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Old 12-16-2015, 06:29 PM
 
15,294 posts, read 16,844,720 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FalconheadWest View Post
I haven't given up on my child. He has been given so many tools to use to learn to behave and to practice good behavior. He chooses not to care. Just yesterday, his classroom was brought his very own desk. Instead of seeing it as having his very own space, he threw the chair across the room and told everyone he hates them.

He's been given hulk punching gloves to pound at a pillow or the ground when he's angry. Instead, he has chosen to chew holes in them so they can't blow up anymore. He's been given stress balls so he can squeeze something as tight as he wants to help move the anger from his body to the balls, and he chooses to throw them across the room.

These are just an example of some of his tools. I've invested in many programs, my favorite is the Emotional ABC's, but he doesn't want to "pause and breath". The movie Inside Out was the only impact, but it only lasted a couple of weeks. The movie got to him and he understood that Anger needed to move away from the console, but after a couple of weeks, he has since chosen not to care...

I won't give up on him, as I will continue to try other things until something works, but he also doesn't get to be rewarded with presents when he's behaving poorly. I'm Jewish, so I don't really care about the Santa thing anyway. It's my husband's family who makes such a big deal about it.
I am assuming he sees a therapist who specializes in this disorder. Have you read The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene, PhD

or Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser?

These books help you transform your approach and in the process, the child often changes.
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Old 12-16-2015, 06:32 PM
 
Location: Austin
7,078 posts, read 16,898,623 times
Reputation: 9484
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
... because most of his behavior is offset by being very bright.
This is probably our biggest obstacle. He's "too smart". He's at a public school in the Pre-K program, but it's a paid program because Texas doesn't have Pre-K as part of their regular curriculum (except for ESL, Foster kids, Kids with Disabilities, and Military kids). They don't want to take care of kids until they're 5 by the age of Sept 1. Mine just turned 5 a couple of weeks ago.

With that, they've been having "fun" running tests on him and all they keep telling me is, "Yep, he's passed the Kinder tests." "Yep, he can do 1st grade stuff too..." He likes the attention, and thinks the entire office staff are his friends. We've tried to turn it around where he can visit the office when he's behaving properly, but that only worked for a few days.

The counselor and special ed teacher love him to death because they see him as a work in progress. Daily calls from the assistant principal are not fun. They let him sit in the Kinder class for small periods of time, but the administration has told them they can't do that very much because he's not legally their responsibility for Kinder yet, because of age.

All this, and it's not like this child doesn't know how to behave. He's been in school since 16 weeks old. When he was 3 1/2, he got a really bad teacher that was really mean directly to him, and all He!! broke loose. She didn't like that he was really smart and the youngest in the class. She felt he should have been kept back with the younger kids, but the school couldn't do that because he started the "I already know that..." at such a young age. I had to pull him out of that school a week before he turned 4 because it got really bad. Since then, the ODD has become apparent and he's defiant to all adults.

Anyway, too much info, but it is what it is.
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Old 12-16-2015, 07:10 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,498,767 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by FalconheadWest View Post
This is probably our biggest obstacle. He's "too smart". He's at a public school in the Pre-K program, but it's a paid program because Texas doesn't have Pre-K as part of their regular curriculum (except for ESL, Foster kids, Kids with Disabilities, and Military kids). They don't want to take care of kids until they're 5 by the age of Sept 1. Mine just turned 5 a couple of weeks ago.

With that, they've been having "fun" running tests on him and all they keep telling me is, "Yep, he's passed the Kinder tests." "Yep, he can do 1st grade stuff too..." He likes the attention, and thinks the entire office staff are his friends. We've tried to turn it around where he can visit the office when he's behaving properly, but that only worked for a few days.

The counselor and special ed teacher love him to death because they see him as a work in progress. Daily calls from the assistant principal are not fun. They let him sit in the Kinder class for small periods of time, but the administration has told them they can't do that very much because he's not legally their responsibility for Kinder yet, because of age.

All this, and it's not like this child doesn't know how to behave. He's been in school since 16 weeks old. When he was 3 1/2, he got a really bad teacher that was really mean directly to him, and all He!! broke loose. She didn't like that he was really smart and the youngest in the class. She felt he should have been kept back with the younger kids, but the school couldn't do that because he started the "I already know that..." at such a young age. I had to pull him out of that school a week before he turned 4 because it got really bad. Since then, the ODD has become apparent and he's defiant to all adults.

Anyway, too much info, but it is what it is.
I can relate in some ways. I bet if my son was in public school, he would be in the principals office a lot. We took him out and he is in a much more child centered school. Still I get emails fairly often about him not getting his work done or things like that. And one time his teacher even chased him out of the building trying to talk to him. He didn't want to hear it so he ran.

He has a late summer birthday and we didn't keep him back. He was fully reading at 4 years. Why keep him back? Finally when we switched him from public to private school in 3rd grade, we had him repeat 3rd. Elementary school was a new beast. They cared far more about test scores then about the child.

My son isn't directly "defiant". If you tell him to do something, he usually does it. But he is constantly questioning adults, and arguing. It's that smart factor. In his way, I think he is just trying to figure the world out.

We got referred to a doctor for genetic testing (he has some physical hallmarks of several genetic dirorders). The doctor told me my son is the type of kid who falls through the cracks in school. But would most improve with interventions they could offer...if they were willing. Different but very bright isn't an easy road. It might sound silly. But...it's our kids road, it looks like

Again, best of luck to you. If you ever want to chat or vent, DM me.
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Old 12-16-2015, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Log "cabin" west of Bangor
5,489 posts, read 6,430,519 times
Reputation: 9393
Quote:
Originally Posted by FalconheadWest View Post
He's been in school since 16 weeks old.
What??!! Are you serious?

That may be the problem right there. I think kids should be allowed to be just kids until they start 1st grade. No school before that. That's just crazy. No wonder he's messed up.
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Old 12-16-2015, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
5,749 posts, read 3,188,773 times
Reputation: 13516
I do Santa... That's why I am on his naughty list. Bwahahhahahaha!
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Old 12-16-2015, 08:50 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,498,767 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123 View Post
I do Santa... That's why I am on his naughty list. Bwahahhahahaha!

Funny. Not..
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Old 12-16-2015, 08:51 PM
 
Location: Austin
7,078 posts, read 16,898,623 times
Reputation: 9484
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zymer View Post
What??!! Are you serious?

That may be the problem right there. I think kids should be allowed to be just kids until they start 1st grade. No school before that. That's just crazy. No wonder he's messed up.
Are you kidding me? The kids who do daycare and preschool are the more well rounded kids as they learn how to interact with people sooner and have a better understanding of it. My daughter has been in school since 10 weeks old and she was just accepted to the GT program at her school. In Kinder, she tested out of 2nd grade. We did not advance her, but I think she should have gone to at least 1st grade, but my husband was against it. She's been twiddling her thumbs ever since.

My "problem" son has been reading since he barely turned 4 years old. He did it on his own. I didn't push it. Kids who are exposed to learning early tend to like learning and enjoy the knowledge. Kids who don't go to school until Kinder or 1st are way behind the other kids and play catch up for years. Believe me, I was one of the parents who the teacher would call to come into the classroom and help the other kids catch up and while there I would then watch my daughter roll her eyes from across the room as I worked with these other kids. And the constant, "Can you believe So and So doesn't know this and that."

Total disservice to your kids to not expose them to learning. There's a big difference between letting them being a kid with playing, and not teaching them that it's fun to learn.
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Old 12-16-2015, 11:26 PM
 
27,993 posts, read 19,657,034 times
Reputation: 16471
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatUsernameIsTaken View Post
I would only do it if they were really bad. I mean like hurting people/being violent, lying and trying to screw people over, but I don't know how often that happens with kids, I'm kind of thinking of one particular psycho kid I know of when I think of this.
At that point, I'd stop worrying about Santa and get my kid some help.
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Old 12-16-2015, 11:27 PM
 
27,993 posts, read 19,657,034 times
Reputation: 16471
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohhwanderlust View Post
I won't lie, I might be tempted to tease them about it. Just to watch them freak out.

I have to learn to curb my trolly instincts before I have kids. lol
Nah. LOL I troll my kids from time to time.
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Old 12-16-2015, 11:42 PM
 
Location: WI
2,820 posts, read 3,064,288 times
Reputation: 4815
Of course not. What an odd way to coerce children into behaving. We've never made a big deal out of the whole "naughty or nice" thing because Christmas in our home, and the gift-giving that comes with it, is about love and grace, certainly not a way to manipulate children and get them to behave! That violates the spirit of holiday, in my opinion.
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