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Old 12-22-2015, 05:04 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,492,743 times
Reputation: 23714

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Funny since I was in daycare and had a variety of babysitters from the time I was a month old until I was in pre-school. I was ALWAYS SHY. I did have stranger anxiety. I just didn't speak to those I didn't know. I actually spent very little time with my mother when I was a baby. And she was physically abusive so not sure how much a safe haven my mother was! And I'm STILL very shy even in my 40's. I still don't really speak to people I don't know. I'm not anxious or anything. I just don't speak to people I don't know unless they speak to me first or we're introduced by someone and we have something in common. I know many people who are shy and somehow we all managed to survive into adulthood and have jobs! The world didn't end!
You make a good point. I strongly believe comfort with strangers has quite a bit to do to your attachment to your primary caregivers. It isn't the whole picture. But if people research attachment and attachment disorders, they will understand.

If the op wants her child to be social, it's best to foster a strong bond with them. Which includes understanding your baby's cues and respecting them as individuals and humans, separate from yourself. Basically, pay attention and respect their boundaries.

OP do you also plan on forcing your child to hug or kiss relatives?

You might want to rethink your parenting plans. A baby is a human being, not a toy that ought to be passed around and shared at the delight of others.

My son loves babies. He is 10. He goes up and asks to hold babies quite often in social situations. Some parents say no, some say yes. He doesn't bat an eye. He certainly doesn't come away and think the mom is bad or selfish.
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Old 12-22-2015, 05:26 PM
 
10,391 posts, read 7,472,821 times
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OP, I think the original "church lady" issue might have had to do with the fact they were about to "perform" and she wasn't sure how her baby was going to react to you. At the moment the baby was calm, a good way to be for the nativity. Catch her in the nursery during Sunday school and it might be another story.

I was very protective over my boys but welcomed interaction from my friends at church.
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Old 12-22-2015, 06:39 PM
 
2,442 posts, read 1,796,460 times
Reputation: 4644
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
You make a good point. I strongly believe comfort with strangers has quite a bit to do to your attachment to your primary caregivers. It isn't the whole picture. But if people research attachment and attachment disorders, they will understand.

If the op wants her child to be social, it's best to foster a strong bond with them. Which includes understanding your baby's cues and respecting them as individuals and humans, separate from yourself. Basically, pay attention and respect their boundaries.

OP do you also plan on forcing your child to hug or kiss relatives?

You might want to rethink your parenting plans. A baby is a human being, not a toy that ought to be passed around and shared at the delight of others.


My son loves babies. He is 10. He goes up and asks to hold babies quite often in social situations. Some parents say no, some say yes. He doesn't bat an eye. He certainly doesn't come away and think the mom is bad or selfish.
QFT because I can't rep you again.

Best way to have a relaxed, confident child is to teach them that you respect them.
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Old 12-22-2015, 07:51 PM
 
Location: I am right here.
4,859 posts, read 3,713,248 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WildColonialGirl View Post
QFT because I can't rep you again.

Best way to have a relaxed, confident child is to teach them that you respect them.
And I quoted and repped YOU because I have to spread it around before I can rep High Flying again.

Amazing how the OP has not returned to this thread....
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Old 12-22-2015, 08:19 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,034 posts, read 37,675,762 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katjonjj View Post

I would have had no problem giving the kid over and would have thanked her!
Yeah, but you also pre-chewed your kids' food for them. Not every idea is a good idea.

The OP asked the mom if she could hold him, and the mom answered. End of story.
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Old 12-22-2015, 08:51 PM
 
3,932 posts, read 3,638,332 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABCBLUE View Post
I'm 22 and 6 weeks pregnant with my 1st child so I may not know what I'm talking about yet...but I feel like parents who don't allow their children to interact with other people are just plain selfish. This woman at church-well I think she's only 18 or 19-has a 7 month old son. My younger cousin and her are in a bible studies class together so we are somewhat aquaintances.

Anyway this evening the church was exhibiting a live nativity and this girl and her baby were to portray Mary and Jesus. She had him lying in the pew while she was preparing her costume. I went over to say hi and started talking to her about him, then when I asked, "Mind if I hold him for a second?" she acts like I just asked to formally adopt her baby! "No!" and scoops him up into her arms immediately. Then she's all like, "he gets fussy"

It's not like I'm some creepy old man who approached her in an alley demanding access to her kid. She just didn't think her child should be held by anyone else...and I've seen other parents do this all the time. Some even refuse to let the child bond with his/her relatives! It seems like a control thing to me, or they use the excuse that the baby doesn't do well with strangers and entertain that by isolating him/her. Then that child grows up to by the type who hides behind your leg when you have company and clings to you at kindergarten dropoff.

I am quite certain that for the first few months or so I will be in new mom panic mode, but for my baby's sake I will have to overcome that. As much as the baby is mine, he/she will have to go out into the world one day and deal with people other than me. I also hate it when people use the baby as bait, ie. me at age 13 holding my new stepmother's 4 m/o who is crying like 4 m/os do....and according to stepmother her special snowflake must not like me.

Before you say its their child and they can do as they please, of course they can. Doesn't make it healthy for the child.
You sound a little immature since asking to hold a stranger's baby is self centered and kind of weird but your need to post about your experience and get feedback is a little drama queenesque. I have two kids with and I make sure freaks stay away from my kids. There are reasons WHY parents are protective.
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Old 01-07-2016, 08:49 PM
 
20 posts, read 13,363 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachSalsa View Post
And I quoted and repped YOU because I have to spread it around before I can rep High Flying again.

Amazing how the OP has not returned to this thread....
Because I have a life and have not had time to log in. I asked for opinions, and I got them. Nothing more to say. <<<right back atcha

To the person who asked about my situation, I have made some serious mistakes but God has forgiven me.

Now I'm going to raise this child...but besides the point. I was using the girl {who is about 16 and single herself} as an example. Whoever said it could've been because they were about to perform, I hadn't thought of that
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Old 01-09-2016, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,477 posts, read 15,913,707 times
Reputation: 38740
Quote:
Originally Posted by ABCBLUE View Post
Because I have a life and have not had time to log in. I asked for opinions, and I got them. Nothing more to say. <<<right back atcha

To the person who asked about my situation, I have made some serious mistakes but God has forgiven me.

Now I'm going to raise this child...but besides the point. I was using the girl {who is about 16 and single herself} as an example. Whoever said it could've been because they were about to perform, I hadn't thought of that

That just high lights the difference between an experienced parent and someone who has less experience.


As a parent, I immediately thought, "The baby is calm & relaxed now, of course Mom is not going to risk her child getting upset right before the nativity play/church service by having a stranger hold her." I bet that many, if not most, parents also thought the same thing as soon as they read your first post.

Now, the Mom's reaction may have been completely different if you asked to hold her baby after the service/play was over.

Last edited by germaine2626; 01-09-2016 at 09:34 AM..
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Old 01-09-2016, 12:29 PM
 
20 posts, read 13,363 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
That just high lights the difference between an experienced parent and someone who has less experience.


As a parent, I immediately thought, "The baby is calm & relaxed now, of course Mom is not going to risk her child getting upset right before the nativity play/church service by having a stranger hold her." I bet that many, if not most, parents also thought the same thing as soon as they read your first post.

Now, the Mom's reaction may have been completely different if you asked to hold her baby after the service/play was over.
But I still don't know if that was the case. Aside from this person, helicopter parents do exist.
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Old 01-09-2016, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,034 posts, read 37,675,762 times
Reputation: 73646
Quote:
Originally Posted by ABCBLUE View Post
But I still don't know if that was the case. Aside from this person, helicopter parents do exist.
Yes, they do, and you cannot change them.

LOTS of people will do things differently than you would. Once you have your baby, you will understand that YOUR choices are the only ones you control, and sometimes even those are taken out of your hands.
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