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Old 12-17-2015, 10:31 AM
 
38 posts, read 19,890 times
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No, because it wouldn't work. You won't have any leverage past Dec 25.

And to be honest I don't think anyone actually follows through with no gifts and coal in the stocking etc. threatening discipline that is not feasible and cannot be followed through with is a big mistake as kids figure out that the parents are only bluffing and misbehavior subsequently increases
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Old 12-17-2015, 10:36 AM
 
15,208 posts, read 16,093,041 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I never did that but I do know a family where the parents told the daughter when she was about 4 that she was naughty so Santa wasn't going to bring her any presents. And he didn't. She got a few gifts from her parents and others but nothing from Santa because she was bad. They did many other bizarre and mean things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61 View Post
This is abuse of a child causing deep shame the youngster will internalize for life. It affects self-esteem to such a degree that the child does not mature mentally past the time the shame first took place.
Sorry to quote my own post, but in the family I'm talking about, this seemed to be what happened. The little girl in the family was constantly told she was bad. The little boy could do no wrong. Anyone want to guess how the little girl acted on the first day of first grade? She was "bad" of course. She got under her desk and wouldn't come out. She got sent to the office and her parents were called. Then the acquaintances of the family (like me) got hear all about how bad she was at school. I no longer have contact with the family but I know the little girl was later moved to a small parochial school.

And yes, when it got close to Christmas I did tell my daughter that Santa was watching when she was at the age she believed and she needed to behave. It was never a real threat and I never considered that Santa wouldn't come. To the contrary, she always made out like the only-child princess she is at Christmas. I just considered it a cultural rite of passage, for lack of a better phrase.
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Old 12-17-2015, 11:01 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,732,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FalconheadWest View Post
My son was 4. He had a horrible year. He was upset that he was on the naughty list, but the video was given to him 3 weeks before Christmas so he could better himself. We even took him to a therapist to figure out why he acts the way he does. He did not choose to better himself. He sat next to me while I called the 800 number they had (not sure if there is a number this year) and I left a message to not even bother stopping by our house.

Santa left a message on the mantel saying he got my message but thought the kids deserved one last chance but that he would NOT come the next year if they didn't straighten out. My son is now 5 and my daughter is 8 and they've been horrible!! All they do is constantly fight, and worse than regular sibling fights. My son is in the principal's office almost daily, at 5 years old!!

Santa is probably not visiting our house this year, and if he does, it will be for my daughter since she can at least control herself at school. My son will deal with it. He's 5, so it's not like it needs much explaining.

And before anyone gets all snotty saying I'm mean and he's "only 5", you don't have a child like mine. Look up what ODD is. Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Read all about it and how there is nothing that can correct it beyond what we're doing to help him. He continues to defy everyone trying to help him, and it's just going to be a waiting game for him to get older and make the decision to choose to be better. It is NOT ok for a 5 year old to hit and kick his parents and call them such hateful (sometimes made-up, but the sentiment of hate is there) words.

He's a CHILD, and he can't help what he does. Poor kid. There should be no Santa at your house at all then, because the more you press upon the child that he is bad, the more he is going to stay bad, because that's the only way he can get attention. If anyone needs therapy, it's YOU.
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Old 12-17-2015, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
41,192 posts, read 32,863,519 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
That's why this post was directed at people who did do the Santa tradition.
We did the Santa tradition though - we just never told our kids that it was TRUE. We made a fun time out of all of it, even going so far as to leave milk and cookies out for "Santa" and leaving food out for reindeer as well, and even going outside their windows at night and ringing little bells as if reindeer were out there.

Our point was to have fun with it - and to make them wonder just a little bit "Is it REALLY just a story, or could it possibly be true?" But we never told them it was true - we always told them it was just a fun story, rooted in lots of different traditions worldwide. (For the record, we also take kids on fairy hunts looking for evidence of fairies - we have never told them that fairies are real either - just having fun with it but leaving enough room for their imaginations to run free.)

And we never used the "naughty list" as any sort of disciplinary tool.

My youngest daughter, for some reason unbeknownst to me, has fostered the belief that Santa is a real guy who really does come to every house bringing gifts. Now her kids are growing into school age and she's worried about them finding out Santa isn't real. WHAT THE HECK? Why set kids up for that sort of drama? Now I know some people will say it doesn't bother them, and it doesn't bother some kids, from what I have observed, but it does really disappoint some kids, and personally I'd rather skip all that brouhaha and just have fun with the fictional story from the get go, while sharing Santa traditions from around the world with kids and grandkids.

I've found that families can "do Santa" without leading kids to believe that a naughty list, or a fat guy in a red suit actually coming to each house are FOR REAL. Like I've said, we've always "done Santa" in a pretty elaborate way - just not a misleading or possibly hurtful way.

But hey, that's just me.
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Old 12-17-2015, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,322 posts, read 37,918,871 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kingtutmummy View Post
No, because it wouldn't work. You won't have any leverage past Dec 25.
Correct.

Besides, once a kid is on the naughty list, what incentive does he have to "better himself," as if a 5-year-old can understand THAT concept. His year is already shot, so why even bother being good?

And "calling Santa" right in front of the kid to put him on the naughty list??? That's just ... masochistic.
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Old 12-17-2015, 12:00 PM
Status: "Soon I'll hear old winter's song.." (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: Saint Paul, MN
5,405 posts, read 2,872,214 times
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I don't have kids, hopefully will one day, but definitely doing Santa. I WOULD say that, if they have been behaving horrendously, but I will always let them know that they can get off the list by being good. I believe in redemption and think it's good to encourage children to own up to wrongdoings and improve their behaviour.
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Old 12-17-2015, 12:37 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,524,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
We did the Santa tradition though - we just never told our kids that it was TRUE. We made a fun time out of all of it, even going so far as to leave milk and cookies out for "Santa" and leaving food out for reindeer as well, and even going outside their windows at night and ringing little bells as if reindeer were out there.

Our point was to have fun with it - and to make them wonder just a little bit "Is it REALLY just a story, or could it possibly be true?" But we never told them it was true - we always told them it was just a fun story, rooted in lots of different traditions worldwide. (For the record, we also take kids on fairy hunts looking for evidence of fairies - we have never told them that fairies are real either - just having fun with it but leaving enough room for their imaginations to run free.)

And we never used the "naughty list" as any sort of disciplinary tool.

My youngest daughter, for some reason unbeknownst to me, has fostered the belief that Santa is a real guy who really does come to every house bringing gifts. Now her kids are growing into school age and she's worried about them finding out Santa isn't real. WHAT THE HECK? Why set kids up for that sort of drama? Now I know some people will say it doesn't bother them, and it doesn't bother some kids, from what I have observed, but it does really disappoint some kids, and personally I'd rather skip all that brouhaha and just have fun with the fictional story from the get go, while sharing Santa traditions from around the world with kids and grandkids.

I've found that families can "do Santa" without leading kids to believe that a naughty list, or a fat guy in a red suit actually coming to each house are FOR REAL. Like I've said, we've always "done Santa" in a pretty elaborate way - just not a misleading or possibly hurtful way.

But hey, that's just me.
I didn't purposefully teach them Santa was real. I'm not even sure how it happened. We did the usual Santa things but I didn't make a big deal about it. A gift and stocking, cookies, milk, going to see Santa at the mall or the video (I do one or the other each year). When they asked a question, I'd ask one back. There was never a "right time" to tell them he was fake. By the time they started elementary school I learned they were "locked in" and truly believed.

I was on the fence. My parents did the same as you. It was "Santa". Not a real guy, just for fun. But I felt like I missed out as a kid. Just missed the window where kids believe in magic. Of course, there were other things too...they didn't really let us be kids in lots of ways. So it was just part (and a tiny part) of that scope.

I'm not looking forward to when my son figures it out. He is a super smart guy, very science and facts based. Doesn't believe in magic. But loves Santa and believes he is magic. You should have seen how big his eyes got when he was watching his Santa video. He said "I see they have gotten some new technology since last year". So cute!

This is the first year we have even talked about "the list" at all. The video has always included the list but it wasn't something that got brought up otherwise. But one day last month my son had a rough day and got in trouble a couple times. He went and slumped on the couch and started balling saying he was afraid he would be on Santa's naughty list. I told him I thought Santa looked at overall behavior and if the good traits over shadow the bad traits and I was almost positive that he is not nearly a "bad kid".
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Old 12-17-2015, 12:42 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,524,223 times
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Also, we are religious and I never taught them about Jesus but one holiday at preschool (it was a Christian preschool, but they weren't heavily Christian. I couldn't find one that was appropriate that wasn't affiliated with a church or religion) they both now believe in Jesus and the story of the first Christmas. My daughter especially believes in God. I pretty much stay on the fence with that one. I have talked more with them as they got older that there are lots of ways people believe in God, religion, death, etc. And they are all ok, faith is individual and that's how it should be. They have taken that to heart.

Maybe my kids are gullible? But believing in Santa and Jesus and God tend to make them pretty happy...so I leave it be for now.
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Old 12-17-2015, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Finland
6,319 posts, read 5,244,964 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Also, we are religious and I never taught them about Jesus but one holiday at preschool (it was a Christian preschool, but they weren't heavily Christian. I couldn't find one that was appropriate that wasn't affiliated with a church or religion) they both now believe in Jesus and the story of the first Christmas. My daughter especially believes in God. I pretty much stay on the fence with that one. I have talked more with them as they got older that there are lots of ways people believe in God, religion, death, etc. And they are all ok, faith is individual and that's how it should be. They have taken that to heart.

Maybe my kids are gullible? But believing in Santa and Jesus and God tend to make them pretty happy...so I leave it be for now.
I'm not religious, kinda go out of my way to keep my kid away from religious influences (e.g. I opted her out of Holy classes at daycare) but today I let her go to the daycare Christmas church service (because I didn't want her feeling left out and its such a cultural thing) and she came back telling me she heard the story of Baby Jesus and its her best story ever and she wishes we had that story at home... kids get sucked into that pretty easy it seems.
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Old 12-17-2015, 04:28 PM
 
Location: South Florida
1,007 posts, read 815,518 times
Reputation: 1555
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Besides, once a kid is on the naughty list, what incentive does he have to "better himself," as if a 5-year-old can understand THAT concept. His year is already shot, so why even bother being good?
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