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Old 04-09-2008, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Kingman AZ
15,371 posts, read 33,893,543 times
Reputation: 8981

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My G'daughter [12 yo] decided that she wanted to move back in with her dad [no rules there]...she did and then ran away and dad called us to come control her. Cops were there etc etc etc ....g'daughter said that she got her advise from her counselor at school and that we[or her dad could NOT hit her].... I turned to the cop who said[and I quote] "Tell your 'guidence counselor' [insert sound of a snort of derision here] They can NOT break anything, or make you bleed....other then that....MIND HER OWN BUSINESS"...

I then instructed her to "Get the tramp clothes off" [she had run away to her mothers house [crack ho etc etc] She chose to ignore me....then the cop said "Your grandfather gave you an order....DO IT NOW"

She [and her dad] have now moved back into the house and despite a few rough weeks she has decided that Theft and disobedience are a thing of the past [for now]

Note: in the seven years we have had guardianship of her she has had 2 spankings.....but she is well aware that we are NOT afraid to "Lay on the hands" when necessary and that taking advise from her friends is not a good idea.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,604,423 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristyLiz View Post
I disagree, and will leave it at that.

As for hitting kids in publilc, I have seen it and the worst part I think is not even the hitting, but the humiliated look on the child's face - that has to sting worse than the actual slap.

No, it's not for me.
Oh, please! If the child is doing something bad in public, he/she deserves to be humiliated.

This is what's wrong with parents today. They're afraid to cause their children any negative thoughts, afraid to touch them, afraid to actually discipline them. And there's a big difference between a swat on the hand or butt and beating a child. One is abuse, one is disciplining a child to young to reason with.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,604,423 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
If a toddler reaches for something dangerous (stove, cash register, etc) and you swat their hand, you teach them that touching a stove equals pain.

So many people today believe in "babyproofing" their homes. They don't swat their child's hand away from drain cleaners or electrical outlets... they just take the child's exposure to those things away. A child learns that if they can get to it, it's okay. Then the child turns 3, mom leaves the DrainO on the counter while she empties the bucket and now her child's organs are mush. So she sues DrainO.

This is today's society. I kept my little ones away from things when I couldn't see them, but when I was free to watch them, they could get into cabinets... they learned EARLY not to, but each parent is different. I hosted a playgroup when my kids were little. I had a mom get very upset that I said "NO!" to my then 7 month old son very sternly when he reached for the electrical outlet. She was so upset that I didn't just cover the outlets. Her home was "Babyproof Central".

There are people who discipline too much and those that discipline too little. They use each other to justify their own actions. Swatting a hand in the moment is not abuse. Beating a child with a belt repeatedly - is. Not teaching your toddler what "NO" means or that wandering in the street is not okay, is negligence.

So many people seem concerned with "embarassing" their child... if your child is acting out in public, you should be embarassed (CHILD, not toddler). Throwing a tantrum in public may be "typical" behavior for a toddler, but if you don't deal with it now, they'll still be throwing tantrums at 7 or even 15.

Then you can blame "society" and the media though, right? It's not your fault... isn't that the mantra of today?
I think I just posted about the same thing and totally agree (reading the thread backwards). When I was a kid, there were no outlet protectors or cabinet locks, etc. I remember my mom caught me playing with a light socket and she spanked my hand and told me I'd get electrocuted and die if I did it again. I never did it again.

We have many young kids in our neighborhood and you can tell who spanks/disciplines and who doesn't. Those who don't have houses where all adult items (talking about anything breakable, nice books, nic-nacs, etc.) are all gone and toys are strewn throughout the house. Those who do discipline have normal looking homes.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,604,423 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeannie216 View Post
I think some people just post to get some kind of attention or a reaction. Don't let it bother you.
I know it sounds awful, but there might be some truth to it. Would an 18 month old understand if you disciplined him an hour after he did something wrong? Probably not.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Lake Forest, CA
269 posts, read 704,267 times
Reputation: 184
Just think about it this way. People stopped giving their children "spankings" in the 90's because of society's twisted views on "abuse" (therefore causing fear in parents to spank)...

It's now 2008 and all the teenagers these days are tagging up walls, walking the streets at night, partying up a storm and calling their parents "b*tches" to their face. Yeah. Lotta good "talking" to their children did. Then the parents cry and wonder what they did wrong. Well... for starters, your child's missed out on 18 years of *ss whoopins.

Now, the people in their 40's and above that DID get whoopins as children grew up to be quite good citizens correct...? So I'm thinking it's safe to assume talking WITH the occassional spanking works...

Call that mean if you want, but those same people that do think that spanking's "overboard" are the ones who are complaining about today's youth!
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Old 04-09-2008, 05:32 PM
 
Location: Tejas
7,507 posts, read 16,025,357 times
Reputation: 5035
Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post
I know it sounds awful, but there might be some truth to it. Would an 18 month old understand if you disciplined him an hour after he did something wrong? Probably not.
They certainly understand when you tap their hand and say "dangerous" or
"no" or whatever word you use. All I have to say is dangerous and my 18 month old stopped.
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Old 04-09-2008, 06:37 PM
 
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 36,382,993 times
Reputation: 5787
Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post
Oh, please! If the child is doing something bad in public, he/she deserves to be humiliated.

This is what's wrong with parents today. They're afraid to cause their children any negative thoughts, afraid to touch them, afraid to actually discipline them. And there's a big difference between a swat on the hand or butt and beating a child. One is abuse, one is disciplining a child to young to reason with.
Not this mom.

A few weeks ago my otherwise good and well behaved 13 yo daughter (just love the teen years ) acted up in a nice department store. She started talking back to me and pushed her little sister. I told her to stop and told both to leave the other alone. It didn't so I said, "let's go" and headed for the escalator. The oldest got mad again for no reason at me and the youngest. By this time I had enough as she was getting angry at me and I grabbed her by the arm tightly and led her down the escalator and out of the store all the while she is saying, "let go of me" and trying to scratch me. I never let go of her and go her out the door w/ others looking and not one person said an ill word nor gave me the evil eye. I removed a snotty nosed 13 yo from their establishment and a place they had gone to enjoy a shoppping experience. I walked her to the car and put her in it and we went home. I later was able to talk to her once she had cooled but there would have been NOTHING to gain by trying to talk to a child when they get in those moods. I did not beat her but she found out firsthand that mom will NOT tolerate bs from a child. This was the first time she had pulled this stunt and hopefully the last.

Where is this stuff coming from? I can tell you it is coming from the kids at school she is somewhat friends w/ whose parents let them do anything they want and don't get in trouble ever. She is starting to know realize that some of these kids are no good and only out to instigate drama and trouble. She doesn't care to be in trouble at home or school. She has seen that it doesn't work or in her best interest to associate w/ these kids w/ parents that are too concerned about being "friends" with their kids and their friends and don't want "rules" to make it hard. puke......... Sorry, I'm a parent to my children first and if they get humiliated for their actions then too bad maybe next time they will stop and think about it before they act like spoiled brat 2 year olds.
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Old 04-09-2008, 09:33 PM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 2,987,340 times
Reputation: 729
Quote:
Originally Posted by momof2dfw View Post
Not this mom.

Sorry, I'm a parent to my children first and if they get humiliated for their actions then too bad maybe next time they will stop and think about it before they act like spoiled brat 2 year olds.
WAY TO GO, MOM!!!

Thanks for removing your child! If I was there I would have smiled and gave you the thumbs up!!

I agree with you 100%. If they act like spoiled brats while in public, they should be embarassed. I'm not going to cause a scene or draw attention to us, but embarassment is a natural consequence for unattractive behavior!
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Old 04-10-2008, 09:56 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,413,282 times
Reputation: 45841
Well, I've noticed that there must be a Child Beating Zone in front of every Wal-Mart and KMart in America. Because almost every time I go to either store, some parent is out front giving his bratty child the whatfor.
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,604,423 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by momof2dfw View Post
Not this mom.

A few weeks ago my otherwise good and well behaved 13 yo daughter (just love the teen years ) acted up in a nice department store. She started talking back to me and pushed her little sister. I told her to stop and told both to leave the other alone. It didn't so I said, "let's go" and headed for the escalator. The oldest got mad again for no reason at me and the youngest. By this time I had enough as she was getting angry at me and I grabbed her by the arm tightly and led her down the escalator and out of the store all the while she is saying, "let go of me" and trying to scratch me. I never let go of her and go her out the door w/ others looking and not one person said an ill word nor gave me the evil eye. I removed a snotty nosed 13 yo from their establishment and a place they had gone to enjoy a shoppping experience. I walked her to the car and put her in it and we went home. I later was able to talk to her once she had cooled but there would have been NOTHING to gain by trying to talk to a child when they get in those moods. I did not beat her but she found out firsthand that mom will NOT tolerate bs from a child. This was the first time she had pulled this stunt and hopefully the last.

Where is this stuff coming from? I can tell you it is coming from the kids at school she is somewhat friends w/ whose parents let them do anything they want and don't get in trouble ever. She is starting to know realize that some of these kids are no good and only out to instigate drama and trouble. She doesn't care to be in trouble at home or school. She has seen that it doesn't work or in her best interest to associate w/ these kids w/ parents that are too concerned about being "friends" with their kids and their friends and don't want "rules" to make it hard. puke......... Sorry, I'm a parent to my children first and if they get humiliated for their actions then too bad maybe next time they will stop and think about it before they act like spoiled brat 2 year olds.
Good for you! No, I wouldn't try to spank a 13 year old, but removing forcefully sounds like the right move. I'm 40, kind of old for being a father to newborns, but maybe I'm of a different generation when it comes to parenting. I do worry that other "non-disciplined" kids will have a negative influence on my kids, but I guess that's something we'll have to deal with.

My thought is that I'm a parent and a mentor, not a friend to my kids. I cringe every time I hear parents referring to their little boys as "Buddy". Isn't that just telling your son that he's on an equal level with you?

Here's a funny book I recently read, "The Three-Martini Play Date: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting". The Three-Martini Playdate: A ... - Google Book Search

The author had me cracking up. Just take a look at the table of contents! Everything she says is basically what we, as parents, already agree with.
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