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Old 12-16-2015, 09:17 PM
 
Location: Texas
3,693 posts, read 2,835,177 times
Reputation: 6079

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I was the room parent for my daughter's class in Kindergarten. Per PTA suggestion, I collected $30-40 per family at the beginning of the year. I think out of 24 families, all but 2-3 contributed. It didn't just cover the Christmas gifts, it covered everything for the entire year (Holiday and End of School gifts for the teacher and para and several parties).

I collected checks from everyone and deposited them in my own account, and then proceeded to handle all the gift purchases and reimburse any expenses other parents had for parties they had volunteered to coordinate. What I recall is that very few of the parents ever asked me for reimbursement, and at least half of the families also bought their own gifts for the teachers in addition to the class gift.

This was the common practice in the school.
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Old 12-16-2015, 10:01 PM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,787,452 times
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Op, you've written about two separate issues. To answer your topic question, yes, I would buy a gift for a teacher I didn't like, because I wouldn't let my personal feelings overshadow my child's relationship with her. And kids love bringing in gifts for their teachers.

The other issue would cause me more angst, actually. Collecting $25 per student, assuming a class of 16, is $400. I think that's an excessive amount to spend on a teacher gift. I'd be more comfortable with $10-$15, because that's the price range I would probably spend on my own anyway. But, given that you are also asking about buying a gift for the assistant, then perhaps the $25 might end up saving you money. I would call the mother who is doing the collecting, and find out if the money will be used to buy gifts for both teachers. If the answer is yes, I'd pay, and cross another gift off the to-do list.
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Old 12-16-2015, 10:02 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
11,042 posts, read 11,455,634 times
Reputation: 17204
I don't even give Christmas gifts to my immediate family. Giving an expensive gift to someone who doesn't even work for you is insane.

Teachers get paid vacations. I once gave a paid Christmas to two carpenters who were remodeling my house. They were well into their 30s and said it was the first paid holiday they had ever had. They did great work. I spent years doing remodel work, so when I say they were good they were really good.
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Old 12-16-2015, 10:03 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,568 posts, read 21,748,544 times
Reputation: 44332
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me 82 View Post
Yes? No? If you truly feel like this person is just a crappy teacher and she/he has been rude to you in the past and your child, do you look past it and give a gift bc it's the "season of giving"? Do it bc you don't want your child to know you don't like their teacher.


DD is in Pre-K. I got sent home a letter asking for $25 per student for a class collection for a gift. No clue who this mother is either. I'm really not a fan of class collections to begin with and when DH saw this, he said he did not want to contribute and I sort of feel the same way. After a particular incident last week, I even thought for a minute of not buying her anything, let alone contributing the $25. The assistant teacher, who is nice and does more for DD then I've seen the teacher do, is sick and has been out for weeks, so not sure when or if I can give her a gift. And it was going to be something small, like some candy. Last year dd's school had the most caring, nurturing staff around. I didn't think twice about not gifting them for XMas and end of the year. I did for both and wrote a nice hand written note both to the teacher, assistant and director. This school and teacher is the COMPLETE opposite.

So WWYD? Contribute to collection? Don't contribute and give a cheap/small gift? Or bc you think she's crappy, give nothing? What do I do about the assistant since she won't even be there.

No. When my children were in elementary school, I refused to participate in these collections arranged by high pressure "class mom" types.

If my child and I were impressed with the teacher, we gave a gift. On our OWN. If not, no gift was warranted.

Do not feel bullied.

We do like to give something to a poor family, a homeless shelter or another charity.
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Old 12-16-2015, 10:53 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 8,754,839 times
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IMO, $ 25 per child is far too much money for a gift, even if the gift is for the teacher and the aide.

I would decline to contribute. Since you don't like the teacher give a card if you like, or a small gift and a card.
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Old 12-17-2015, 12:14 AM
 
Location: Finland
6,319 posts, read 5,221,841 times
Reputation: 10153
$25?! No way! If your kid wants to give a present, let them choose something cheap but otherwise just give a card if people are expected to give something. Glad my kid's teachers don't seem to expect presents.
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Old 12-17-2015, 12:55 AM
 
4,586 posts, read 4,409,442 times
Reputation: 4333
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me 82 View Post
Yes? No? If you truly feel like this person is just a crappy teacher and she/he has been rude to you in the past and your child, do you look past it and give a gift bc it's the "season of giving"? Do it bc you don't want your child to know you don't like their teacher.


DD is in Pre-K. I got sent home a letter asking for $25 per student for a class collection for a gift. No clue who this mother is either. I'm really not a fan of class collections to begin with and when DH saw this, he said he did not want to contribute and I sort of feel the same way. After a particular incident last week, I even thought for a minute of not buying her anything, let alone contributing the $25. The assistant teacher, who is nice and does more for DD then I've seen the teacher do, is sick and has been out for weeks, so not sure when or if I can give her a gift. And it was going to be something small, like some candy. Last year dd's school had the most caring, nurturing staff around. I didn't think twice about not gifting them for XMas and end of the year. I did for both and wrote a nice hand written note both to the teacher, assistant and director. This school and teacher is the COMPLETE opposite.

So WWYD? Contribute to collection? Don't contribute and give a cheap/small gift? Or bc you think she's crappy, give nothing? What do I do about the assistant since she won't even be there.
$25 is ridiculous!

And NO!

You should see the lists I got from teachers I haven't even met! (they're not my kids direct teachers).
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Old 12-17-2015, 06:53 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,489,790 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
I am a teacher. Please don't buy us gifts. Thanks.
My kids love to buy their teachers gifts. What's the problem with it?
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Old 12-17-2015, 07:25 AM
 
Location: Texas
597 posts, read 475,186 times
Reputation: 1810
To be honest, it doesn't matter. The teacher won't care unless she is an extremely entitled petty person. I agree with the other teacher who posted no gifts. I taught 7th grade for 2 years at a very prestigious private school. Almost all of them gave me gifts for christmas, valentine's day, easter and end of year. I don't remember who gave what or who didn't give.

As teachers, we understand that a lot of these gifts are given because of pressure or just plain out of some sense of duty. Although I truly appreciated each and every gift that I received, I just found it uncomfortable and laborious writing 90 thank you notes and keeping track of everything. And because I didn't want those few kids who didn't give to feel badly, I *mailed* out every thank you note and did not hand them out in class.

At the end of the day, teachers generally don't care about the gifts. I know some do but they are the few. When I didn't receive a gift from a student, I never took it as a slight.

If you really want to "gift" a teacher, any good teacher will tell you that the best gifts are hand written notes by either the parent or student. I still have a big box in my office with every note that I have received.
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Old 12-17-2015, 07:36 AM
 
Location: Littleton, CO
3,108 posts, read 4,660,177 times
Reputation: 5389
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
Teachers get paid vacations. I once gave a paid Christmas to two carpenters who were remodeling my house. They were well into their 30s and said it was the first paid holiday they had ever had. They did great work. I spent years doing remodel work, so when I say they were good they were really good.
This is a common misconception that I would like to set straight. We DO NOT get paid vacations. We get paid only for the days we work, and then that money is taken and divided into 12 equal payments and paid monthly.

If I get fired, resign, or retire at the end of the year in June, I am still going to collect a paycheck for the next couple of months. Why? Because I am collecting money owed to me for completing my contract which ended in June. If I were getting a "paid vacation," I wouldn't be able to collect any money once I left.

Those carpenters knew they weren't going to be able to work on Christmas and so they adjusted their prices accordingly so they would have money to cover the lost day of work. Well instead of teachers doing that, the district does that for us.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayerdu View Post
To be honest, it doesn't matter. The teacher won't care unless she is an extremely entitled petty person. I agree with the other teacher who posted no gifts. I taught 7th grade for 2 years at a very prestigious private school. Almost all of them gave me gifts for christmas, valentine's day, easter and end of year. I don't remember who gave what or who didn't give.

As teachers, we understand that a lot of these gifts are given because of pressure or just plain out of some sense of duty. Although I truly appreciated each and every gift that I received, I just found it uncomfortable and laborious writing 90 thank you notes and keeping track of everything. And because I didn't want those few kids who didn't give to feel badly, I *mailed* out every thank you note and did not hand them out in class.

At the end of the day, teachers generally don't care about the gifts. I know some do but they are the few. When I didn't receive a gift from a student, I never took it as a slight.

If you really want to "gift" a teacher, any good teacher will tell you that the best gifts are hand written notes by either the parent or student. I still have a big box in my office with every note that I have received.
Gifts are appreciated, but never expected. I keep all my notes too.

The only "slight" I feel is when I spend a couple of hours writing a letter of recommendation for a student and I don't get a thank you note. I don't care if I don't get a present, but when someone goes out of their way to help you reach a goal, a thank you note is warranted. And, no, writing letters of recommendation is not considered a part of my job (just as it is not your boss' job to write you a letter of recommendation when you ask.)
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