Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Me and my wife have 4 kids,ranging in age from 8 months to 9 years. Our oldest thinks we are "mean" because we KNOW she is smart,(this is backed up from testing at school AND her own school work among other things) and we expect her to do well,she at times is lazy and rushes through her homework getting simple things wrong....and then gets mad when we make her redo the wrong answers. I have explained MANY times that we know she wants to be a veterinarian and that we want to help her make that happen but that means getting into a habit of studying and doing good in school NOW. I also explained I never graduated HS,I got my GED and went to tech school,Their mother graduated high school and wants to attend college but hasn't yet at times they see us struggling with money and things like that and I want ALL of my kids to use the brains they were blessed with to get ahead in life because life isn't fair and won't take it easy on them. I hear it from the 9 year old the most,our 6 year old is starting to say the same thing. I came from a mother that was in college when I was a teen and never had time for me and shipped me off to my father and we were best buds....not what I needed as a teen...I was NEVER made to study or do good in school and he let me quit school. I see my mistakes,I KNOW I had the brains to do better but was lazy and I see my kids have the same brains as well but they take it for granted....should we let up? Or should we stay on this path that they will thank us down the road when they are successful adults?
I kind of know where you are coming from. Education was not a priority in my house and I didn't get guidance. It's hard to know how hard to push, and where to draw the line. And then where to let them sink or swim. I don't have great advice, but will be watching this thread.
And yes, of course my kids think I am mean at times. But I think the main question you have is about how hard you should push your daughter, correct?
My 6 year old says I'm mean when he doesn't get his way. My 11 and 9 year old have never said I was mean. The baby thinks I'm awesome, of course, until she doesn't get her way.
I think the OP is on the right track. The key thing to remember is that we are our kids' parents, not their friends. (Obviously, we want to have friendly relations with our kids. But that's not our primary purpose.) There is nothing wrong, and everything right, with parents insisting that their kids do their homework and correct whatever mistakes they make. And yes, this will sometimes make the old folks "mean" in the eyes of their little ones. So what?
When my kids complain about the standards we've set for them, we tell them that the middle-class creature comforts they enjoy did not come free; the money to buy them had to be earned at the professional-level jobs that my wife and I gained as a result of applying ourselves in school and doing well. Yes, I realize that this is completely beyond their conception; but since it's a message that I'll be pounding into them for years to come, might as well get started now.
It's important for kids to do well in school, but it's also important for them to have time to socialize, exercise, play, read for pleasure, and just be kids. If you're pushing your daughter to work so hard she doesn't have time for any of those things, she'll eventually burn out. It happened to me...my parents were always pushing harder, if I got an A, why wasn't it an A+, if I got a 100, why hadn't I asked the teacher if there was a way to get bonus points, etc. Nothing I did was good enough and it never stopped, so once I was old enough, I stopped doing any of it.
Some part of me thinks that if your kids don't think your mean at times, then you are not doing something right. I make my kids correct their incorrect answers. There is value in that learning wise.
I think kids use the "mean" statement as a manipulation tool also. It works on my husband but it doesn't on me. As for kid #2, s/he just just copies kid #1.
Some part of me thinks that if your kids don't think your mean at times, then you are not doing something right. I make my kids correct their incorrect answers. There is value in that learning wise.
I think kids use the "mean" statement as a manipulation tool also. It works on my husband but it doesn't on me. As for kid #2, s/he just just copies kid #1.
Don't give in on this on. Keep strong!
Agree! If you don't get called mean on occasion you aren't parenting properly. Along with an "I hate you!" from time to time when they really, really want something you won't allow.
You are an awesome father and you want your kids to succeed. They are lucky. My parents were sort of laissez faire, and I wish they were stricter. If I were you, I would err on the side of meanness. Your kids will thank you someday, like by buying you a house on the beach.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
