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Old 12-20-2015, 11:02 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,862 posts, read 18,892,348 times
Reputation: 25111

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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Hispanic?

We ran into that a lot. But more so, he was just a very lovely little guy. I was told more then once he strongly resembled saints that were worshiped. He is Mayan, so I'm sure that is where that came from. His features are very, very Mayan.

People wanted to hold him, touch him, bless him and...seriously, even ask him for advice or fortunes.

I was too lax and as a direct result, he is very standoffish with strangers. I wish I had done better.

My daughter is also Hispanic. Very pretty. But no one seemed to treat her that way. She was nearly invisible.
My husband is Hispanic, I am not. We live in an area that is primarily Hispanic.

My oldest was a very fat baby with a ton of curly hair and really long eyelashes. Her sister was skinny and usually pretty red in the face. Ironically, now my oldest looks fairly plain and her younger sister is the cuter one.

I could never stand people wanting to pray over my babies...my dad is schizophrenic and for years he thought he had the power to bless us and that we'd die if we left his house without getting his blessing. All the people who would come up and want to say a prayer over the baby just seem as flat out nutty as my dad, to me. I never did figure out a way to politely refuse, though.
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Old 12-20-2015, 11:03 PM
 
20 posts, read 13,369 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
We had that issue with my oldest, everyone wanted to touch her. Where I live it's because of the superstition about the evil eye, that if you admire a baby, you have to touch the baby to keep it safe from the evil eye. It's easier with a winter baby because you can keep them mostly covered up.
See, there's quite a difference between simply wanting to socialize with a baby vs. something like that. Sorry no offense intended
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Old 12-20-2015, 11:04 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,862 posts, read 18,892,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABCBLUE View Post
To clarify, I didn't mean selfish as in selfish towards the person wanting to hold your baby, I meant selfish as in teaching your child to be afraid of everything/one. For instance, my mom always talks about how I was afraid of bubble gum as a toddler. So what did she do? She blew bubbles and let me pop them. At first of course I flipped, but after a few times I got used to it and stopped fearing something so irrational. Just like when I worked as a character mascot, the kids who's parents validated their fear of the giant monkey remained afraid. The one's who were brought up to me got over it pretty quickly.

PS The church lady was just an example of a bigger issue.
My daughter had a nut and seed phobia when she was younger. My mom thought the way to cure her of it was to feed her foods with seeds or nuts hidden in them every chance she got. After the 7th or 8th time my daughter vomited because of it (usually in my mom's car, which is what she deserved), my mom quit trying to force her to get over it.
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Old 12-20-2015, 11:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
My daughter had a nut and seed phobia when she was younger. My mom thought the way to cure her of it was to feed her foods with seeds or nuts hidden in them every chance she got. After the 7th or 8th time my daughter vomited because of it (usually in my mom's car, which is what she deserved), my mom quit trying to force her to get over it.

Not enjoying the taste of a food is quite different from a phobia.
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Old 12-20-2015, 11:12 PM
 
483 posts, read 419,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABCBLUE View Post
To clarify, I didn't mean selfish as in selfish towards the person wanting to hold your baby, I meant selfish as in teaching your child to be afraid of everything/one. For instance, my mom always talks about how I was afraid of bubble gum as a toddler. So what did she do? She blew bubbles and let me pop them. At first of course I flipped, but after a few times I got used to it and stopped fearing something so irrational. Just like when I worked as a character mascot, the kids who's parents validated their fear of the giant monkey remained afraid. The one's who were brought up to me got over it pretty quickly.

PS The church lady was just an example of a bigger issue.

You want to teach a young child to *not* be leery of strangers? That's absurd.
You don't want your kid to just go off with anyone. It is completely rational to be leery, even afraid, of people you don't know. Do you as an adult just go up to rando's in bars or on the street and hug them? No, you nod, maybe a smile and that's it.
Anyone, child or adult, should not be forced to be physical with people they don't know.

Young children are perfectly reasonable being leery of strangers, even of relatives they don't see often. As they grow older they will have ample chances to be around; coaches, friends parents, different teachers etc.
No need to force it.

There is a ton of literature on how forcing uncomfortable things(food, experiences etc) can actually have the opposite affect on a child and they will be become more fearful. This is very common with food aversions.
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Old 12-20-2015, 11:20 PM
 
20 posts, read 13,369 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaelti12 View Post
You want to teach a young child to *not* be leery of strangers? That's absurd.
You don't want your kid to just go off with anyone. It is completely rational to be leery, even afraid, of people you don't know. Do you as an adult just go up to rando's in bars or on the street and hug them? No, you nod, maybe a smile and that's it.
Anyone, child or adult, should not be forced to be physical with people they don't know.

Young children are perfectly reasonable being leery of strangers, even of relatives they don't see often. As they grow older they will have ample chances to be around; coaches, friends parents, different teachers etc.
No need to force it.

There is a ton of literature on how forcing uncomfortable things(food, experiences etc) can actually have the opposite affect on a child and they will be become more fearful. This is very common with food aversions.
I never used the word strangers. If you have to work (as I will, as a single parent)how do you expect to leave your child with grandma if youre the only person he should trust?

On another note, you teach them not to GO with strangers. If the cashier smiles at your toddler and he runs away, it teaches him not to be social.
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Old 12-20-2015, 11:31 PM
 
483 posts, read 419,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABCBLUE View Post
I never used the word strangers. If you have to work (as I will, as a single parent)how do you expect to leave your child with grandma if youre the only person he should trust?

On another note, you teach them not to GO with strangers. If the cashier smiles at your toddler and he runs away, it teaches him not to be social.

Karma will get you. Some kids are always going to be shy and fearful of people other than family and their teachers.
My little brother was that way, he's fine now.

What are you going to do when no matter what you try, your kid still resists being social at a young age?
Kids learn by your example. Handing them over to the lady at church doesn't teach them to be confident, you, as a parent, saying hi and striking up conversation will. Young children learn what they see.
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Old 12-20-2015, 11:50 PM
 
20 posts, read 13,369 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaelti12 View Post
Karma will get you. Some kids are always going to be shy and fearful of people other than family and their teachers.
My little brother was that way, he's fine now.

What are you going to do when no matter what you try, your kid still resists being social at a young age?
Kids learn by your example. Handing them over to the lady at church doesn't teach them to be confident, you, as a parent, saying hi and striking up conversation will. Young children learn what they see.
Karma? Yeeaah because it's so horrible to socialize your child. Heck when I was 4 or 5 my older sister took me to the mall with her friends all the time. It made me feel grown up hanging out with junior high girls. None of them were bad infleunces. Had they been, my mom wouldn't have allowed it.

If its someone YOU trust (and if she didnt trust me-fair enough) whats wrong with letting them hold your baby? This uber coddling stuff only started recently. Before that kids were fine too-shy maybe still-but they weren't isolated.
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Old 12-21-2015, 03:35 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,081 posts, read 3,064,397 times
Reputation: 8605
Many people are perfect parents before their babies are born. Don't worry; it's normal. You'll see how it is once you have your little one. Congratulations on your pregnancy!
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Old 12-21-2015, 04:56 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,060 posts, read 37,695,377 times
Reputation: 73696
It doesn't have to be about her being controlling or making her baby fearful of strangers.

She was busy and didn't need the distraction of watching you hold her baby. If the baby was lying there peacefully, she probably didn't want to risk him getting upset in the transition while she was changing and right before he was supposed to be in a play.

You asked, "Do you mind ... ?" And she answered honestly. Why extrapolate it into a whole rant about coddled children?
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