U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-22-2015, 01:10 PM
 
3,647 posts, read 9,313,632 times
Reputation: 5427

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
Life happens. My suggestion is to get involved, so you'll have a voice in who replaces her as a chaperone. Choose to be part of the solution rather than the problem.
Always am. I'm guessing we'll probably have to throw in extra to help pay for the replacement chaperone... but better that than the kids missing out. As I said, if we could, we'd volunteer ourselves if it were possible
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-22-2015, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,091 posts, read 3,067,695 times
Reputation: 8623
Your son is 10? I thought he was in high school. I'd be much more concerned about a ten year old than I would a teen.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-22-2015, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,492 posts, read 15,940,606 times
Reputation: 38845
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I will put this into perspective for you. When my son was young he attended a language immersion school. Each year the 5th graders went from the Midwest USA to France for three weeks. While the main chaperone/chaperon , one or both of the 5th grade teachers, was always known well in advance (at least a year) the other chaperons were not selected and announced until a few months before the actual trip.
You received the name of the homestay family about three or four months before the trip.


NONE of the parents were upset by this, or considered this "late notice".


BTW, my son was 10 years old when he went to France for three weeks with his class.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
.

Being told that a certain person and her husband are going to be chaperones for a trip and then being told that they made a life decision after you've already committed or sending your 10 year old across an ocean without knowing who they will be staying with are two separate things. To someone who believes that sending their 10 year old to another country without knowing anything about the people that child will be staying with is okay, my wanting to know who my child will be chaperoned by may seem like overreaction.
.

Three or four months was plenty of time to know the family that our son would be staying with. This was before the internet & long, long before Skype but we were able to send numerous letters back and forth between the boys and between us parents before they met for the first time. This elementary school had been doing fifth grade trips to France for two decades before our son went on his trip and, to my knowledge, they never had a problem with parents complaining about the time-line. And, these were 10 & 11 year old children going to a foreign country not HS students traveling in the same country.


My point was that you are over-reacting because the trip is still five months away. That is plenty of time for them to find a chaperone and for you do all of the investigating, background checks, vetting and whatever else that you need to do on that person before your teenager leaves on the trip.


Now, if the chaperone's mother passed away the day before the trip or the teacher was diagnosed with cancer, or fell down and broke her leg, or any number of last minute things and they decided to sent someone else in her place, a complete stranger or two complete strangers to you and your son, that would be a completely different matter. But, the trip is still five months away. Sheesh!


I shudder to think about what will happen when your teen is going away to college, if you need that much advance notice to plan everything and get this upset over what many of us feel is a minor change in plans. Who knows, you may like the new chaperone/chaperones even better.

Last edited by germaine2626; 12-22-2015 at 01:23 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-22-2015, 01:14 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,500,984 times
Reputation: 23714
I skimmed the replies. You are being super defensive op. You seem like you are way over reacting.

Be more self aware. This isn't a huge deal, and isn't really a "deal" at all. But what you are feeling is way outside the norm for this situation. So look inside and think of where your feelings actually are coming from. I'm sure it's in your past.

It sounds like you are feeling let down, and that is making you angry. That you are feeling uncertain of who is going to be in charge, and that is causing a lot of anxiety. I don't know, that's what I read from your posts. Maybe it's different. But it's not this situation that is causing the feelings.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-22-2015, 01:17 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,842,380 times
Reputation: 61845
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
We have paid for a trip for my high schooler to go to NYC with a group from school, chaperoned by a teacher and her husband, also employed by the school, next summer.

About a month ago, my son came home and said that there was a rumor going around that the teacher who organized the trip is pregnant, but that she denied it. So, I let it go. Today, on Facebook, a family member of hers "outed" her, and she responded to the post already, confirming the information.

Due date is the week of the trip.

In my opinion, she and her husband should have notified those of us with children signed up on the trip BEFORE releasing the info on social media... knowing that she and he are "friends" with most of the parents and their students.

Let me be clear... I'm not upset that she's pregnant, but that she hasn't contacted us to let us know who will be chaperoning my child on a 5 day trip more than 2,000 miles from home. We are still new to the area and I'm more than a little peeved... don't really know any of the other parents well enough to ask them. I trusted this woman and now... I feel at the very least that she showed a lack of concern for her students and their parents.

How long should I wait before asking what their alternate plan is and who are the alternate chaperones? I'm really peeved because I don't trust my children into the care of just anyone... especially not like this. I wouldn't have agreed to an unchaperoned trip or a trip where the chaperones were not pre-announced.
She has no obligation to notify you of her pregnancy. Perhaps they waited for a few months because of previous miscarriages.
You have also assumed they have not made alternative arrangements that they will be giving notification about after all of the holiday time off is over and school is back to normal.
If you are so concerned why didn't you immediately call when you found out she is pregnant and volunteer to take her place as chaperone?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-22-2015, 01:20 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,500,984 times
Reputation: 23714
PS my son, age 10, went on a 5 day camping trip with his school right when we moved to town. I knew no one.

Both my kids started over night camp, a state away, when they were 8 and 10. For a week. Of course I knew no one. And they were mostly teenagers.

they have been on several field trips to the cities both in summer camps and school

In middle school, they will get to go on a school trip to an international destination (in past they have gone to to China, Costa Rica, England but we don't know where it will be yet).

In all of these situations, I either don't know the chaperone, or just casually. OP you have got to chill out. With cell phones, you can stay in contact with them through the trip.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-22-2015, 01:20 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,842,380 times
Reputation: 61845
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
Always am. I'm guessing we'll probably have to throw in extra to help pay for the replacement chaperone... but better that than the kids missing out. As I said, if we could, we'd volunteer ourselves if it were possible
It IS possible if you would do what you need to and make it happen and do what is best for your children.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-22-2015, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,599 posts, read 1,271,118 times
Reputation: 4860
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
How do you think the teacher feels? Her and her husband saved up for a long time to give these kids an experience and now not only is all THEIR money going to waste

So, you think she and her husband don't know how babies are made? THEY caused the situation, I have no sympathy for them.

And wait til April? When the entire thing needs to be paid in full by March 11th?
Wow, what a nice and empathetic person you are!

Birth control fails, up to 50% of pregnancies are unplanned. I guess they were supposed to be born again virgins for a year so they wouldn't spoil your plans. Jeez.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
Actually, I was a little peeved by the lack of consideration I felt she showed but after posting the question here, and realizing what a bad position she is potentially putting all of us in, when she has known (but denied it) more than a month ago... I got a bit more upset.

I called the tour company though and got my answers. Worst case for us, we'll be out a few hundred dollars and my son won't have gotten anything for Christmas this year other than a few stocking stuffers.
She is 11 weeks! That means she has known for at most 6 weeks. That is not nearly enough time to digest the situation and find a replacement especially during their busiest time of year, finals!! You are being unfair and honestly ridiculous. You are whining when she hasn't even had a chance to try and do anything yet. She probably just wants to get through finals week, get her grades in, celebrate Christmas then examine things once the New Year starts. That is more than reasonable. You demanding an immediate answer is unreasonable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Calm down, settle down and back off.


You have no idea what she was doing for the last month. She could have been checking around looking for a suitable replacement chaperone or she could have been going to specialists because she was in danger of having a miscarriage or any number of things. Would you have preferred that she told every parent as soon as the pee stick turned pink/had a plus sign and then had to face the pain of every student and parent in the community knowing her private business if she had an early miscarriage and death of her unborn child?


Perhaps, it was different when your children were in the womb but today, at least among people that I knew and that my adult children know, most people do not tell anyone for the first three months.


Maybe the rumor at school started because someone at school saw her throwing up due to morning sickness and jumped to the conclusion that she was pregnant. IMHO, the teacher was under no obligation to confirm a pregnancy because of a nosy "busy body" and it was wrong for someone to "out" her pregnancy on face book, too.


BTW, are the other parents as angry at her & her husband as you are? If I was facing such an angry mob I would be rather upset at myself. I would be kicking myself for going out of my way to plan an educational trip for the children of such a group of inconsiderate, selfish people who are thinking only of themselves and their family needs.


Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
So the son being invited to a friend's last minute...do you know what adults will be there? Or are you be okay with not knowing or being told? Because at this point, I don't know. I'm not angry or saying he can't go, I'm wanting to KNOW and APPROVE... I don't let my kids go off with strangers, people I don't know. Some moms sell their children to sexual predators too. Of course, several of you have less concern for who will supervise your children, and that's fine. I've seen many of your posts and have read how well that's worked out for you in the past.

Being told that a certain person and her husband are going to be chaperones for a trip and then being told that they made a life decision after you've already committed or sending your 10 year old across an ocean without knowing who they will be staying with are two separate things. To someone who believes that sending their 10 year old to another country without knowing anything about the people that child will be staying with is okay, my wanting to know who my child will be chaperoned by may seem like overreaction. There are parents out there that take heroine in front of their children too, and see nothing wrong with it. I think that's wrong, but some do not. I think it's okay to let your 15 year old have half a can a beer once in awhile at home while others believe that allowing a child to sniff a wine cork at 20 is child abuse. Everybody parents differently.

I am friends with SEVERAL of my children's teachers, in real life and online. On their "everybody" facebook pages and their "real friends" pages. Before reacting to a situation, I step back, ask questions anonymously online (rarely), work through my feelings and thoughts. I would expect others to do the same.

I absolutely will get trip insurance if this ever arises again. I looked over the trip insurance and shrugged... my bad. Live and learn.
More overreacting. Wanting to know who will chaperone your kid is legitimate. Being pissed off because you weren't immediately told about the pregnancy (which is none of your business) then demanding an immediate answer is out of line.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-22-2015, 01:24 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,500,984 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
It IS possible if you would do what you need to and make it happen and do what is best for your children.
Trust me, what's best for the child is that the parent posting takes a Xanax and trust they did well enough raising their child and let them have this experience sans paranoid mom.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-22-2015, 01:40 PM
 
2,054 posts, read 985,384 times
Reputation: 3925
Why is your child even going on this trip? Are you afraid that something will happen to him when he is out of your sight and you are projecting your fears onto the teacher and her condition?

I don't think that she got pregnant on purpose to annoy you. It happened and now she is dealing with the ramifications of this along with her work. You didn't mention if this was her first pregnancy or not but if it is, she is dealing with those feelings as well. If she and her husband don't chaperone this trip, they are also out the money they spent.

You said that you are new to the area and don't know many of the parents well enough to ask how they feel about this yet you seem to have plenty of time to vet this teacher (did you know her from before?). Are any of your sons friends going on this trip? Have you vetted the families of all his friends since you need to know who is taking care of your son? It's a parents job to do that but you seem to be taking this way overboard. Yes the opinions of 5 or 6 people on an anonymous website don't really mean anything but neither do your over dramatic responses to this situation.

There is plenty of time left to solve the problem of the chaperone- whether they find another couple, postpone the trip or cancel it all together. Relax and trust that you have brought your son up to be a capable person. In a few years time, he will be off to college and then on to the rest of his life. You won't always be able to control who comes into his life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top