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Old 12-25-2015, 02:56 PM
 
4,877 posts, read 1,378,700 times
Reputation: 4877

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I don't blame her for not wanting to work at fast food jobs. But the problem is that she doesn't have much in the way of education or experience to get her far.

I hate the idea of threatening to "kick her out." I'd start less directly. I'd point out that it should be kind of embarrassing for someone to be living at home at 22. Have you ever forced her to sit down with you and have her make a list of her options or her plans? I'd start badgering her about chores, to ensure that it wasn't pleasant for her to live with you. And I'd sure start reducing, leading to cutting off, any spending money for her.

No offense, but you have had 7 years to have solved this problem.
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Old 12-25-2015, 03:23 PM
 
Location: NE Mississippi
11,438 posts, read 7,443,434 times
Reputation: 17015
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonInKansas View Post
I am sure this is fairly common with young people today, but my daughter (mother sent her to me when she was 15) who is 22 thinks more menial jobs such as fast food is beneath her. She has had issues with authority and does not like doing what she doesn't want to do, even her mother got sick of it so she sent her to live with me at 15. We divorced when she was 10 and I still stayed in her life and did many things with her but by 15 my ex just couldn't handle her and sent her to me.

Anyway after many issues including her seeing a therapist she finally graduated HS at 19 and briefly went to CC but dropped out her first semester. From the outset it was bad I got her a cheap car which she complained about for "being a piece of junk" (it was a 2001 Nissan Sentra in good condition) and started partying and ignoring her studies and just dropped out. I told her she needs to find a job and she did apply at some retail places but that didn't pan out so I told her to apply at some fast food places but she just says she refuses to work fast food and doesn't want that kind of job.

I talked with her mother but she is married with two teens from it and she pretty much doesn't want anything to do with her.

What can I do, just threaten to kick her out? She'd be on the streets for sure. She has also gotten a few speeding tickets and instead of owning up to it she just goes on about how the police or stupid and just want their quotas.
Get her a job in management.
I heard McDonald's is looking for managers.
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Old 12-25-2015, 03:44 PM
 
3,437 posts, read 3,253,496 times
Reputation: 8072
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonInKansas View Post
Thanks everyone! You have all given great advice. For the record I have cut off many things such as her internet and phone but she is very stubborn. She has always had to have things "her way" even before the divorce (which was amicable). As for her speeding tickets she has had 3. The first was for going 12 over, the second, 15, and the third 14 over; she has a lead foot. Thankfully she hasn't gotten into drugs or alcohol and there hasn't been a pregnancy scare or anything like that.

But I don't just want to kick her out, I have heard stories of women getting mugged/raped and even selling their bodies for things, and as awful as it sounds as stubborn as she is I do worry she'd resort to that. Though I question those saying her working a fast food job could hurt her chances at a good job...how? I highly doubt anyone who is very ambitious and hard working enough wasn't able to get to where they wanted to be because they first worked at a fast food joint. My problem is she wants everything to be on her terms.

I have taken away a lot, what else can I take her clothes and makeup? Jewelry? She does do chores and I have talked to her about what she wants to do but she just says she doesn't know or care. Even when I suggested going back to college she just says she hates school, unfortunately she has never done well at school and has a 2.5 GPA.
Yes, many people have worked in fast food (or retail, or janitorial, or factories, or farms, or outdoor manual labor, or...) and lived to tell the tale. Work is work. It's money, and it might even teach her a bit of humility.

The best course of action here might be to simply cut her off and let her sink or swim. Perhaps the prospect of imminent homelessness and literally not knowing where her next meal is coming from will light a fire under her to come out of her funk. But don't expect her to change overnight. Maybe in 5 years, she'll be a better person. But she may also hate you for your tough love approach; usually people do. Sorry, sounds like a difficult situation.
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Old 12-25-2015, 04:46 PM
 
Location: San Antonio
7,626 posts, read 14,005,339 times
Reputation: 18674
Our youngest had a car (we bought him, a clunker 1st car type but with brand new tires on it and safe to drive) and was told he had to "earn" his gas money himself. We kept him on our insurance because he was still living at home, going to Community College. He decided he wanted to join the USMC, and came home one day in Jan stating he had gone and enlisted in the USMC, and was going to give his 2 weeks notice at Micky D's today at work, because he wanted to "enjoy life" before he entered the service in March.

I told him fine, but he best ensure he got the tires on his bike fixed because we were not paying for his gas and would no longer pay his insurance on his car once he was not attending school or working. If you are going to live like you have no responsibilities, than you have no benefits.

He worked up until the week before he went into the USMC.
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Old 12-25-2015, 05:57 PM
 
1,288 posts, read 994,511 times
Reputation: 1968
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonInKansas View Post
I am sure this is fairly common with young people today, but my daughter (mother sent her to me when she was 15) who is 22 thinks more menial jobs such as fast food is beneath her. She has had issues with authority and does not like doing what she doesn't want to do, even her mother got sick of it so she sent her to live with me at 15. We divorced when she was 10 and I still stayed in her life and did many things with her but by 15 my ex just couldn't handle her and sent her to me.

Anyway after many issues including her seeing a therapist she finally graduated HS at 19 and briefly went to CC but dropped out her first semester. From the outset it was bad I got her a cheap car which she complained about for "being a piece of junk" (it was a 2001 Nissan Sentra in good condition) and started partying and ignoring her studies and just dropped out. I told her she needs to find a job and she did apply at some retail places but that didn't pan out so I told her to apply at some fast food places but she just says she refuses to work fast food and doesn't want that kind of job.

I talked with her mother but she is married with two teens from it and she pretty much doesn't want anything to do with her.

What can I do, just threaten to kick her out? She'd be on the streets for sure. She has also gotten a few speeding tickets and instead of owning up to it she just goes on about how the police or stupid and just want their quotas.
She seems to have entitlement issues. She's not doing anything because she doesn't have to. Why should she? When daddy is paying her way. As long as you're comfortable that you've exercised all options, the only thing you can do now is show her some tough love. Give her a dead line to have a job or else. I'd research local shelters and put it someplace in her room where she can clearly see it. She'll know you mean business. It's not being mean, but the price you must pay for being an enabler.
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Old 12-25-2015, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Talmadge, San Diego, CA
12,985 posts, read 24,063,511 times
Reputation: 7699
Have her join the military. She'll have a job, plus room and board. It'll probably do her some good, too.
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Old 12-25-2015, 09:06 PM
 
38 posts, read 19,882 times
Reputation: 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by kadadah View Post
what kind a person kicks out a girl? are you fool? She can work at target.
yes I thought too. many young adult girls below 25 that are kicked out of their house young turn to their bodies as a source of income which is awful
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Old 12-25-2015, 10:57 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,959 posts, read 6,395,263 times
Reputation: 3024
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonInKansas View Post
I know you are right, I do make her do chores and help around the house, even though she does complain. I have had her mow, do yard work, as well as some home improvement projects. As for sending her to a shelter from what I've heard they are usually always booked and far from the safest places to go and women can get attacked/raped close to them. Even then you can't stay forever, what if she goes for a bit but ends up out in the streets?
As long as she does it what does it matter how she does it.
Try to suggest other alternatives. I'd do just about anything before I worked in food again.
I also can't work most jobs as I no longer can lift 50lbs, sit for long periods of time, stand for long periods, bend, etc.

I wouldn't send her to a shelter or kick her out.
Sure it's really not your problem and yes she needs to get it together but that would just be damnkng her to a life of poverty and homelessness. You can't get a job without a home and a shower and you can't get a home and shower without a job.
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Old 12-26-2015, 12:14 AM
 
Location: U.S.A., Earth
4,347 posts, read 2,621,545 times
Reputation: 3819
Quote:
Originally Posted by gunslinger256 View Post
perhaps you can convince her to drive into the next metro area to find something interesting. I can't imagine kicking out my kids so I wouldn't give that to you for advice.

My oldest is a college freshman and already has a job in the school that will provide her with experience as well as referrals for internships and hopefully a well paying job out of college. But we did tell her we fully expect her to find a job and not come back after college.
The red portion seems to go against the green portion.
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Old 12-26-2015, 01:19 AM
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,751 posts, read 2,005,548 times
Reputation: 4639
Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga View Post
Oh, come on -- it's not THAT hard to find a job. My daughter worked THREE jobs in college -- part-time nanny, waitress at a nice restaurant, and part time assistant at a real estate office. My son worked two jobs during college -- refereeing soccer games and as a lifeguard. The jobs are there, but they aren't just going to fall in her lap. After my son graduated, he did a couple of short internships and was able to parlay one into his current full-time job. My daughter has been building her private therapy practice since she graduated.

So anytime someone tells me "they can't find a job", to me, it just means that they aren't looking hard enough.

OP, your daughter is a bum. Sorry, but it's true. You can keep enabling her, or you can have a "come to Jesus" meeting on what your expectations are for your ADULT, grown-up daughter. She doesn't want to work fast food? Well, then, she needs to FIND SOMETHING ELSE. Sitting around getting speeding tickets and partying isn't an option any longer.
Actually, in this day and age, it IS hard to find a job (or least NOT very easy).

Heck, I recently went to see one of the counselors for my final college schedule coming up, and she's in charge of the academic counseling thing or something. She even mentioned how hard it is nowadays to find a job.

What state were your kids in? If not a metropolitan type state or city, then I can see it being easier to find a job.

I had applied for jobs and internships left and right in the past, and never got hired, and it wasn't for lack of trying. Eventually, I said enough is enough, and ever since last December, I started doing an online business, and it's going very well and see 2016 as the year I achieve financial freedom and graduate college.

So, in some weird way, being rejected over and over again was one of the best, if not, the best thing to ever happen to me
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