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Old 12-24-2015, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley
3,972 posts, read 8,628,793 times
Reputation: 3306

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Quote:
Originally Posted by alabama2 View Post
It is also true that police do just want their quotas sometimes. How fast was she going on her speeding tickets? If she was going 60 in a 50, then there's a good chance most of your friends also do that, so using that as an example won't be very good. If she was going 120 in a 50, then yeah, that's a different story.

I believe he was trying to share that she doesn't take responsibility, which is desperately lacking in so many people these days.

Yes cops have their quotas, but if you are speeding, you are speeding and you have to own it. That's a key part in being a functional adult.


OP, it seems your daughter had had a rough go of it with the divorce, her mothers attitude and being shipped off to you. Why don't you sit down with her and help her make a plan for the future and get her excited about something she wants to do. Backing off on the gas and insurance (and phone, I'm sure she has one) is something you could discuss as consequences of not working toward a plan.

Last edited by Miss Blue; 12-24-2015 at 05:47 PM.. Reason: orphaned due to deleted quoted post
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Old 12-24-2015, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Texas
42,253 posts, read 49,796,479 times
Reputation: 67083
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonInKansas View Post
I know it's hard for young people to find jobs today but it amazes me how so many feel they are above menial jobs. I know I am going to sound old but back in my day just sitting around not doing anything was unheard of, as well as feeling they "deserve" whatever job they want. I know it's not all young people but damn it sure seems today's youth are the laziest and most entitled.
Or, you know, ruined by their parents' divorces and instability in life that didn't really create an environment of stability and achievement.
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Old 12-24-2015, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Seattle Area
1,716 posts, read 1,492,914 times
Reputation: 4114
New Years is coming right up....time to set a "tough love" policy moving forward. Give her 30 days to produce an income, or all support stops. This is the very best thing you can do for her and it will pay dividends down the road.
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Old 12-24-2015, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Colorado
18,718 posts, read 4,707,856 times
Reputation: 5328
It's sad that she does nothing and it's up to you to take care of her(...for how long?) I guess it's your fault if anything
bad happens to her. Sorry but it's her life. She needs to change or you'll always be responsible. You know she'll
blame you anyhow.
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Old 12-24-2015, 05:06 PM
 
Location: North West Arkansas (zone 6b)
2,486 posts, read 1,713,158 times
Reputation: 3271
one thing I haven't seen anyone mentioned. Your location can play a major role in her ability to find a job.

perhaps you can convince her to drive into the next metro area to find something interesting. I can't imagine kicking out my kids so I wouldn't give that to you for advice.

My oldest is a college freshman and already has a job in the school that will provide her with experience as well as referrals for internships and hopefully a well paying job out of college. But we did tell her we fully expect her to find a job and not come back after college.
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Old 12-24-2015, 05:54 PM
 
11 posts, read 13,581 times
Reputation: 56
Thanks everyone! You have all given great advice. For the record I have cut off many things such as her internet and phone but she is very stubborn. She has always had to have things "her way" even before the divorce (which was amicable). As for her speeding tickets she has had 3. The first was for going 12 over, the second, 15, and the third 14 over; she has a lead foot. Thankfully she hasn't gotten into drugs or alcohol and there hasn't been a pregnancy scare or anything like that.

But I don't just want to kick her out, I have heard stories of women getting mugged/raped and even selling their bodies for things, and as awful as it sounds as stubborn as she is I do worry she'd resort to that. Though I question those saying her working a fast food job could hurt her chances at a good job...how? I highly doubt anyone who is very ambitious and hard working enough wasn't able to get to where they wanted to be because they first worked at a fast food joint. My problem is she wants everything to be on her terms.

I have taken away a lot, what else can I take her clothes and makeup? Jewelry? She does do chores and I have talked to her about what she wants to do but she just says she doesn't know or care. Even when I suggested going back to college she just says she hates school, unfortunately she has never done well at school and has a 2.5 GPA.
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Old 12-24-2015, 06:02 PM
 
2,442 posts, read 1,798,826 times
Reputation: 4644
Why is the choice being oresented as being between giving her everything and kicking her onto the streets? Why can't the OP provide her with a home and food, but everything else she has to pay for? Wouldn't take long of not being able to drive or catch a bus or buy a drink before she'd be job hunting.
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Old 12-24-2015, 06:35 PM
 
4,947 posts, read 2,568,683 times
Reputation: 22000
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhotoProIP View Post
Thank the prissy American society who mocks these jobs non stop for that..
Oh please...

I am 58 and there was no way when I was a teenager I was going to work fast food. No way! That was in the 70's--you bet I was too prissy for fast foods. No way.
I worked in a factory for a Summer job--to me that was better than a fast food joint.

More power to you if you work in a fast food joint, it was just not for me.
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Old 12-24-2015, 09:09 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,955 posts, read 14,097,945 times
Reputation: 14777
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonInKansas View Post
Thanks everyone! You have all given great advice. For the record I have cut off many things such as her internet and phone but she is very stubborn. She has always had to have things "her way" even before the divorce (which was amicable). As for her speeding tickets she has had 3. The first was for going 12 over, the second, 15, and the third 14 over; she has a lead foot. Thankfully she hasn't gotten into drugs or alcohol and there hasn't been a pregnancy scare or anything like that.

But I don't just want to kick her out, I have heard stories of women getting mugged/raped and even selling their bodies for things, and as awful as it sounds as stubborn as she is I do worry she'd resort to that. Though I question those saying her working a fast food job could hurt her chances at a good job...how? I highly doubt anyone who is very ambitious and hard working enough wasn't able to get to where they wanted to be because they first worked at a fast food joint. My problem is she wants everything to be on her terms.

I have taken away a lot, what else can I take her clothes and makeup? Jewelry? She does do chores and I have talked to her about what she wants to do but she just says she doesn't know or care. Even when I suggested going back to college she just says she hates school, unfortunately she has never done well at school and has a 2.5 GPA.
How is she buying gas for her car? How does she pay for her partying? Who is paying for her speeding tickets?

Stop paying for her gas - and you won't have to worry about speeding tickets. Stop paying for anything except the roof over her head and very, plain basic food. If you get tired of the food - eat out, without her. Cut cable for now. Make her understand that until she is working and paying rent, she only gets the basic food and shelter.
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Old 12-24-2015, 10:32 PM
 
998 posts, read 1,185,775 times
Reputation: 1701
Well if you allow her to keep coasting through life with no direction or responsibility you'll turn around and she will be 32 still doing the same thing or a single mother with you still raising her and her kid(s). Maybe you'll get lucky and marry her off and she can be another man's problem.
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