
Also, some kids don't tell the truth...she might have been lying to impress her friend, or telling a story about what she wished she had done rather to the rude customer.
I also would look up the penalties in your state. Also, look for newspaper articles about people going to jail and being fined for crimes like that.
If she has done similar types of things in the past to "get back at others" I would definitely get her into therapy.
While, I would not tell the manager, they may have an obligation to report the incident to the health department and the police. I would require that she quit the job. I would also NOT give her extra money to pay for her "extras" as she had to quit the job due to her extremely dangerous and inappropriate behavior.
PS. I bet that her friend has already told a few other friends who then told a few other friends. I would not be surprised if someone at the restaurant finds out about it.
You know good and well there are a half a dozen options other than her mumbling, "Ha ha I quit."
She and her mother have a heart-to-heart about the truth. The truth is told.
YOUR suggestion that she tell the guy, "I am too irresponsible ...," not to mention the idea that she would admit to a crime, goes too far and is a bit vengeful itself. It's the equivalent of making her write on the blackboard a thousand times or wearing a dunce cap.
She seriously endangered the business owner and business manager in their very livelihood!
She needs to admit to the man whose livelihood she endangered that she betrayed the trust he had placed in her.
Far from vengeful, I am letting her off easy by just letting her state some generic "I am not responsible enough to work at that job" rather than spelling out the truth.
Because the truth is far worse.
If she just admits being irresponsible, the manager might think, 'Oh, another kid whose grades are dropping' has to quit.' Or not doing their chores, or stayed out too late -- that type of generic teenage irresponsibility.
What if some kid steals a candy bar from a store?
Is a good parent going to march him back to the business and say, "I've been irresponsible" in general? Then let him eat the candy bar?
That's what's happening with the version you think is too extreme, and I posit is too mild.
She loses the job, but keeps a good job reference, with the truth of her dangerous proclivities hidden from potential future employers.
No, a good parent marches the kid back to the store and makes him tell the manager that he stole it, and here's the money to cover it!
She endangered the business manager's livelihood. She needs to admit to him that she has been too irresponsible to hold the job with which he entrusted her .
Her actions did not only endangered some rude customer.
Her actions endangered a whole business, and several peoples' livelihood.
The manager trusted her. She failed his trust. She needs to acknowledge that to him.
She needs to learn that the rude customer was not the only person impacted. That her wrongful actions have wide-ranging consequences for many.
I am pretty shocked at the extreme responses here! Force her to quit? Therapy? She's headed down a troubled road? Ahahaha. I waited tables for four years and the customer the daughter waited on broke the rule "never be mean to people who handle your food !" Was the daughter wrong? Of course!! They were many people whose food I would have loved to spit on or stick a pube in, but I never did any such thing. Nightly you would hear talk of wait staff wanting to do disgusting things to ******* customer's food. Did anyone ever do it? Not that I ever saw. The only thing I saw was a waitress dumping a bunch of salt into two customers to-go cups and they were really, really terrible to push her into acting.
OP, your daughter is 17, the right from wrong part of her brain is still developing. It's also her first job, she is learning. She is in the food service industry which is a whole different world. She probably has heard plenty of talk about people doing stuff to a customer's food, but may not have realized it's just "talk." I think you were wrong to barge in on her in the moment and that a rational sit-down talk would have been much more productive. She does not need to tell her boss, she doesn't deserve to be called out in such a humiliating way. Just sit her down and calmly explain to her why that it was a bad idea and that while it's okay to vent about frustrating customers, it's not okay to act out towards them. If she does it again after that, that is completely different, because now she us aware. THEN you can make her quit and tell her boss why, but for now it was just a one time mistake. Address it and move on.
Sorry, but this is probably bad advice. The issue is not so much that she did the thing (I think everyone knows how a lot of food service people are). It is the attitude about needing to get back someone who you feel wronged you. It doesn't matter if her brain is still developing because next March she is 18 and they will lock her up. Or who knows, maybe she will just pull a Sandy Hook on the restaurant.
OP, take the good advice of those who have suggested how to handle this problem. I don't need to repeat it but I will tell you what can happen if your daughter doesn't get help. This can be more than just a prank. You said when you overheard her talking to her friend she sounded furious. If she had been laughing maybe it wouldn't have put a chill down my spine but furious is another matter.
I know someone who always becomes enraged and is determined to "get even" when she feels someone does her wrong; real or imagined. I don't know where the anger comes from but she is very troubled. As she gets older, she gets worse. She is an adult in her forties and certainly should know better but she can't control herself. She has lost jobs and friends because of this. She has hurt people not physically as far as I know but emotionally and mentally because she can be very cruel. She will go on and on about how she is a victim of others when in reality she is her own worst enemy.
I no longer will have anything to do with her. I was only friends with her for about six months and I walked away. A former friend of hers has told me she has gotten worse over the years. This friend has walked away as well.
So maybe your daughter has some anger issues that need to be worked out. In any case, as a very long time customer service oriented person, I can tell you that if she has to deal with people, she has to have a change in attitude because she is going to have to deal with all types of people. If she can't she needs a job in which she doesn't have to deal with the Public.
I am pretty shocked at the extreme responses here! Force her to quit? Therapy? She's headed down a troubled road? Ahahaha. I waited tables for four years and the customer the daughter waited on broke the rule "never be mean to people who handle your food !" Was the daughter wrong? Of course!! They were many people whose food I would have loved to spit on or stick a pube in, but I never did any such thing. Nightly you would hear talk of wait staff wanting to do disgusting things to ******* customer's food. Did anyone ever do it? Not that I ever saw. The only thing I saw was a waitress dumping a bunch of salt into two customers to-go cups and they were really, really terrible to push her into acting.
OP, your daughter is 17, the right from wrong part of her brain is still developing. It's also her first job, she is learning. She is in the food service industry which is a whole different world. She probably has heard plenty of talk about people doing stuff to a customer's food, but may not have realized it's just "talk." I think you were wrong to barge in on her in the moment and that a rational sit-down talk would have been much more productive. She does not need to tell her boss, she doesn't deserve to be called out in such a humiliating way. Just sit her down and calmly explain to her why that it was a bad idea and that while it's okay to vent about frustrating customers, it's not okay to act out towards them. If she does it again after that, that is completely different, because now she us aware. THEN you can make her quit and tell her boss why, but for now it was just a one time mistake. Address it and move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by magicturtle
Sorry, but this is probably bad advice.
"Probably" bad advice? No question about it, it's terrible advice. No parent should ahahahah when their child commits a felony. Seriously?
Yes, sit her down, tell her she is in the wrong position for somebody who can't handle responsibility, and stay in place until she makes the call to her boss. Now, would I insist she implicate herself during the call? No, I don't think I would. The intentions are honorable, but fraught with possible repercussions.
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!" Was the daughter wrong? Of course!! They were many people whose food I would have loved to spit on or stick a pube in, but I never did any such thing. Nightly you would hear talk of wait staff wanting to do disgusting things toModerator cut: delete customer's food. Did anyone ever do it? Not that I ever saw. The only thing I saw was a waitress dumping a bunch of salt into two customers to-go cups and they were really, really terrible to push her into acting. 
